Some Things Last Forever
by Reiannah
Summary: What is forever? Yuki leaves Shuichi behind to find answers. Meanwhile Shuichi has his own drama to deal with like becoming CEO, getting his license, and falling in love again. But in the end, what is the true meaning of forever? YxS & RxS
1. Voice of Conscience

Konnichiwa, minna! This is my first time fic so please R&R! Pocky and Ramune soda will be rewarded to all reviewers! Oo

**Disclaimer: Gravitation and its characters are... NOT MINE! pout Belongs to Maki Murakami!!!**

_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts_

_**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**_

Chapter 1: Voice of Conscience

"Get out. I'm sick of hearing your voice." The blonde turned his back on the clingy pink-haired bundle of energy. In turn, the pink-haired bundle of energy frowned at him, decidedly trying to latch onto the blonde's ankle.

"Yuuuuuuuuuuuukiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Shuichi whined as he rubbed his cheek against the blonde's leg. The said Yuki smirked, but only in his head.

_Goddamn over-grown cat. What the fuck can I do with one of these? I hate cats. He's cute though... eats too much, loud, stupid... but, he's entertaining. Sometimes. But not right now. Right now, he's annoying. And I don't want him here anymore._

"Why can't you be nice to me, Yuki? I missed you!" Shuichi tried to crawl up Yuki's leg, only to have himself shoved roughly to the ground, mouth full of carpet fuzz. Yuki gave one of his signature 'Death Glares' and turned his back on Shuichi again.

"Are you stupid and deaf? I said to get out. Your noise is disturbing me."

"If you really didn't want me around, you wouldn't have given me your address."

"My mistake. Next time I won't give it to you."

"Na-nani?! You're moving again?" Tears began to fill the violet eyes as the golden ones carefully avoided meeting the others'. Yuki hated seeing tears and hated even more the waves of guilt they produced in him. Instead he distracted himself by addressing a long awaited nicotine desire.

"Hai, and this time, don't follow me." Yuki reached for a cigarette with one hand and with the other, a lighter.

"D-demo, Yuki... I don't want you to leave! Where are you going?!" More tears filled Shuichi's eyes.

"Back to the states. I've lost interest in Japan." The lighter sparked, but no flame. Yuki swore silently and cursed Zippo lighters for running out of fluid.

"What about me?!" By now, Shuichi's eyes were shining quite brightly, even though the dim lighting could barely allow one to see color, let alone reflections.

"What _about_ you?" Yuki attempted to light his cigarette once again, but without any luck. He walked to the kitchen to search for something else that would light the cigarette.

"What am I suppose to do until you get back? I'm going to miss you, Yuki!" The tears quivered as the singer's chin began to tremble.

"Are you really this dense that you don't understand what I'm trying to tell you?" Yuki lit the cigarette with a spare lighter. Giving it the first pull, which brought it to life, he blew out the first breath that filled the room with smoke.

"Na-nani?" Tears hung precariously on the edge of falling.

"I'm not coming back." With that, the writer finally turned to meet golden eyes with violet ones. That's when Shuichi knew. And that's also when the tears fell.

"The fun and games end here, Shuichi. Nothing lasts forever. I'm leaving, and I'm leaving alone." Yuki managed to lace each word with venom. And while his presence seemed to intensify during the announcement, Shuichi seemed to shrivel up inside his clothes, appearing even smaller than he already was.

"Yu...ki.... Dou...shite...?" The two words seemed to take forever to leave the singer's mouth. The tears kept falling, but not accompanied by the usual wailing and hysterics. Instead, Shuichi looked stricken. A sort of 'deer-caught-in-the-headlights-and-can't-move' expression. Yuki winced inside his mind.

**_A disturbing expression. A WRONG expression. One that doesn't belong on Shuichi's face. A face that you've caused and created. One that would never have existed if you hadn't been so cruel. YOUDIDITYOUDIDITYOUDIDIT!!!_**

"Get out. Don't bother trying to find or follow me. I'm ending all ties to Japan. Starting with you." Yuki could feel his heart aching painfully as he threw the icy words at the formerly hyper singer. Formerly hyper, but presently limp and despairing. Yuki's words seemed to have drained the life out of Shuichi. Even his eyes had glazed over, though they continued to drip tears like a leaky faucet.

"Did you hear me? I said to leave. And I'm asking nicely. Don't make me ask again." Yuki shot verbal bullets at Shuichi as the pink-haired singer wrenched his eyes away from the blonde-haired writer's. Slowly, Shuichi stood up without looking at Yuki. He turned and walked to the door for the last time. Upon reaching it, he paused and spoke without looking back up.

"Don't worry, Yuki-_san_. You won't have to kick me out anymore. I'll leave, just like you want me to. Gomen for fucking up your perfect world. I won't do it anymore, and I won't try to find or follow you. Just like you want." Shuichi spoke in an empty voice, one without tone or emotion. He paused again, whispered something under his breath, and left without turning to look at Yuki again.

Yuki let his eyes to linger on door. That was about as sentimental as he would allow himself to be. Suddenly, the once loud and crowded apartment seemed to be too quiet and empty. He smiled a smile that was closer to a frown.

_Two minus one equals one. Funny... when there's so few to begin with, taking a single person out of such an equation can make such a difference._

**_You fucking sadistic shit! Shuichi didn't deserve that! He's never done anything but try and make you happy! He never asked for anything in return than to be with you! Couldn't you even allow him that little bit of happiness?!_**

_Nothing lasts forever._

**_Maybe, but that doesn't mean you should go on a conquest to destroy everything that won't last. Prick!_**

_Nothing lasts forever._

**_There is at least one thing that does, you bastard!_**

_Nothing lasts forever._

**_Are you listening to me, asshole?!_**

_Nothing lasts forever._

**_Have you forgotten how it feels to have someone turn their back on you, jerk!_**

_Nothing lasts forever._

**_Remember Yuki Kitazawa?_**

The writer froze, feeling a familiar wave of dark emotion flooding over him.

**_Ha ha! Now you remember, don't you? Shuichi made you remember all of these feelings... but at the same time dulled the pain too, didn't he?_**

Yuki shuddered, trying to push the voice away.

_**He was the hope at the bottom of your Pandora's Box, ne Eiri? Ha ha!**_

He winced, trying to brace himself against the onslaught of thoughts that pressed him for answers.

_**And now you just pushed him out the door. He was your morphine, but you just flushed your painkiller down the toilet.**_

The writer began to shake as the thoughts stabbed at him insistently.

_**Ha ha! Poor, poor Eiri! All alone again! Nobody wants to play with the tainted Eiri!**_

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!" Yuki had all he could take of being hounded by his own mind. His voice echoed in the silent apartment, as if to mock him by saying that nobody was talking but himself.

The cigarette in the meantime had burned to the very end where he was holding it. Pain taking priority over a mind battle, he dropped the cigarette in an ashtray and stomped over to the sink to run his hand under cold water.

He grit his teeth as his frustration at being frustrated. After all, who had ever thought that the great novelist, Yuki Eiri would ever have to deal with losing an argument, especially with himself?

And so end another one of Eiri Yuki's tragic novels. Bittersweet until the very end. The protagonist leaves, never to return. The cruel lover goes insane at the loss of his beloved. Starts hearing voices. Blah, blah, blah... the end.

The writer frowned at his thoughts.

_Why don't any of my novels ever end happily ever after?_

He scowled as the thought passed through his mind.

_A happily ever after for Yuki Eiri? How absurd._

He glared at his throbbing fingers, which was swelling and producing blisters at a rapid rate. He would have trouble typing for the next few days. But what else could he do until it healed?

_**Apologize, motherfucker!**_

Yuki gripped the edge of the sink with both hands, causing more pain to the injured fingers. He didn't let go though. If pain would drown out the annoying thoughts, so be it. Besides, he had never been opposed to facing physical pain. Especially when it was a choice between the pain and the thoughts.

_**Why are you trying to ignore me, Eiri?**_

_Bite me._

**_Charming as always, Eiri._**

_Fuck off._

**_Uh, uh, uh. Naughty, naughty. You're not playing nice, Eiri._**

_Screw you._

**_Ha ha! You do realize that you're talking to yourself, ne Eiri?_**

_So how do I make myself stop?_

**_Ha ha! Like you don't already know!_**

Yuki sighed heavily.

_I don't know. If I did, I wouldn't be asking you, ass-wipe._

**_You shouldn't call yourself such names, Eiri._**

_Listen, you..._

**_Okay, okay! How about I give you a hint. A big hint._**

_If it's going to make you shut up for a while, fine!_

**_Okay, your hint is: You were given a gift, and you threw it away without a second thought. Find this gift again and I go away._**

_Where the fuck did I throw it away?_

**_Back in the giver's face._**

_Let me guess, it was something the brat gave me a while ago, am I right?_

**_You're smarter than you act._**

_Fuck you. But whatever it was, it was probably worthless if I threw it away._

**_Is that what you think, Eiri? Then you have a ways to go before I leave you alone, if I ever leave you alone._**

TBC...

Please review! I write faster with reviews!


	2. Difference Between Strength and Weakness

Pika pika! Arigato to all my reviewers! I will continue writing as you demand! I will e-mail your Pocky and Ramune Soda immediately! Well, thanks to your reviews, here is the next chapter... pretty fast, ne? Well I think so. This comes from the person who has had a 2-month case of writers block when it came to writing for my original manga collaboration with my sister. Lucky for me, my sister is too busy with college to notice and I can always use my job as an excuse... MWUHAHAHAHA!!! N-E-ways... the same rules apply for this chapter as the last... the more reviews I receive, the faster I issue my next chapter! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW THIS!!! Or else I will cry... and I'm scary when I cry... at least according to my sister. Either that or I make everyone else cry too. Enjoy this chapter, minna!  
  
Special thanks to Impishy Nymph and Clari-chan for their reviews and responses... I appreciate your support and this chapter goes out to the both of you... enjoy!!!   
  
More special thanks to my personal muse and soul-sis...Yui-Mag! I love you, Nee-chan!  
  
Disclaimer: Maki Murikami is the Goddess of Gravitation. Just like I am the Goddess of Pocky & Ramune soda. I think I would rather be the Goddess of Gravitation... but first I need a Swiss bank account. Pocky and Ramune soda are a lot cheaper for me... actually it's all I can afford. sweat drop   
  
_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts  
  
**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**_  
  
Chapter 2: Difference Between Strength and Weakness  
  
"Sh-Shuichi?! What the hell are you doing here?" Hiro had just opened the door to find a strangely quiet, non-genki, but still pink-haired singer leaning on his doorway. The guitarist himself had just been rudely awoken by the insistent and aggravating sound of the doorbell. Hiro groaned inside his head as the most obvious answer came to mind.  
  
_Damn that Yuki! He's done it again! Even after he promised to take care of Shu. What a prick._  
  
"Hiro..." The voice was empty without expressing anger, hurt, or sadness. It sounded... dead. The guitarist rubbed his eyes to clear them of any leftover sleep that might be clouding them. He leaned in to get a closer look at Shuichi, trying to determine the reason for the tone of voice.  
  
"Was it Yuki-san again? Did he kick you out?" Hiro growled at the thought of his best friend being ousted onto the streets at this time of the night. His alarm clock had read 2:47am when he had gotten up to answer the doorbell. The singer still hadn't raised his head to reveal his face to Hiro.  
  
"Hai... iie... I don't know. Did he just kick me out...? Or did I leave on my own? I don't remember anymore." Shuichi refused to meet Hiro's concerned eyes. His frail shoulders hung limply from his tiny frame, making him appear to be weighed down by an enormous burden. The guitarist reached for the singer, supporting the pink-haired boy under the shoulders. He pulled them inside and settled Shuichi on his couch.  
  
"Do you want to stay here for awhile?" Hiro asked quietly. Shuichi finally looked up, his eyes blank and unfocused.  
  
"Hai... until I can get my own place."  
  
"Your own place? You mean... you're not going back?  
  
"Iie. It's all over now. I have nothing to go back to."  
  
Hiro inhaled sharply. This had happened many times before, but usually accompanied by hysteria and random bits of anger or depression. This time, there wasn't anything there. No feeling, no hope.  
  
"Shuichi, what happened? What did he do or say to you to make you like this." Hiro pressed his best friend for answers. The singer just shrugged and averted his eyes to the clock on the wall, seemingly interested by it.  
  
"I was fooling myself. My love is just a burden to him. He doesn't want or need me like I want and need him." Shuichi struggled to say the words as if they might choke him.  
  
"I see..." Hiro waited for his friend to continue.  
  
"I can't love him without hurting him. Now all that he wants is to run away." Shuichi spit the words out bitterly, as if they left a bad taste in his mouth.  
  
"Run away...?"  
  
"Hai. Yuki-san is leaving Japan, for good this time. He told me there wasn't anything left here for him. He's leaving me behind." The singer whispered the last sentence, trying not to cry while he said it.  
  
Hiro raised an eyebrow at the unfamiliar suffix that his friend had added to the writer's name. Not even at their worst fight had Shuichi used such a formal term for the cold writer. It had always been 'Yuki'- nothing more and nothing less.  
  
"Well, don't worry about it right now... I'm sure that it'll work out one-way or another. It always does."  
  
"I don't think so. Not this time."  
  
The guitarist chose not to respond to this, and instead, began to prepare a bed on the couch.  
  
"Sleep now. Think later." Hiro stated this with a 'Don't argue with me' look. Shuichi gave in and settled himself to sleep away his problems.  
  
"Arigato Hiro. You've always been there for me, ne?"  
  
"Hai. And I won't ever leave you behind. That promise is forever." The guitarist grinned at his friend.  
  
"Well, 'nothing lasts forever.'" The singer quoted his former lover with a sad smile of his own. Hiro shot the pink-haired boy a sharp glance, deciding that this comment couldn't end tonight's conversation.  
  
"So? Why wait for 'forever' when you can have now?"  
  
"Nani?" The singer looked at his friend, his eyes unable to comprehend what he was being told.  
  
"Why build your life on a promise for tomorrow, when all you can live is today? You can't live in the future, only in the present. So make the best of everything now, do everything you dream of doing today."  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"Don't hold back. If you do, you'll regret it tomorrow."  
  
"Ah... I think I understand." The singer struggled with the word of wisdom his friend had bestowed on him.  
  
"As long as you did your best for Yuki-san, you should have no regrets, ne Shuichi?"  
  
"Ha-hai, Hiro."  
  
"From now on, the choices he makes only fall back on him. You did your best, I think he just needs time to decide what he really wants." The longhaired brunette reached down to tousle the singer's already disheveled hair. Shuichi flashed a small, tired, and yet genuine smile for Hiro.  
  
"Hai. I guess there's nothing more that I can do."  
  
"All you can do now is move forward in your life... and maybe Yuki-san will decide to catch up with you after all." Hiro tried to give his friend a little hope to go to sleep with.  
  
"Mnnn... Maybe."  
  
"Oyasumi nasai, Shuichi."  
  
"Oyasumi nasai."  
  
{Next day at NG Studios}  
  
Tohma Seguchi was more than a little shocked right now. If his psychologist had asked him at that moment how he was feeling, he would probably have told him that he was a little disappointed and very surprised. Also maybe a little pissed off. As much as he loved his brother-in-law, he couldn't help but notice how selfish Eiri was behaving.  
  
"So you're leaving for good, Eiri? Honto-ni?"  
  
"That's what I just said. Are you going deaf?" The writer snarled back through the phone. If they had been face to face, the author would probably have bitten the producer's head off.  
  
"And how is Shindou-san taking this new? I'm assuming that he isn't going with you, am I correct?" On the other end, Yuki tightened his grip on the phone, wishing it were Tohma's neck instead. He had known that this subject would undoubtedly come up, but he was unprepared for how it would make him feel.  
  
"I-iie, he wasn't invited. He'd just fuck with my head and I don't feel like dealing with his shit anymore." Instead of sounding cold and emotionless, Yuki's voice cracked as if he were unsure about what he was saying. He knew that the producer's sharp ears were sure to have picked it up.  
  
_Shit. Now Tohma is going to assume that I'm getting second thought about leaving the brat. That's all I fucking need. Damn Tohma and his persistence will probably try to follow me out of the country. If Shuichi's an overgrown cat, Tohma's a fucking bloodhound._  
  
"...I see." The said Tohma immediately caught the variance in his brother-in- law's voice. He could pick up a fishy scent even through a phone line. Tohma the bloodhound.  
  
"Don't bother asking where. And don't try to find out. I don't want to be bothered."  
  
"If you say so." It was a noncommittal reply. Yuki grit his teeth in frustration, realizing that the keyboardist would never make a promise that he didn't intend to keep.  
  
Which meant that Tohma intended to do some digging.  
  
Which would create problems for Yuki.  
  
Which meant that Yuki would not be left alone.  
  
Which would ruin Yuki's plan to leave Japan behind. After all, if all of Japan followed him to the states, what was the point of leaving in the first place?  
  
The monk-trained Yuki damned Tohma's soul to burn in hell.  
  
"Sayonara, Seguchi-san." The writer abruptly hung up on Tohma.  
  
On the other end, the keyboardist heard a click. He hung up as well, contemplating his next course of action. Should he let Eiri have his way, or should he pursue this further?  
  
He smirked, not nicely.  
  
"Iie, Eiri. This doesn't end here. Not if I have my way."  
  
{In Yuki's apartment}  
  
The writer lit up another cigarette. He had been chain-smoking more than ever.  
  
Especially after a certain pink-haired singer had left his life.  
  
**_More like you threw him out._**  
  
_Can't you shut up for once?  
_  
_**Not a chance.**_  
  
_Figures._  
  
_**So now are you feeling sorry for yourself? Poor Eiri... always the victim, aren't you?**_  
  
_Fuck you._  
  
_**You know, you make yourself the victim. It's nobody's fault but your own.**_  
  
_How is that?  
_  
_**Instead of getting stronger with difficulty, you just get colder and bitterer. That's why you're the way you are today.**  
  
I didn't choose to be the way I am. The life pushed on me has changed me.  
  
**Shuichi didn't change, even after what life pushed on him. If anything, he just lived more. He doesn't hold hate in his heart.  
**  
The brat doesn't have enough brain cells to comprehend the wrong done to him.  
  
**Maybe, but isn't his way better than the way you live?**_  
  
_It's stupid and immature._  
  
_**Hey, don't knock innocence. Don't you wish you could have retained yours like he did his? He copes better than you.**_  
  
_As in remaining stupid?_  
  
_**No, as in he just got stronger with what life threw at him. You, on the other had, got weaker.  
**_  
_I AM NOT WEAK._  
  
_**Honto ni? If you're not weak, than why are you running away again?**  
  
I'm not running away. I'm leaving because I want to.  
  
**You ARE running away. And only weak people run away from their problems. The stronger ones stay and deal.  
**  
Fuck you. I said I'm not weak.  
_  
_**WEAKWEAKWEAKWEAKWEAKWEAK!!!  
**_  
"I AM NOT WEAK, DAMMIT!" Yuki had listened to the voice long enough. He stomped over the TV and blasted the volume so that it would be difficult to hear anything else. Maybe that wasn't a good idea.  
  
"And in the latest news, J-pop phenomenon, Shindou Shuichi and his band, Bad Luck, celebrate reaching double platinum on their newest single, 'Bird.' Here is the video image from their concert today." The shot showed Shuichi onstage, singing his heart out.  
  
**"Why do you gaze at me with those sorrowful eyes? No matter how often you turn away I can't help wanting to embrace you just one more time."  
**  
"Shu..." Yuki stared intensely at the TV screen, engraving every detail to his memory. The view changed to a full facial view. Yuki felt his breath catch at the back of his throat as the pink-haired singer flash a devilishly beautiful smile. Those eyes seemed to see right through the camera right into Yuki's eyes. Beautiful violet eyes.  
  
**You miss him.** The thought wasn't a question, just a statement... a fact. Something that couldn't be argued with.  
  
The writer felt his eyes sting unpleasantly. Dropping his hands into his hands, Yuki Eiri cried for the second time in six years.  
  
TBC...  
  
Remember, the more reviews I get, the faster I write! Pretty please? 


	3. To Run and Hide or Chase

Arigato for reading my fic na no da! It makes me so happy to have such loyal reviewers that give me inspiration! To all my past reviewers, you should have received you Pocky and Ramune soda by now. For any new reviewers, your share is waiting for you via e-mail! Remember this equation: lots of reviews feedback for next chapter = Reiannah able to write faster and make readers happy!!! Again, arigato and enjoy!   
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Gravitation, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, ne? Well, it belongs to Maki Murikami, all I own is... well, nothing. _cries in the corner_ But I will prevail and one day I will own something!   
  
_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts  
  
**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**_  
  
Chapter 3: To Run and Hide or Chase  
  
Shuichi was tired. Not just physically from the two-hour concert they were just finishing, but mentally and emotionally tired too. Hiro and Suguru had noticed it as well; casting worried looks at him throughout the entire concert to make sure the genki singer didn't run out of energy. The strain was showing and they knew very well that even the best could fall; even the strongest could break. Since his break up with Yuki, the pink-haired singer had pushed himself more than ever. To the point of exhaustion.  
  
Singing was the vocalist's only escape. But each song added weight to his already aching heart. It was to be expected- almost every single one had a piece of Yuki engraved into it. The lyrics screamed his former lover's name louder than any sign or announcement would have been able to. After all, Yuki had been his inspiration.  
  
Smiling for the camera was the hardest part. He could almost see Yuki at the other side of the screen, criticizing his performance and calling his lyrics crap. Just remember his former lover and how he used to show up unexpectedly for one of his concerts, Shuichi felt his chest tighten, his heart pounding painfully.  
  
Even if he had never been able to write lyrics to the novelist's standards, the singer still put forth his all in the creation and execution of the songs. But why did the pink-haired vocalist continue to sing lyrics that reminded him of a love that no longer existed?  
  
Shuichi frowned in his mind.  
  
_Am I that much of a masochist?  
_  
He shrugged it off. These lyrics hurt, but they were also the only way he could express what he was no longer allowed to say anymore. Even if the writer no longer loved him, or never had, Shuichi knew that his own feelings for the writer had never been in doubt. He knew that no matter what, Yuki would be the only one to hold his heart.  
  
That's why he continued to sing these songs. They still held truth for him.  
  
_Even with the whole world against us..._  
  
**"Together we were enchanted by a love that even the gods won't forgive"**  
  
_Even though you walk away from me..._  
  
**"Before telling me you're leaving, let's throw away common sense and anything like it"**  
  
_Even if our love is forbidden...  
_  
**"In this love that's like a "No Entry Allowed" warning sign, let's try just one more time"**  
  
_You are the only dream I can see..._  
  
**"To see if we can gamble everything on the same dream!"**  
  
_I love you, Yuki._  
  
As the last thought passed through his head, Shuichi felt the world spin out of control. His strength was finally giving way to the overwhelming exhaustion that could no longer be held off. He struggled to keep his balance, only to see the floor racing towards him. Then there was nothing but darkness.  
  
"Shuichi!" The audience gasped in shock as the singer dropped to the floor. There was onslaught of activity as everyone rushed to his side. Stagehands turn the lights off and the music was cut abruptly. Voices yelled directions as the curtains closed around the singer's motionless body. The concert was over.  
  
{In Yuki's apartment}  
  
The blond writer was nursing a migraine with a beer and a cigarette. It wasn't the doctor recommended treatment, but it sure the hell made him feel a lot better. Ever since his crying bout a week ago, he had been unable to write due to a continuous migraine that hadn't broken yet. Crying wasn't a good way to express his emotions. It always ended up hurting his head, making him feel like he had a bad cold afterwards. It was physically messy and mentally draining.  
  
He was once again in front of the TV, not really paying attention to the stale dialogue spouting out of it. He was rarely able to focus on anything as of late. All of his belonging had already been pack, the plane ticket purchased, (with cash so that Seguchi wouldn't be able to trace his credit card) and the hotel arrangement when he got to the states had already been made. He was due to leave tomorrow at 7:00 am in the morning. The plane departed at 8:27am.  
  
Then the screen changed to that of a special bulletin. The writer decided that this might warrant more of his interest. And he was more right than he could have ever guessed.  
  
"We interrupt the previous broadcast for a special bulletin. It has just been reported that Shindou Shuichi of Bad Luck has just been rushed to the hospital after collapsing towards the end of his concert. Though we are not positive about the cause of this sudden incident, fans that were in the audience have commented that though Shindou-san was performing excellently as usual, he didn't look as though he was in the best of health. NG Studios has declined comment until further information on Shindou-san's condition is released from the hospital. Stay tuned as we continue to update on ..."  
  
Yuki flicked the remote, silencing the TV. Now head hurt even more. A wave of nausea rushed through him as questions flew, bouncing inside his head.  
  
_Shuichi. Are you sick? What happened? What the fuck happened there?  
_  
**_It's your fault. You hurt him again.  
_**  
_Hurt feelings don't make a person collapse onstage.  
  
**A broken heart leads to broken mind. A broken mind leads to a broken body. You should know that better than anyone.  
**  
If that's all, he'll get better.  
  
**Is that what you're trying to convince yourself? Or is it just an excuse to not take responsibility for your actions?  
**  
The brat is no longer my responsibility.  
  
**Is that so...?**_  
  
The writer ignored the last comment. The only thing on his mind now was to see Shuichi and find out how he was doing. But that in itself would be a problem.  
  
_Damn. I can't call his friends. They probably already know that I kicked him out and am leaving the country. And I can't ask Seguchi... he'd help, but all the while laughing at me at the same time. Shit. I can't have anyone else do this for me...  
_  
**_Oh well. I guess you'll just have to go yourself. But do you have the guts to face the person you let down the most?  
_**  
_How the fuck am I going to get in there without being seen?  
  
**Or are you just going to run away like the coward you are?  
**  
The novelist closed his eyes, trying to determine the best course of action.  
_  
**_Do you have enough heart to do what is right?_**  
  
"Fine. I'll go see him myself. But he won't see me." Yuki spoke aloud, answering the voice that taunted him.  
  
_**So you're not running away this time... but hiding instead?**_  
  
_Call it whatever you want. After I see how he's doing, I'm turning back around and leaving Japan. I'll give him the damn apartment.  
_  
**_I see... is this supposed to make everything better? You give him the home he shared with you and he's supposed to be happy with the leftovers?  
_**  
_At least he'll have a place to stay.  
_  
**_What makes you think that he'll want to stay here without you?_**  
  
_He doesn't have much of a choice, now does he? I'm not staying.  
_  
_**Do you really think that running away will solve all your problems? It didn't every other time you've tried it... what makes you think it'll be any different this time?  
  
**This time, I'm starting over from scratch.  
_  
**_You can't escape your own ghosts. They will follow you wherever you go.  
_**  
Yuki didn't comment, mostly because there wasn't anything he could think of to say back to this thought. He grabbed his keys and left the apartment, slamming the door shut behind him.  
  
{Hospital}  
  
"Shindou-san's condition is stable, all of his vitals are strong. As far as we can tell, he collapsed due to overexertion and stress. He will need to rest for the next week or so... until he gets his strength back. He also has a slight case of malnutrition and his weight has dropped about ten pounds. The doctor would like him to remain in the hospital until he has eaten a few meals." The motherly nurse made this announcement to members of Bad Luck, Nittle Grasper, as well as their producers and managers. There was an all around sense of relief when the news was released.  
  
"Shu-chan is going get better, ne, na no da?" Ryuichi held Noriko's hand with one of his own, and with the other, Kumagorou hung by an ear.  
  
"Hai, hai Ryuichi... Shuichi will be fine." Noriko reassured the child-like idol with a tired pat on the head.  
  
"When exactly can Shindou-san be released?" This came from the President and CEO of NG Records.  
  
The nurse hesitated before answering.  
  
"Well, he can leave as soon as he wakes up if that's his wish... but the doctor recommends that Shindou-san remain in the hospital for at least another two days. He is really weak right now, and needs to get his strength back. If he doesn't get his strength back now, he is liable to collapse again."  
  
"Can we go in and see him?" Hiro demanded an answer more than asked it. The nurse widened her eyes in surprise at the intensity of his voice.  
  
"H-hai. But until he wakes up, we ask that only two people visit at a time. He really needs his rest, and the doctor would prefer for him to sleep some more."  
  
"Don't worry, leave Shindou-san to us." Tohma flashed a dazzling smile at the nurse, who blushed all the way to her ears. She bowed quickly and excused herself.  
  
"I'm going in NOW." The guitarist of Bad Luck didn't bother asking. It was a fact.  
  
"I want to see Shu-chan too, na no da!" Tears began to fill Ryuichi's eyes. Tohma sighed as he waved the both of them into the room.  
  
They all took turns visiting the sleeping singer with Hiro and Ryuichi going first, Suguru and Noriko second, and K and Sakano third. Tohma chose to go last and by himself for his own reasons, though Hiro wasn't sure if the President of NG was to be trusted alone with his best friend. The guitarist eyed the blond keyboardist suspiciously as the said president entered the room and closed the door behind him.  
  
"Why the hell does Seguchi-san need to close the door and be alone with Shuichi?" Hiro continued to glare at the door as if trying to burn a hole through it. Noriko chuckled.  
  
"What Tohma wants, Tohma always gets. Don't bother to ask questions... you'll only get them if it suits his purpose." The lilac-haired keyboardist dismissed her coworker's action with a wave of her hand. Hiro simply growled.

  
  
"Shindou-san. Shindou-san. Wake up." The blond-haired man gently yet firmly shook the unconscious boy, waking him from his dreamless sleep. Long pink lashes fluttered open to reveal the deepest of violet eyes.  
  
"Se-Seguchi-san? Nani yo? What happened?" The singer adjusted his eyes to the glaring reflection of the hospital lights.  
  
"You blacked out while you where onstage. The doctors says it's from overexertion and stress. He also seemed concerned about your weight loss." The executive decided that informing Shindou of the situation would be the best way to start.  
  
"Mnn... yeah, now I remember. So I'm in the hospital now?"  
  
"Hai. The doctor recommends you staying here for the next few days in order to recover. He insists that rest is the only way for you to get better."  
  
"I guess I don't have much of a choice." The singer didn't even bother asking if he could leave against the doctor's orders. If Seguchi didn't force him to stay, he knew Hiro and K-san would. With force if need be. The keyboardist smiled an angelic smile, no doubt thinking the same thing.  
  
"Besides informing you of your own condition, I came to speak with you concerning a more personal matter." The pink-haired singer cringed slightly, realizing what that 'personal matter' was all about.  
  
"Er... Seguchi-san, I don't really want to get into that...." The older man cut him off.  
  
"Some time ago, Eiri-kun called me. It was to inform me that he would be leaving Japan the next week. That was exactly seven days ago." Tohma had stopped smiling and instead wore a strangely intense look in his eyes. It was obvious that the keyboardist had come here looking for answers. Answers that he obviously believed to be held by Shuichi. The vocalist shut his eyes and inadvertently clenched his fist.  
  
"So... he's leaving... today...?" The words barely came out even as a whisper. The executive just barely nodded his dead, narrowing his eyes ever so slightly. It gave him a predatory look: the look of a hunter.  
  
"Hai. I was unable to find out exactly when and to where. But I'm not here to discuss where he might have gone, I will find out sooner or later." An uneasy feeling started growing in the singer's chest.  
  
"I came here to ask you... when I do find out..." The feeling grew, making a knot in his stomach.  
  
"...Do you plan on going after him, Shindou-san?" The president's eyes told the singer that everything from then on would depend on his answer.  
  
Too bad Shuichi didn't know the answer himself.  
  
TBC...  
  
Remember: Reviews Feedback = The Next Chapter Being Written Faster! [author pouts]


	4. Save Him From Himself

Oi, minna! All of your lovely reviews have made Reiannah very, very happy! Arigato! I will continue to write this fic, but in turn, all of you must continue reviewing. When the reviews stop coming, the writing will discontinue. pouty face So onegai, keep reviewing! I'm not sure how long this fic will be, but in the end, it's all up to you! Hugs, Pocky, and Ramune soda to all! Sankyuu and baibai!   
  
Special thanks to Sangsty-san, Cain, Suki, and Demon Girl for their unsigned yet much appreciated and revered reviews... I bow down to you! Here's a few short notes for each of you:  
  
Sangsty-san- I'm glad you liked it! I will write more... I promise!  
  
Cain- I'm sorry, but just bear with me! I promise that in this next chapter, Shuichi WILL stand up for himself and not be such a pushover! sob Don't be mad at me, don't stop reading my fic, and PLEASE don't stop reviewing!!! I am glad that you gave me such great feedback and will try my best to take your suggestions. pout This IS my first fic, you know! Don't be mad at me!  
  
Suki- Thanks for the encouragement, I needed it! I will stay strong and write on! I conquer all! Until I get writer block at least... sweat drop Pray to the Pocky Goddess that it won't happen...  
  
Demon Girl- Here is the new chapter that you demanded! Hope it meets your expectations! Enjoy and let me know what you think. Please...?  
  
Sypris- Hey, why do I have to be the slave?! I want to be the master for once! pout But, as you wish, here is the next chapter. Let me know if you like it, 'master'... blink blink Um, does this sound strange to anyone else besides me...?  
  
Unsigned reviewers! You don't get Pocky and Ramune soda if you don't leave your e-mail! Everyone else, if you want seconds of Pocky and Ramune soda, all you need to do is ask!   
  
Oh, and one last thing... I love my Onee-chan!!! sends mental huggles to Yui-Mag  
  
Disclaimer: The almighty Goddess of Gravitation refuses to give it to me... so I cry and write fanfiction to dull the sorrow. But one day, I will prevail! Gravitation will be mine! Mwuhahahaha!   
  
_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts  
  
**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience  
**_  
Chapter 4: Save Him From Himself  
  
Someone had once told Shuichi a long time ago, 'If you love them, let them go. If they return to you, then it was meant to be.' But Shuichi never realized exactly how painful it would be to let Yuki go. And the biggest fear of all was whether or not the said Yuki did love him enough to return.  
  
The writer had once referred to love as nothing but a 'a stupid cliché.' Yuki Eiri, the master of love stories and broken hearts had never believed in anything he wrote about, he had made that clear a long time ago.  
  
But Shuichi believed in it. He believed in the emotions that he felt every time he caught even the faintest glimpse of Yuki in his weakness. They overwhelmed him, threatening to devour his very being. His feelings for Yuki were like signed invitations to his own destruction. Invitation that he could never turn away. It was raw, irrational, and dangerous. Being in love with Yuki was like playing with fire: at any moment, it could burn you.  
  
Looking into Tohma's eyes, the vocalist knew that he would have to live and die with his decision from then on. There was no going back after this. But he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. So he stalled.  
  
"Nani? Doushite?" The singer plastered his most confused look on his face, hoping that the keyboardist would fall for it. The President of NG let out an exasperated sigh. He knew Shuichi was a few colors short of a rainbow, but to be this stupid was absolutely ridiculous.  
  
"Do you love Eiri-kun?" Tohma demanded. The boy sunk into hospital bed, trying to make himself as small as possible. The executive was definitely not in the mood to play games with him. He just wanted answers.  
  
"H-hai, of course I love Y-Yuki." Shuichi's tongue seemed to do a back flip when he said his beloved's name.  
  
"Then what do you plan to do about him leaving?" The Grasper's eyes seemed to peer right through the vocalist's body and intrude upon his very thoughts.  
  
"Nani? What can I do? I can't make him stay. And I can't make him love me." The pink-haired boy could barely whisper the words, his eyes cast down at the rumpled covers.  
  
Tohma could make out an odd reflection on the singer's cheek, hinting at an emotional breakdown. The executive's eyes softened just the faintest bit. He had to admit that Shuichi had been stronger than expected, trying to move on with his life despite Eiri. He knew that his questions were cruel to the younger boy, pushing him to make decisions that might have been better left unmade. But he needed to know if Shuichi would continue to play a role in Eiri's life or if he had only been a support actor in the writer's play.  
  
"Shindou-san, why are you letting go of Eiri-kun? Is it because you're waiting for him to come back to you on his own, or because you're no longer able to handle your relationship with him?" Tohma couldn't have been more correct if he had read the younger boy's mind. Violet eyes met black ones. The vocalist was no longer able to avoid the older man's questions.  
  
"I want to be with him more than anything. But I don't want him to stay with him if that isn't what he wants." The singer took a deep breathe as the keyboardist held his, waiting for the boy to continue.  
  
"But I'm also tired of playing the same old lover's game with him. It's a stupid cycle: when he gets mad at me or tired of me, he kicks me out, then I go back for more like a complete idiot. I'm sick of doing it over and over again. I want it to stop. Maybe he's right about me, maybe I am a baka after all. It's like I can't get enough... always going back for more." Bad Luck's vocalist glared defiantly at his senior, daring him to argue or disagree. Tohma held his tongue, so Shuichi continued to vent.  
  
"I am not a masochist. I don't enjoy being hurt. And this time, I'm not going to go back asking for more. Our lover's game isn't going to get any better, so it has to end. We're both under too much pressure and now something has got to give. And this time I won't be the one to do it. I won't turn my back on him, but I won't give into him either. Something has to change." The last sentence came out as a whisper, and a single tear spilled from the soulful violet eyes. Still, the pink-haired singer continued to hold the older man's eyes in an unwavering and resolute gaze. Neither looked away, and neither showed any signs of breaking down. The younger boy allowed himself to justify Yuki just the tiniest bit by adding one last thought.  
  
"I know that his past still haunts him. And I wish I could take his pain away. But he's built walls so high even I can't climb over them. So...I'll wait for him... I'll give him as much time as he needs. When he figures out what's important to him, I'll still be waiting... even if he decides that I'm not one of those important things." Tohma held the piercing eyes for a moment longer and then allowed a small yet honest smile spread over his face.  
  
"You haven't given up after all." The producer made it a statement, not a question. Shuichi nodded slightly, turning to view the window.  
  
"I've never given up on Yuki. I don't have it in me."  
  
"So... I was correct after all." The singer turned to face the blonde man again.  
  
"Nani? About what?" Confusion was apparent in the boy's features. Seguchi smiled again. It was about time that he gave some type of approval to the vocalist in terms of his relationship with his brother-in-law.  
  
"Eiri-kun is the most important person in the world to me. But I'm not the one." Shuichi blushed, imagining what his boss might be referring to. The Grasper chuckled, knowing what had crossed the boy's mind.  
  
"Iie, not in that way... though I know that there are those who would believe that." The singer looked up relieved to know that his boss and idol would not be his rival in love.  
  
"What I mean is, I am not the one who can save Eiri-kun from himself. You are. But it won't be easy. I will continue to gather information on his whereabouts, but will only observe from now on. I entrust you to save him before he falls." Seguchi walked to the door and turned to face Shuichi one last time before leaving.  
  
"Be assured Shindou-san, Eiri-kun will undoubtedly fall. It's just a matter of when. I know that being punctual isn't your strongpoint, but being late by just a moment could be too late when dealing with him. I trust that you won't let me down."  
  
"Hai, Seguchi-san. I understand." With that the President of NG Records left the hospital room to leave Shuichi alone with a myriad of thoughts. Or at least for a moment.  
  
"Oi, Shuichi! Did that bastard wake you up? I knew that he was up to no good!" Hiro swung the door open and startled the vocalist out of his thoughts.  
  
"Hiro!"  
  
"Did he do anything to you? What did he say? Why did he want to talk to you alone?" The longhaired brunette shot off questions at his friend. Wide-eyed, Shuichi had a thought of Hiro being similar to a mother hen. He broke into hysterical laughter at which Hiro stopped the line of questions in surprise.  
  
"What's so funny?" The guitarist demanded. He had a feeling that he was the one being laughed at, and he didn't exactly appreciate it... considering how concerned he had been just a moment ago. Before the pink-haired boy could reply, a whirlwind entered the room and pounced on Shuichi.  
  
"Shu-chan! Kumagorou and I were worried about you! We were wondering what made you fall and go 'boom!' Are you better now, na no da?" Ryuichi hugged Shuichi tightly as if scared that younger boy might disappear if he released. The singer of Bad Luck struggled to breathe as he tried to speak at the same time. Sakano fainted at seeing his singer being squeezed to death. K barely kept hold of his magnum as the producer's dead weight fell on his shooting hand. Panic ensued around Sakano and K that included a full round being unloaded into the walls and while a now forgotten pair of singers continued their breathless bonding experience.  
  
"Sa... ku...ma...san!" Shuichi began to turn an unusual shade of purplish-blue as the hug refused to slacken. Noriko walked in and upon realizing the dire situation that the pink-haired boy was in, she intervened.  
  
"Ryuichi! You're going to make Shuichi pass out again! Let him breathe!" The man-child released the said boy immediately, fearing both the wrath of Noriko and the idea of his friend falling to the floor again, and this time himself being the cause of it.  
  
"Gomen Shu-chan! You're okay, ne?! Ne, na no da?!" The God of J-pop's eyes filled with tears as he glumly chewed on the pink-haired singer's arm. The boy squeezed the older man's hand reassuringly.  
  
"I'm fine, Sakuma-san." The tears disappeared without a trace to be replaced by an indignant expression.  
  
"It's Ryuichi! Or Ryu-chan! We're friends aren't we? Friends don't all each other by such cold names!"  
  
"Okay Sa-, I mean, Ryu-chan."  
  
"So how are you feeling, Shindou-san?" Suguru asked politely. In his mind, he was thinking about how much work would have to be caught up on once his coworker was able to return to work.  
  
"I'm fine, just a little tired." Shuichi replied with a grin.  
  
"What is this I hear about you losing weight? You were skinny enough before, but now you're tiny! If you don't start eating soon, you're going to disappear!" Noriko chastised with a frown. It was true; the boy couldn't afford to lose any weight since he was underweight to begin with. While the average weight for his age and body type was anywhere between 130 to 140lbs, Shuichi weighed in at a mere 112lbs. With his recent weight loss, he was only 102lbs. It was dangerously low. Before, no one had bothered trying to fatten him up since he ate enormous portions to begin with, but now it was obvious that his appetite and eating habits had declined. The pink-haired vocalist ducked his head, grinning meekly.  
  
"Gomen Noriko. I guess I didn't realize that I hadn't been eating as much."  
  
"Kuma-chan and I will fatten you up, Shu-chan! Let's see, we'll start with lots of Pocky, na no da!" The man-child began bouncing around the room chanting 'Pocky' as a pink crayon magically appeared in his hand. Together with the help of Kumagorou, Ryuichi proceeded to 'redecorate' Shuichi's hospital room with random scribbles and occasional drawings of Shuichi and himself being 'shiny.' The rest of them chose to ignore the five-year-old- stuck-in-a-thirty-two-year-old's-body. The Grasper's blonde keyboardist would undoubtedly pay for the removal of the art as well as the bullet holes before the pink-haired singer was released from the hospital. The President of NG always took care of the loose ends. Tohma the clean-up boy. So continues the many faces of the Nittle Grasper keyboardist.  
  
K decided at that moment to once again terrify all that were present by reloading his magnum and shoving the barrel into the Bad Luck singer's ear. Everyone froze, hoping the miniature militia-bearing manager wouldn't take aim at any of them. The longhaired manager proceeded to cackle manically, pausing to articulate a few choice words.  
  
"Ah, my lovely singer! You will eat and rest well so that Bad Luck may proceed on its road to ultimate stardom, ne?" Shuichi gulped and nodded very carefully as no to make any sudden movements which would result in a permanently hospitalize self.  
  
"What is that, my melodic leader? I-CAN'T-HEAR-YOOOOOUUUUUU!!!" The last sentence was a mixture of howling and singing that sent shivers down the back of everyone in the room. Bad Luck's manager was dire need of psychiatric care.  
  
"Hai, K-san! I will! I promise!" The pink-haired vocalist responded promptly to assure his manager that he would do as he was asked. Satisfied, K removed the gun from Shuichi's ear and waved it at his audience, making it clear that he wanted everyone out. And they were quick to please. Within mere seconds, the crowded room was once again very empty with the exception of a bawling Ryuichi being dragged out by his hair, courtesy of an ever-smiling and creepily cheerful K.  
  
"I WANT TO STAY WITH SHU-CHAN! HE'LL BE LONELY, NA NO DAAAAA!!!" The howling became fainter as the God of J-pop continued to be bodily taken out of the hospital. Shuichi let a small grin rest on his face as he closed his eyes. The visit had worn him out almost as much as a concert performance would have. Slowly, he felt himself drifting into another dreamless sleep.

Yuki was currently hiding out in the parking lot. He had taken careful notice of the presence of Tohma's limo, K's sedan, and Hiro's bike. This definitely meant Tohma, K, and Hiro was inside the hospital, and more than likely, the rest of Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck was visiting as well. He cursed himself.  
  
_Of course they're in there. They ARE his friends. Not like myself. I'm just the ex-lover.  
  
**Awww... poor Eiri! All alone and not invited to the party?  
**  
Shut-up. I just don't think this was such a good idea.  
  
**Having second thoughts? Your courage failing you?  
  
**Fuck you. I'm the last person he'd want to see.  
  
**But you even brought him FLOWERS! It was so sweet and THOUGHTFUL!**_  
  
Yuki began to growl at that thought when he noticed movement. Tohma had just exited the building, wearing a strange yet clearly satisfied smirk. Something about that didn't look right to the writer, but he just ducked his head to avoid being seen. The limo driver opened the rear door for the blonde executive and within a few moments, they drove away without noticing the novelist's vehicle parked between behind a bush.  
  
Yuki continued to wait for another thirty-four minutes (he was counting on his watch) before the rest of Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck left the hospital, ushered by a gun toting K who was dragging a still screaming Ryuichi. They split up- Hiro alone on his bike, K with Sakano and Suguru in his sedan, and Noriko with a pouting Ryuichi in an unfamiliar red sports car. After they wave or yelled their last goodbyes, they departed in different directions.  
  
After waiting another twenty minutes, Yuki assumed that the stream of visitors had ended and hoped it was safe to go in. Stepping out of his own black Mercedes, the novelist took a moment to look around before giving his car door a light push, shutting it with a dull thump. A dozen pink roses in one hand flicking a cigarette filter with the other, he steadily made his way inside the hospital.  
  
Once inside, it took a dazzling smile and an autograph to find out where Shuichi's room was and obtain a card key. It was of course in a very private area of the hospital where only the most important patients remained. Tohma might've been a scumbag, but he took good care of his assets, namely his bands and employees.  
  
After walking down various hallways and a trip up the guest elevator, he finally arrived outside of a wide door reading '307: Shindou, Private Room- Authorized Visitor Only.' A red light blinked on the card-key entry lock. He slipped in the card-key the young nurse hand given him, and after a beep, the light turn green, allowing entry. Slowly and silently, the writer made his way into the singer's room.  
  
A soft snoring told him that the boy was asleep, probably tired out by his exuberant visitors. He frowned to himself, displeased at the thought of the vocalist's obnoxious friend wearing the pink-haired patient out.  
  
_Why didn't they just leave him alone? He just collapsed dammit. He shouldn't have to deal with their shit in his condition.  
_  
**_Why so protective all of a sudden? Still have feelings for him, ne Eiri?  
_  
**_Leave me alone. Please.  
  
_**_Well, okay... since you're so polite about it.  
_**  
Yuki reached for the patient chart at the end of the bed. He flipped through it catching bits and pieces. Enough to tell him the cause of Shuichi's collapse.  
  
"Patient suffers from overexertion and severe stress... immune systems is weakened... weight loss from 112lbs down to 100lbs even... malnutrition and dehydration... lack of sleep... depression... recommend inpatient observation for forty-eight hour period until patient shows signs of recovery... liable to occur again if not treated properly."  
  
The novelist didn't know whether he felt relief at know that it wasn't life- threatening, or worried because the boy had let himself deteriorate so much and so fast.  
  
He moved silently beside the singer's bed, laying the flowers on the nightstand. Just watching the boy sleep made him feel calm. The rise and fall of his former-lover's chest moved in rhythm with his own breathing. Yuki wanted to etch this moment into his mind so that his last memory of Shuichi would be a peaceful one. Not a tearful and heartbroken one. His eyes moved over the singer's body, tracing every detail. The soft pink hair fell over one eye, small nose flaring with each release of air, pouty red lips trembling with each breath...  
  
Without even noticing it, the writer had moved in closer until he was hovering over the small body. With the lightest of touches, he brushed the hair away from the boy's face.  
  
He leaned down, barely touching his own lips to the singer's. When the pink-haired boy didn't move, the novelist leaned down further until his lips were next to vocalist's.  
  
"Gomen, Shuichi... maybe I'm not strong enough to face my fears. Gomen... for being weak... and leaving you when you need me the most. Gomen." Yuki withdrew his face and stepped away from the boy, afraid to wake him. Afraid that he would be seen.  
  
"I don't deserve you Shuichi. I've never been worthy of anything you gave to me. I still believe nothing lasts forever... but maybe you can prove me wrong. If one day, you do find something that's forever, sing about it... and maybe I'll find it too."  
  
"Even though I was cruel to you, I did it to hide myself from you. I loved you though. And I still do. But I'm not strong enough to seek forever with you. Maybe I will be some day. If I become strong enough, I promise... I will return and find you. Aishiteru, Shuichi." Yuki gave one final glance to the singer, turned, and closed the door behind him. Footsteps echoed his goodbye to the silent halls he left behind.  
  
"Yu...ki...." Shuichi whispered his beloved's name in his sleep, finally able to dream again instead of the usual black sleep that had covered him.  
  
Outside the hospital, a black Mercedes turned out of the parking lot, driven by a lonely blonde man with tears dripping uncheck down his face.  
  
TBC...  
  
MORE REVIEWS! MORE REVIEWS! MORE REVIEWS! ...Please? pout 


	5. This is Your Cue to Shine

Oro. Oro. Oro, oro, oro!!! _Reiannah does a little dance_ Happy 5- Chapter Birthday to me! Yup, yup- this is the fifth chapter that I have uploaded for STLF. Aren't all of you oh so proud of me? _giggles_ Okay, maybe I HAVE had a little too much caffeine for today... but still, any reason for hyperness must be good, ne, ne? MWUHAHAHAHA!!! I AM THE POCKY GODDESS... HEAR ME ROAR!!! _mew_ Okay, I'm done now. _angelic smile_ Arigato minna for the wonderful reviews... I feel so loved. _sniff _BUT... if ever should you discontinue reviewing STLF, the next chapter will come oh so painfully slower! Or... maybe not come at all!!! To prevent this tragedy from occurring, review this chapter immediately upon upload! Or else! glares at audience Believe me, I have discontinued writing fics before due to lazy reviewers... _cough _my stupid friends _cough_... and have been evil enough to leave them at a cliffhanger. MWUHAHAHAHA!!! It is exhilarating to be evil. Anyone want to join me?  
  
Arigato to all my reviewers... I'm sorry but I can't list you all... too many!!! Gomen! I will send Pocky and Ramune soda to all of you in consolation.  
  
To those who cried during the last chapter... It makes me so happy to know that my story could inspire so much emotion! Dry your tears... it will be happier... eventually... if I'm feeling nice... which means there's a fifty/fifty chance of me being truly evil... and having a sad ending.  
  
To my new or more recent reviewers... please continue to let me know what you think of my fic. I love hearing from all of you.  
  
To Demon Girl: Um, can you possibly write down anything different? I'd like to actually find out what you thought was good instead of the same old thing. Please...?  
  
To Cain: Arigato! I think your review was possibly my favorite since I had been hoping so much that you would return to read my next chapter. It made me so happy to know you enjoyed the last chapter. Be warned though... Yuki is still a long ways from being anything near an angel. Yeah, he's going to still be an asshole... but maybe he'll start to be a sweet jerk...? I hope that you won't stop reading and reviewing b/c I told you this. I want more critiques and reviews from you... e-mail me! _pout  
_  
And as always, I love you Nee-chan! _sends happy vibes to Yui-Mag_ It made me so happy to have you FINALLY review chapters 2 and 3 of STLF. But I'll forgive you this time b/c you were studying for your Psych Exam... congrats on getting such good grades! Extra Pocky and Ramune soda for you!!!  
  
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Disclaimer: If I were Maki Murikami, I would own Gravitation. This would include Yuki, Shuichi, Ryuichi, Tohma, etc. Since I am not aforementioned Goddess of Gravitation, I merely harass, kidnap, and sometimes molest such persons as above. Don't ask for details... you're probably not old enough... maybe never will be. After all, I am evil and possess a moderately dirty mind. MWUHAHAHAHA!!! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$  
  
_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts  
  
**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience  
**_  
Chapter 5: This is Your Cue to Shine  
  
Shuichi woke up the next day with a smile on his face and a warm-fuzzy feeling in his stomach. If he didn't know better, he'd have thought he was in love again. But you can't fall in love with a dream, can you? The boy giggled to himself, remembering how sweet his beloved writer had been to him in it. It was absolutely insane of course... Yuki would never buy him flowers in real life. It was just too sappy and romantic for him. And the words he had spoken to the singer.... Shuichi blushed. The novelist had never been able to say, 'I love you,' so freely to the vocalist. But in the dream, he had.  
  
The smile turned a little bit sadder at the remembrance of reality.  
  
_Instead of being my dream come true, it's my dream that probably won't ever come true._  
  
He rolled over on the bed to reach for the phone. His hand froze mid-reach as his eyes settled on a bouquet of pink roses lying on top of his nightstand.  
  
_It can't be. It's impossible. That was just a dream. It didn't really happen...did it?  
_  
As the singer slowly grasped the flowers with a trembling hand, he noticed an envelope buried within the bouquet. He took a deep breath and with shaking hands, he opened it. Enclosed in the envelope, he withdrew a note card with a familiar handwriting. His heart pounded deafeningly in his ears as he read the words.  
  
"Seeking to obtain 'forever'... sing of it when you do." It was unsigned, but the vocalist didn't need a signature to know whom it was from. The warm-fuzzy feeling returned stronger than before as he announced the sender's name to an empty room.  
  
"Yu... ki." His shook himself so as not to daydream and returned his attention to the envelope that held another item. A golden key fell into his open palm. Shuichi smiled sadly, understanding the writer's intentions.  
  
_This is your key, ne Yuki? You really did leave. But you're giving me your apartment. You DID come to see me last night. And you did say goodbye to me. But why didn't you let me say goodbye to you? What are you afraid of, Yuki?  
_  
Then it became startlingly clear. The sadness left the singer's eyes, being replaced by an entirely different emotion.  
  
_Is it... is it that you want me to find something that will last forever? Will you return to me then? And you want me to sing a song for you when I do find it? So that you'll know? And... you're giving me the apartment so... you'll be able to... find me... when you... return?  
_  
Shuichi closed his eyes, holding the key to his cheek. He found strange comfort in having the cold object touch his warm skin. Hope began to fill the void inside his heart.  
  
_Okay Yuki. I'll do it... I'll seek forever. And when I find it, I'll write a song about it so you can return to me. No matter how long it takes.  
_  
The ringing of the phone interrupted the determined thoughts. Shuichi raised the phone to his ear, answering in his most cheerful voice.  
  
"Moshi, moshi! This is Shindou Shuichi." A low chuckle reached the singer's ears.  
  
"Ohayo, Shuichi. You sound a lot better than you did yesterday." Hiro's voice sounded pleased to know his best friend was recovering. Said best friend mentally glomped the longhaired caller as he began to chatter about everything and nothing at the same time.  
  
On the other end of the phone line, the Bad Luck guitarist gave a wink to the dark-haired beauty waiting beside him. Covering the mouthpiece, he whispered a short sentence that brought enormous relief to the Kyoto girl's mind.  
  
"Shuichi's fine. He's back to his old self." Ayaka smiled in sweet relief.  
  
"Do you believe that he has chosen to move on?" She whispered back. Her boyfriend shrugged his shoulders.  
  
"I don't know... it's possible. It'd probably be the best thing for him." The girl nodded.  
  
"I suppose that Shindou-kun is capable of making his own decisions concerning Eiri-kun." Hiro grinned.  
  
"Hai, it's best that we no longer interfere with their relationship." She sighed in consent.  
  
"Then I suppose that I shouldn't provide him with any type of 'fuel' to push him forward?" Her boyfriend nodded.  
  
"Shuichi shouldn't have to be the one who has to chase Yuki-san. The faster he forgets him, the sooner he won't need him." On the other end, the babbling stopped as no response had been given to a question the pink- haired boy had asked his friend. Impatient, the singer screamed into the mouthpiece, making a certain guitarist wince and lose hearing in one ear.  
  
"OI! HIRO! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!"  
  
"Hai, hai. I'm sorry- I got distracted. What did you say?" The vocalist let out an exasperated sigh.  
  
"I WAS asking if you were going to come by today. I need to get my stuff from your house and take it to mine when I get release from the hospital." Hiro raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Your apartment? You mean you already found one?" Shuichi hesitated before answering, unsure of how his friend would react. After all, Hiro and Yuki had never truly seen eye to eye... and it would be a cold day in hell when they admitted agreeing to anything.  
  
"Yuki gave me his." Hiro's jaw dropped. Ayaka's forehead produced a small wrinkle, displaying concern.  
  
"Nani?! When the hell did this happen? Did I miss something?" By now the guitarist was completely confused.  
  
"Ano, you see..." A sharp knocking on his door saved Shuichi from explaining anything to Hiro.  
  
"I'vegottogocausesomeoneisatmydoorandit'sprobablyimportantandI'lltalktoyoula tergottogobye!" The Bad Luck vocalist made several sentences turn into just one and hung up quickly before his friend could have anytime to object.  
  
At the other end, a certain guitarist was cursing profusely into a dead phone lined. This was the second time in two days that Shuichi had managed to escape answering his questions. Whether the force that aided the boy was coincidence or luck, Hiro cursed it to hell. He continued glaring at the phone long after he had replaced the receiver.  
  
Ayaka could almost see the steam billowing out of her boyfriend's ears and nose. She didn't bother asking what had upset him so much. She summed up the reason for his discontent in less than five words.  
  
"Eiri-kun was involved, ne?" Hiro continued to glower at the silent phone, stewing in his own juices. His girlfriend just wore a deceptively sweet smile. In truth, it was merely a mask that hid an ecstatically triumphant Ayaka. She had been correct about how much the writer meant to the singer after all. But of course she wasn't one to rub that in her boyfriend's face. At least not too often.  
  
The innocent smile turned into a wicked one as the perfect young lady plotted on how many different ways she would be able to push her boyfriend's buttons.  
  
Meanwhile in room 307, a certain pink-haired boy was breathing a sigh of relief. He had once again managing to elude the ever-persistent Hiro and delay his quest for answers that didn't need to be answered. The singer smirked to himself. Maybe his 'Bad Luck' had changed to 'Good Luck.'  
  
The knocking at his door returned, waking him from his reverie. His head snapped up and to eye the door suspiciously.  
  
_If it's a nurse, she'll probably make me take some nasty medicine or do some type of stupid test. Nobody from Bad Luck would ever come to visit me this early. Nittle Grasper has to prepare for the their concert today. Who else is there?  
_  
He shrugged, knowing he couldn't find out unless he answered.  
  
"Hai. Who is it?"  
  
"Shindou-san? My name is Fujiya Izanami. I am here as the legal representative of Uesugi Eiri. May I come in?" A clear female voice was muffled behind the thick door. At the mention of his former lover, the vocalist froze. For a long moment, he was unable to produce a sound. He finally pushed the button on the side of his bed that allowed remote access to his room. The card-key lock let out a single beep and the door clicked unlocked. Very slowly, the sharp staccato of heels approached. When the door no longer blocked his view, it revealed a petite female in a black skirt-suit.  
  
She had light brown hair knotted at her neck, blue eyes, and a simple smile. She was decently attractive, but before observing her beauty, her presence stood out even more. She was definitely someone that had a lot of power and influence.  
  
"Ohayo, Shindou-san. As I said before, I am Fujiya Izanami- Uesugi-san's legal attorney. I am here on his behalf to distribute his possessions and property to such persons as dictated to me by him." The boy gestured for her to have a seat, puzzled by her presence. Then a knot formed in his stomach. He felt panic rise in his throat. Was it possible for something to have happened to his beloved? He was suddenly unsure.  
  
"Yuki? D-did something happen to him?" The attorney raised an eyebrow at the nervous voice, but otherwise merely continued to smile.  
  
"Uesugi-san is in fine physical health and as of three hours ago, departed Japan. He has left instructions for the distribution of his remaining possessions to the people he listed. But it seems the only person he listed was you." Shuichi didn't know how to respond to her announcement, so he remained silent. The lawyer continued when she saw he would not interrupt her.  
  
"The following pieces of property are being turned over to you effective immediately: His townhouse- fully paid for and furnished. His vehicles- the Mercedes, BMW, and Jaguar. Anything remaining in aforementioned townhouse and vehicles. Besides this, Uesugi-san has signed over his share of NG Corp to you. He was a minority shareholder, but he seemed to have believed his share might be useful to you in the future." The singer stared at her in shock; unable to process the massive amount of information she had delivered to him.  
  
_Yuki... why are you giving me all these things?  
  
I don't need all this.  
  
Are you giving me this stuff to show me that you still care about me?_  
  
Fujiya Izanami interrupted his thoughts by waving a thick booklet with a lot of fine print in front of his face.  
  
"Shindou-san! Did you hear me?" The serious lawyer frowned slightly at being ignored.  
  
"Ah, gomen Fujiya-san. Could you repeat that?" He gave a sheepish grin, embarrassed at his lack of attention. She smiled tolerantly at him and quickly explained that after he signed on the dotted lines, the assets would be turned over to him within the next seventy-two hours. He nodded, then after a moment's consideration, decided to question the fine print.  
  
"Fujiya-san, shouldn't I read the fine print before I sign?" The lawyer flashed him an amused smirk.  
  
"You can, if you wish. Or you can read it after you sign. It doesn't bother me either way. But I can assure you that there isn't anything in these documents that has any intent to harm, deceive, or take advantage of you. Uesugi-san was merely trying to be thorough in his records so that no one would be able to change or resist his wishes to that of their own. He created these for your own good."  
  
_Yuki... you do love me! Otherwise you wouldn't have gone to all this trouble!  
_  
"Okay, I'll sign the papers." Shuichi scribbled his name on the document in several different places. When he finished with the last line, the lawyer handed him a duplicate unsigned copy to review at a later time. The lawyer replaced the signed copy back in her briefcase and rose to leave.  
  
"Matte yo Fujiya!" Shuichi grabbed the sleeve of her jacket to deter her from leaving. He needed some answers before she left... after all, who's to say they would ever meet again?  
  
"Yuki... do you know where he went?" The boy looked at her with hope emanating from his very pores. She hesitated at first, but saw no harm in admitting only that much information.  
  
"Hai, I do." She smiled at him cheerfully.  
  
"I suppose you can't tell me?" His eyes begged her to reveal the truth, but she remained firm.  
  
"Iie, of course I can't."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because it would be unethical. It's against client/attorney confidentiality."  
  
"Not even a clue?"  
  
"Iie."  
  
"Doushite?" The singer continued to probe for answers, bringing a grimace to the attorney's face. She had to give him credit though- he was persistent.  
  
"I can't. It was his wish for his whereabouts to remain undisclosed. He has his reasons."  
  
"Is he coming back?"  
  
"He did not say." The lawyer decided to finish the conversation abruptly.  
  
"Uesugi-san will make his location public sooner or later, as he will continue to publish his novels. You will know then. But he asks that you and everyone else respect his wishes and reframe from pursuing him. He said that he needs some time alone to make amends and figure out what he wants to do with his life. He claims that Japan no longer holds his interest." Shuichi's hope turned to bitterness.  
  
"So you're saying that he gave me this stuff as a payoff to leave him alone?"  
  
"Iie. Not necessarily. He did it as a parting gift." Seeing the despair in the singer's eyes, her own heart felt a tug of sympathy. In a softer voice, she allowed herself to speak a few rare words of comfort.  
  
"As far as I understand, he feels that he is leaving behind at least one thing he holds very precious to him. He is afraid to overshadow that it, therefore has chosen to leave it to shine on it's own. If memory serves me right, both he and what he holds dear to him are searching for the same thing. I have known Uesugi-san for many years now... he isn't a man who will run away forever. Once he has obtained what he is searching for, he will return. I'm sure of it, Shindou-san." Tears filled the violet eyes once more. She smiled down at him with warmth, reassuring the boy that she hadn't said those words just to console him.  
  
"A-arigato, Fujiya-san. For everything." He bowed his head respectfully. The woman grinned, turned, and paused only a moment at the door to bid a final farewell.  
  
"Sayonara, Shindou-san. I hope you recover soon. Once you do, make sure you take a good look at those papers you just signed. They might interest you more than you might think. Ja né!" With those final words, she left the room, completing her one and only responsibility for Uesugi Eiri. Her part in the writer's play had been completed.  
  
Fujiya Izanami chuckle softly to herself as she exited the hospital. The Bad Luck singer had a lot of surprises in store for him. After all, Yuki loved twisting plots and torturing his brother-in-law.  
  
Back in room 307, Shindou Shuichi was frantically skimming through the thirty-two-page document that had amused Fujiya-san so much. Her words had bothered him, wondering what Yuki had set into action with his gifts. So far, he hadn't seen anything particularly suspicious. Just certain restrictions on when he would be allowed to receive the vehicles, (after a valid driver's license had been obtained) locations of trust account set up in case of emergency, etc.  
  
Then his eyes fell on the section concerning the share of NG Corps he would be receiving within the next seventy-two hours. Just the normal regulations on what his privileges would be and boring stuff like that. The same as when he had received his own 6% share through his record contract. But something was odd... this list was a lot longer. Seven pages longer in fact- his own had only been three. When he reached the end, his entire body froze. His mouth suddenly felt extremely dry, unable to swallow.  
  
The vocalist wasn't feeling too well. He quickly did a calculation in his head. But the result was impossible. It couldn't be real.  
  
Shuichi felt a headache growing between his eyes, making it even harder to think. He didn't understand what was written plain as day in black and white in front of him. Or maybe it was the fact that he couldn't believe that it could possibly be true.  
  
_Yuki, what have you done? Why me? And why NOW? This is absolutely insane._  
  
The leader of Bad Luck continued staring at the paper, waiting for the words to change somehow. They didn't.  
  
And if the fine print wasn't going away, that could only mean one thing...  
  
Yuki loved to add twists to a story just as everything begins to even out.  
  
TBC...  
  
Please review this! I know this story is going in a slightly different direction than how I started, but I thought it would be fun. Let me know what you think and what your guesses are on what just happen with Shuichi and NG Corps. MWUHAHAHAHA!!! I am so evil! This will be fun to write! I had to add more twists; I began getting writer's block! To prevent this from happening again, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!! 


	6. Maybe Means Maybe

Aishiteru minna! Arigato for every one of your reviews! They have brought me so much joy and inspiration... all of you are so sweet! I am out of my writer's block because of your wonderful responses! And ... DUM DUM DUM... here is chapter six of STLF! Hope you enjoy it as much as the last. I have tried very hard to meet your expectations and will work even harder in the future. I love writing this fic and am so happy that so many of you enjoy reading it. Gomen for the writer's block incident... I will try to avoid it in the future. Demo, you know the rules by now... I update, you review, I write more. NO REVIEWS MEAN NO UPDATE!!! In other words... REVIEW OR DIE!!! MWUHAHAHAHA!!! Hai, I know I'm scary and evil... I already admitted that! But you love me anyways. I hope.... Sankyuu and baibai!!!  
  
To everyone who made guesses about the situation with Shuichi and NG Corps... all your questions will be answered in this next chapter... or maybe not. Depends on how evil I feel tonight. _evil grin  
_  
Extra special thanks to the reviewer who wrote that poem/song for my fic... I LOVE IT!!! I actually cried when I read it... you are the sweetest! I wish you had left your e-mail or at the very least your nickname so that I could identify and write to you. Please consider writing back to me with a name next time... I'd really like to use your poem/song in STLF. Again, arigato for the thoughtfulness... hope to hear from you again! Even if you don't want to be identified, I'll treasure your review forever! Suki da yo! _huggles_  
  
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????? Disclaimer: Okay children... this is lesson number 1 for the sixth time... Maki Murikami equals the Goddess of Gravitation. Reiannah equals penniless owner of STLF. I cry... and shake my fist at the evils hand of fate! Why couldn't I be her... or she be me? (Goddess of Gravitation glares at Reiannah) Um, okay... never mind then. I guess she wouldn't be too happy being me....?  
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????  
  
_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts  
  
**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**  
_  
Chapter 6: Maybe Means Maybe  
  
Yuki was extremely jetlagged. He'd forgotten what it was like to change from one side of the time zone to the other. It was painful.  
  
Not only was he tired as hell, but the airplane had also experienced major turbulence over the ocean, the man in front of him snored like one possessed, a fan girl kept throwing love notes at his head, and the airplane culinary had left much to be desired.  
  
_Note to self... never order the chef's choice. He's got rotten taste.  
_  
Then to top it off, he had been cursed with a first-class seat next to the spawn of the devil.  
  
_I hate kids. This one is just begging to get his ass kicked. Stupid parents. I hate parents.  
_  
When they finally landed, the novelist rushed to leave the plane. Gathering his luggage in a record seven minutes, he hailed the first taxi he laid his eyes on and gave directions to his hotel.  
  
He barely avoided getting glomped by the drooling fan girl not to mention having the child of evil nearly followed him into bright yellow vehicle. He avoided that awkward and hair-ripping experience by slamming the door in the kids face. Evil brat.  
  
The writer considered bribing the taxi driver to run the little twerp over for a nice payoff, but reconsidered after seeing how many cops were around. He shrugged. This city needed extra police coverage... after all, it was Sin City. Viva Las Vegas....  
  
The blond man let out a tired sigh, contemplating his situation. He had chosen to make his move to a very crowded city- one where even the most famous person could get lost behind the bright lights, blaring noises, and heavy traffic. It would be easy to remain anonymous in Las Vegas... and difficult for even Tohma to find him.  
  
Though he knew it would still happen... that was unavoidable. But at least he could choose when to be found. Yuki made his living as a novelist therefore thrived on publicity. He couldn't stop writing just to avoid his past. But hopefully the President of NG wouldn't chase after his brother- in-law like he usually did. That was the message he had sent via his long- time acquaintance and attorney- Fujiya Izanami. And he had faith in her... after all, she had never failed him before. After he contemplating the arrangements he had made with his lawyer, the writer couldn't help but following his memories that led to a certain pink-haired singer. From there, his thoughts refused to budge. He felt the tug of a sad smile at the edge of his lips.  
  
_Baka... I wonder what you think of me now?  
_  
_**He thinks that you were just faking him out.  
**_  
_I was quite serious.  
  
__**We already know that, but we both also know that you can't turn your back on him completely.  
  
**Maybe.  
  
__**Maybe?  
**  
I don't know anymore.  
  
__**You don't know?  
**  
He makes me feels things that I don't understand.  
  
**Like what?  
**  
He caused the return of all my nightmares. He made me remember things that were better off left forgotten.  
  
**No, he just forced you to face your own nightmare. If he hadn't, you would never have been able to save him from becoming like yourself.  
  
**Like myself? So he could've been another me?  
_  
_**Yes.  
**  
So what's was the difference, why didn't he?  
  
__**Instead of the one he loved betraying him, he was protecting the one he loved, using his body as a shield.  
**  
Are you saying that there was a chance that I could have been the one to hurt him? Instead of Aizawa?  
  
__**Yes.  
**  
I would NEVER have done what that bastard did to Shuichi.  
  
**No, but if that incident had never happened, you'd never have returned for him. In turn, you might have never revealed your love for him and he would have become bitter at your betrayal of his own heart.  
**  
Huh? I lost you there. Or I guess I lost myself.  
  
**Is that a sense of humor breaking out?  
**  
Kami-sama, I hope not. I heard that they're hard to get rid of.  
  
**Ha ha! You really are quite witty. But stop trying to avoid this conversation with yourself.  
**  
Okay, fine. Explain in Japanese.  
  
**You were destined to be the most important thing in his life... either to save him or destroy him. Both of your choices led to salvation instead of destruction.  
  
**Two things I don't believe in- destiny and forever.  
  
**Well, I guess that's something we'll just have to work on, ne Eiri?  
**  
Keep thinking that if you want...  
  
**Actually, you are the one who keeps on thinking it... otherwise I wouldn't be mentioning it at all.  
**  
That's a lie. Why would I think about such dumb shit like that?  
  
**Hey, you're just arguing with yourself, remember?  
**  
Hmph.  
  
**Now, now Eiri... don't get mad at yourself.  
**  
Hmph.  
_  
_**Anyways, even if you don't believe in forever, you still wish for it, don't you?  
**_  
_I...don't know.  
  
**It's okay. When you do find it... it will lead you back where you belong.  
  
**Where I belong?  
  
**You know. I won't make you say it.  
  
**Hn. What does that brat want anyway? I can't figure him out.  
  
**Or maybe his intentions and desires are too simple and pure for you to believe?  
**  
It wasn't sex, money, or power... so what was it?  
  
**He never asked for any of that. He only asked for you to be his lover.  
**_  
_I don't understand... why? How is that enough?  
  
**Because he believes you are his key to forever.  
**  
Forever? And what would that be?  
  
**Can't say... that would be telling.  
**_  
_Argh! You know, whatever it is, it'll take half of forever just to find it!  
  
**Maybe, but isn't it worth it?  
**  
Why? It's just a waste of time.  
  
**But you promised him... when you said goodbye to him.  
**  
I... I know. But... I'm...uncertain...about...  
  
**About...?  
**  
About... what it might be. What it will mean.  
  
**Because it might mean that you will have to stop hiding behind your mask.  
  
**I don't want to be vulnerable. Not even for him.  
  
**Sometimes you have to admit your weakness before you gain strength.  
**_  
_I don't know if I can.  
  
**Maybe it's about time you figure out what it is that you truly feel for him.  
**  
I feel something that I don't understand. It's different from what I felt for... for Yuki.  
  
**Because what you felt for Yuki was never meant to last forever.  
**  
So what I feel for Shuichi is?  
  
**What do you think?  
**  
I'm... afraid to find out. I want him to be... happy.  
  
**Is it out of obligation or affection that you provided for Shuichi and insured his future?  
**_  
_Maybe... both?  
  
**Maybe usually means yes.  
**_  
The thoughts ended abruptly as the taxi slowed to a stop in front of an enormous mirror-like building. Yuki quickly paid the travel fee as well as a generous tip. Removing the couple pieces of luggage he had brought with him overseas, he turned to face his new residence.  
  
He finally moved into the hotel where the concierge greeted him.  
  
"Welcome to the Bellagio. Do you have a reservation, sir?" A woman in her late thirties greeted him with a friendly smile. With a nod, the novelist withdrew an envelope with the said reservations.  
  
"I have already wired money from my bank account to pay for the room. Under the name Eiri Uesugi. But I have already requested that my stay here remain anonymous. I do not wish to be bothered by anyone." After showing proper identification, the woman confirmed the reservation with a few keystrokes.  
  
"Ah, yes. Mr. Uesugi. You have already paid for a corporate room for a period of thirty days at the rate of $399 per night. All amenities have been paid for and the manager himself has insured your privacy. Allow me to call for someone to assist you to your room with your bags." With that, the bellhop promptly escorted him to his room.  
  
Upon his arrival, he locked and bolted the door then fell across the king- sized bed without bothering to try and get comfortable. He had too many thoughts in his head to even pay any mind to little things like comfort.  
  
Shuichi would have enjoyed this room. There are so many things he would have found interesting. It would have entertained him for a long time.  
  
_**You REALLY miss him, don't you?  
**_  
Yuki let out an irritated growl.  
  
_So WHAT if I DO?!  
_  
_**Nothing at all... but it's nice to see that you're finally admitting it.  
**_  
The writer's eyes softened for a moment.  
  
_Yeah, I guess I am admitting it, aren't I?  
  
**Hmm... maybe you're making some progress after all.  
  
**Maybe I am.  
  
**And maybe you DO have a chance at finding forever.  
**  
Maybe I do.  
_  
The golden eye closed, picturing a certain pink-haired boy as he had been sleeping in room 307, listed under Shindou. The blond man returned his thoughts to his original question.  
  
_Shuichi, what do you think of me now?  
_  
TBC...  
  
Hai, hai... I know... I am evil. We already established this, ne? I know everyone was expecting to find out about Shuichi and NG Corps, demo... I hate it when I deliver only what is expected! It's so boring, na no da! Gomen... I will make up for it next chapter... maybe. If you review this chapter. Like now. Right now. REVIEW DAMMIT!!! Onegai...? pout I'll cry on my computer if you don't. Then the computer will drown there won't be ANY updates! Hai, I am evil... again, didn't we just go over this? 


	7. Never Settle for Less

Arigato to all my pika pika reviewers who have made Reiannah oh so very happy! Because of you, here is the long awaited chapter seven, which finally reveals the truth about Shuichi and NG Corps! And this time I will not be evil and do a chapter that is completely different from what was originally promised... even though I am slightly tempted by the idea of asserting my evil self. _wistfully contemplates evil thoughts _And as always, the same rules apply as before... you must thoroughly review this chapter or else I will refuse to upload the next one for a long time to come. MWUHAHAHAHA!!! Don't even say it... everyone already knows... I AM EVIL. Due to circumstances beyond my control, updates will most likely be limited to once or twice a week for a while... I have a lot going on. Gomen... don't hate me!  
  
Oi, Darksaphire-chan... I hope you have fun on your trip... and I also hope you take heed of my survival tips. _evil grin_ this chapter goes out to you while you are in the midst of the wilderness... I miss you already! You'd better review this as soon as you return... and I expect a review per chapter as usual!  
  
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Disclaimer: You should already know this by now... I don't own Gravitation- never have, never will. The almighty Goddess of Gravitation, Maki Murikami has already laid down her claim at the copyright bureau. I on the other hand lay my claim down on... on... uh... well, I'll find something... ask me later. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%  
  
_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts  
  
**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience  
**_  
Chapter 8: Never Settle for Less  
  
"NANI?!" The voice of the usually calm and collected President of NG Corps echoed down the hall from his office. The ear-shattering scream of Nittle Grasper's male keyboardist was at a decibel even the best soundproofing couldn't conceal.  
  
Inside his office, Seguchi Tohma was on the brink of a heart attack. Never in his thirty-three years on earth had he ever lost control of his emotions to the point of screaming at anyone. Scold, yes. Yell, maybe. But a blood curdling scream straight from a horror movie, hell no! He was far too dignified. But this time would be the exception, not the norm. After all, he had never received such news as he had just then from the attorneys of NG Corps. For little less than fifteen minutes ago, they had received a certified document declaring the impossible. The NG lawyers were about to have kittens.  
  
The fax machine hummed as a twelve-page document began to spool through, straight into the executive's shaking hands.  
  
He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So he did both. On his desk, a hysterically lawyer babbled incoherently over the speakerphone. Not able to come up with any answers for the attorneys, he simple walked back to his desk and ripped out the wires from the phone.  
  
He continued to chuckle maniacally to himself, all the while ignoring the tears that continued to drip down his face. He wasn't quite sure how he felt about this situation. The Grasper unclenched his hand from the faxed document, glowering at it in resentment.  
  
He very briefly considered dealing with a certain pink-haired vocalist the same way he had dealt with Aizawa Taki. But that thought was immediately squashed by a very guilty conscience. Not just guilty on Eiri's behalf, but in some strange and uncomfortable way, he himself had grown attached to the genki boy.  
  
_Kuso! Why the hell did Eiri do this? First he leaves Japan without a trace, now this...?_  
  
Seguchi growled at himself. The tears had stopped by now, leaving behind a swarm of chaotic thoughts.  
  
_Eiri, you bastard. Is this any way to treat your brother-in-law? I love you to pieces, but is unforgivable! How could you betray me like this?!_  
  
The keyboardist glared at the papers, wishing that they would disappear. He let out a sigh of frustration, smoothing out the crumpled documents on his desk.  
  
"Previous shares of NG Corps were held as follows:  
  
Investors: 41%- each investor holds less than 1% each  
  
Sakano: 1%- via NG production  
  
Crawd K. Winchester: 1%- via NG management  
  
Suguru Fujisaki: 3%- via Bad Luck  
  
Hiroshi Nagano: 3%- via Bad Luck  
  
Shuichi Shindou: 6%- via Bad Luck  
  
Noriko Ukai: 7%- via Nittle Grasper  
  
Ryuichi Sakuma: 8%- via Nittle Grasper  
  
Eiri Uesugi: 12%- via NG Corps Administration  
  
Tohma Seguchi: 18%- via NG Corps Administration & Nittle Grasper"  
  
Upon the creation of NG Corps, the Tohma had given Eiri 12% of the company as a 21st birthday present. It had never been publicized, but besides the President of NG, there wasn't anyone who held as much ownership over the company as his own brother-in-law. But now, that had all changed. Tohma had never considered the idea of the novelist ever giving away his share of the company. But he had. And because of it, the President of NG was no longer alone in his position as CEO of NG Corps.  
  
Now there would be a power struggle.  
  
"Current shares of NG Corps are held as follows:  
  
Investors: 41%- each investor holds less than 1% each  
  
Sakano: 1%- via NG production  
  
Crawd K. Winchester: 1%- via NG management  
  
Suguru Fujisaki: 3%- via Bad Luck  
  
Hiroshi Nagano: 3%- via Bad Luck  
  
Noriko Ukai: 7%- via Nittle Grasper  
  
Ryuichi Sakuma: 8%- via Nittle Grasper  
  
Shuichi Shindou: 18%- via NG Corps Administration & Bad Luck  
  
Tohma Seguchi: 18%- via NG Corps Administration & Nittle Grasper"  
  
The President of NG Corps reached into his drawer to withdraw a bottle of aspirin. Popping a random amount into his mouth, he swallowed them dry.  
  
_It's going to be a long, long day. What are you plotting, Eiri?_  
  
{Hiro's apartment}  
  
"Hiro! Listen! You have to believe me!" Shuichi tried to convince his best friend, to no avail. The guitarist knew that the singer had a tendency to over exaggerate therefore didn't believe a words that his friend was saying.  
  
Except at that exact moment, his doorbell rang. After telling the vocalist to hold on for a minute, Hiro got up from his bed to open the door, phone still in hand.  
  
At the door, a courier was waiting. In one hand he held a thick envelope, in the other was a clipboard for the recipient to sign. It was a courier deliver; return receipt requested.  
  
The guitarist for Bad Luck suddenly got a strange twisting feeling in his stomach. He signed the paper on the clipboard and accepted the thick manila envelope. Slowly, he opened the envelope, dreading what it would contain.  
  
After skimming through the contents quickly, he felt a little dizzy. The most unlikely thing had just happened and to Shuichi nonetheless. Leaning against the doorway for support, he raised the phone back to his ear.  
  
"Congratulations, Shindou Shuichi... you really ARE the new CEO of NG Corps."  
  
On the other end, the pink-haired boy smirked.  
  
"I told you so."  
  
{General}  
  
In various parts of Japan, several other people had the same experience. And they also had the same reaction.  
  
Their jaws dropped.  
  
Sakano fainted. As usual.  
  
K dropped his gun. Not usual.  
  
Suguru took a cold shower than reread the papers. He had to take another one after that.  
  
Noriko laughed hysterically... thoroughly amused by the turn of events.  
  
Ryuichi celebrated with Kumagorou over a box of strawberry Pocky and Ramune soda.  
  
And all the way in the United States, Yuki raised his dry martini on the rocks to salute the new CEO.  
  
The writer wore a satisfied grin of his own.  
  
_So what do you think of me now, Shuichi?_  
  
The blonde man sipped his drink, contemplating everyone's reactions.  
  
_You have all the power you need... but the question is, what will you do with it? Do you have the nerve to defy Tohma, if need be?_  
  
The novelist twirled the decorative umbrella between his thumb and forefinger.  
  
_Will you find the strength to make the changes NG needs in order to grow? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make Bad Luck number one?_  
  
Yuki Eiri rested his chin on the back of his hands, smile growing in anticipation.  
  
_Now this... this will be interesting._  
  
With that, the writer dropped a fifty-dollar bill onto the counter and left the bar. He was hit with a sudden wave of inspiration for his next novel. Without wasting even a single moment to throw a second glance at his female admirers, he hailed a taxi to drive him back to his hotel. He didn't want to lose this sudden inspiration, especially after the dry spell he had been stuck in. He was finally realizing the source of his inspiration... the only one who had a chance to find forever.  
  
Yuki smirked at his own sentimentality, amused at how much of a sap he was becoming.  
  
_Is this what you do to everyone that is around you. Do you turn them all into mush, Shuichi? You're infectious... but maybe that's a good thing._  
  
**_You know, he could be the one._**  
  
_The one? The one what?_  
  
_**You know... THE one.**  
  
The one WHAT?_  
  
_**The one that can save you from yourself. The one that will love you not just despite who you are, but because of who you are.  
**  
Hmph. If I can't save myself, how can someone else?  
  
**It's possible because they can forgive you for things you can't forgive yourself for.  
**  
I don't think that's possible.  
  
**Hmm. I think you'll eventually change your mind.  
**  
If you say so.  
  
**In your heart, you believe it to be true as well; otherwise I wouldn't be saying so.  
**_  
Yuki closed his eyes, contemplating his conscience's final words. Gazing out the taxi's window out into the glaring lights of the city, he let his thoughts linger in the silence.  
  
_I'm scared to believe.  
_  
{Next day at NG Studios}  
  
"Congratulations, Shindou-san! I can't believe Yuki-san did this for you!" Suguru had finally acknowledged the truth of the situation after several cold showers and a confirmation phone to his cousin. He sensed that the change in chain-of-command had been as much a surprise to the NG President as it had been to the rest of them.  
  
"It is quite a revelation for Yuki-san to have done something so considerate without any outside persuasion. I wonder what the reasoning behind it was." Hiro wondered how the normally cold and indifferent man could behave so out-of-character.  
  
"That does not matter in the slightest bit! What does matter is that Shuichi now has equal standing to the President himself! This will be a magnificent new beginning for Bad Luck!" K's exultation at the news spread throughout the entire studio where the members and staff of Bad Luck were currently having a celebratory meeting at Shuichi's unexpected promotion. The manager had even abstained from waving any lethal weapons at the group, which both surprised and delighted everyone.  
  
"Oh, Shindou-san... this promotion will cause even more rivalry between Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper! I'm sure Seguchi-san is outraged at this turn of event! What shall we do?!" As usual, their producer worked himself into hysterics and began to sway hinting at another fainting spell. The excitement was just too much for Sakano.  
  
"You worry too much." A voice interrupted Sakano's panic attack. The group turned to face the President of NG Corps himself. At that point, Bad Luck's manager threw himself at the Grasper's feet in homage, all the while pleading for mercy. Everyone else immediately became motionless at the sudden appearance of their boss, not knowing what to expect.  
  
Shuichi finally managed to throw a friendly smile at the blond keyboardist; his own way of extending the olive branch of peace. Tohma smiled back; his way of accepting the said peace symbol.  
  
"Ohayo, Seguchi-san!" The executive inclined his head just the slightest bit in greeting.  
  
"Ohayo, Shindou-san. I came here to congratulate you on your recent promotion. I was quite surprised at the news." Bad Luck's singer wrinkled his forehead, hoping that his senior wasn't too angry at the change in power.  
  
"Ano... so was I. I didn't really expect anything like this to happen. Especially coming from... him." The president nodded, his smile faltering slightly.  
  
"Ah, so he didn't inform you of his plans before he carried them out?" The younger boy shook his head in negation.  
  
"Iie. I didn't know that he even still gave a damn about me until... well, until he came to visit me at the hospital." The blonde's eyes widen in surprise at the startling piece of information his subordinate gave him. He hadn't been informed that any other visitors had come to see the pink- haired idol. Obviously, a hospital worker had been paid off by his brother- in-law to keep the visit as quiet as possible.  
  
Now other questions began to plague the keyboardist's mind. What were the singer's plans for NG Corps' future? Tohma had a feeling that as childish and immature the boy acted, the vocalist had priorities that would eventually interfere with his own.  
  
"So, Shindou-san... what do you plan to do with your newfound influence?" Though the words were spoken in the most casual manner, the singer sensed that the President of NG was genuinely interested in the answer. The boy raised an eyebrow at the question.  
  
_Could it be...? Does he actually feel threatened by my new power?_  
  
An evil smirk spread across boy's face. As much of a bastard as the executive had been to him, it was finally the singer's chance for a little sweet revenge. Bad Luck's star was quite sure that a certain novelist wouldn't have minded either.  
  
"Well... Seguchi-san..."  
  
"Hai?"  
  
"Nittle Grasper has always been my inspiration and idol...."  
  
"I am aware of that."  
  
"But even more than that... Nittle Grasper is my goal." Shuichi smiled sweetly at his boss. The executive felt his own slowly disappear from his lips, apprehensive of what the vocalist would say next.  
  
"Your... goal...?" The blond man slowly began to understand the direction in which the vocalist was going with his speech.  
  
"Hai. But before, Nittle Grasper always had the advantage. After all, their keyboardist is the owner of the most powerful record label, the one that features Bad Luck no less."  
  
"I see."  
  
"Bad Luck was always in Nittle Grasper's shadow, only able to trail behind.  
  
"I see."  
  
"But now, we have a chance to shine beyond Nittle Grasper. Now we can lead the world of music." A triumphant grin played at the singer's lips. For once, Shuichi looked like the hunter and Tohma looked like the hunted.  
  
"So what will you do?" The keyboardist managed to ask the question without his voice cracking, though it was. The pink-haired boy merely smiled.  
  
"He plans to rise above Nittle Grasper." Another voice entered the room. Once again everyone turned to see who it was, only to have a very serious Ryuichi storm into the room to stand beside Tohma. Noriko followed closely behind, positioning herself on the other side of the President of NG.  
  
The executive breathed a silent sigh of relief at having his friends come to his aid in opposition to the newest CEO of NG Corps. Unfazed, the vocalist of Bad Luck simply gazed at his idols. The smile never left his face.  
  
"Hai. Nittle Grasper was my dream. And now I have a chance to make it a reality."  
  
"You think you have what it takes to advance to our level?" The usually childish man didn't have a trace of his playful attitude. Instead, it had been replace by an unwaveringly profound manner. This was no longer a friend conversing with a friend. It was a legend challenging the novice.  
  
"We have the ambition and the talent. All we needed was the chance to make it happen. This just happens to be the window that let us in."  
  
"So, I guess this means Nittle Grasper has to work even harder so Bad Luck won't be able to reach us." The God of J-pop's eye blazed with intensity unfamiliar to anyone except those who knew him the best. The younger boy was familiar with it though. He had seen it before when Bad Luck's up and coming stardom had threatened Nittle Grasper's celebrity. It wasn't personal- it was business.  
  
"There isn't anywhere Nittle Grasper goes that Bad Luck can't go as well."  
  
"Iie... I will take Nittle Grasper to a level even Bad Luck can't touch. I will make sure of it." With those final words, Ryuichi turned sharply and left the studio as silently as he had appeared in it.  
  
"See you at the top of the charts, Shuichi! Don't fall before you get there!" Noriko threw a wicked grin in Shuichi's direction before following suit.  
  
Tohma in the meantime had regained his signature smile of courtesy. Turning to follow his comrades, he put in his last two cents.  
  
"Well, I guess we will see you on stage, Shindou-san. But I'm pretty sure Nittle Grasper won't make it very easy for you." After the President of NG Corps had left the studio, a hushed mood left the room silent for a few minutes until Shuichi finally broke it.  
  
"I never thought for a moment that it would be easy. But Bad Luck will become legends too. I refuse to settle for second place any longerss."  
  
TBC...  
  
Hope everyone enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Let me know what you thought about it! Review or else I will not update for a long, long time! pout Onegai...? I miss my reviews! I cry and get writer's block without them! So be nice and review as soon as you find out this was uploaded! Ja ne! 


	8. Loving the Competition

Oi, oi! Welcome back to STLF where we are now on chapter 8... sugoi! We actually made it this far! Can you believe that I originally intended for this story to be a one-shot, not a chapter series? _grins_ Well, as long as you continue reading and reviewing, I will continue to update. Arigato for the awesome responses everyone gave for chapter 7... they made Reiannah so, so happy! _does a happy dance_ Gomen but as I said before, the updates will be slowing down to only once a week or so.

There were many questions about the past few chapter so I thought it'd be a good idea to answer them so there wouldn't be too much confusion in the future. Hope this helps...

1.) Yes, NG Corps does label more than just Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck. But since those two bands are the top ones and having been successful for such a long period of time, they are the one who receive the largest shares. The other bands under NG are considered one of the investors and have to be satisfied with less than one percent. In STLF, Bad Luck has been successful for almost two years now. The only ones who can top them are Nittle Grasper.

2.) Yes, the rivalry is up 110%! Isn't this fun! But rest assured, Shuichi and Ryuichi will remain great friends... and it will be interesting on how good of friends I decide to make them....

3.) Money and power aren't everything... not for Shuichi and Ryuichi at least. And as we progress, it isn't what really drives Eiri and Tohma either. Keep reading to find out!

4.) And for the million-dollar question... can Bad Luck ever surpass Nittle Grasper? Well, I can't tell you everything that I plan, but I will say this... if Ryuichi, Tohma, and Noriko didn't believe that Bad Luck had enough talent to do so, why did they bother to come out of retirement?

Disclaimer: If you don't know by now, I guess I have to remind you. Maki Murikami owns Gravitation; I own pocket lint. Don't sue me cause all you'll get is said pocket lint. On the other hand... it is colorful.

_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts_

_**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**_

Chapter 8: Loving the Competition

Ryuichi was slightly peeved at the recent turn of events. At first the news had been exciting and he had been delighted at Shuichi's good luck. He was still happy for him, but now a deeper emotion emerged from within the man-child's heart. It was close to jealousy, but not quite petty enough to be considered so. It was a resolute sort of feeling. Something that the Grasper had hidden behind his mask of lightheartedness.

_That little shit thinks he can dominate me?! Does he think that all it takes is a little power and talent to rise above ME?!_

Shuichi had awakened something inside of Ryuichi that had remained dormant for many years. It was the recognition of an equal. The God of J-pop had felt it when he had first met the younger singer, and even began to fear it when the pink-haired boy had appeared in his place on Music Fan.

Maybe the fear came from the Grasper's recognition of himself inside the novice singer. The recognition of the same drive that brought himself to the top. The drive and talent that had made him a legend. And the chance that Shuichi had the potential to become a legend as well.

Ryuichi growled in frustration.

_That punk isn't going to surpass me... not without a fight._

_I won't let him reach the top easily._

_**But even at my best, I can't keep him from shining.**_

The God of J-pop rubbed his temple, trying to sort out his emotions.

_I want Shuichi to shine. But I want to shine too. I can't settle for second best._

_But is his light brighter than mine?_

The legend sighed, unable to answer himself.

_I don't know... but I'll find out one-way or another._

{NG Studios}

"**Amid these glassy stylish lies, my heart seems to want something."**

Bad Luck was currently in recording session.

"**With those smoke-illusory fingers, you've merely begun to call out to me."**

It seemed Ryuichi's challenged had motivated Shuichi to an unstoppable point.

"**Smashing Blue the world that stretches toward eternity."**

They had been recording continuously for the past two and a half week.

"**In memories, make me true. Fading, you are silent."**

At the rate that they were progressing, their new album would be completed five months ahead of schedule.

"**Speed that could break us, Smashing Blue."**

Needless to say, Sakano had been euphoric the results of the new rivalry.

"**Twilight is the time that begins everything and then races ahead."**

Though he had been initially apprehensive of how his lead singer's promotion would affect their relationship with the President of NG, he soon realized this was business.

"Alright! That's a wrap! Great session! I think we can use that just as it is for the album." The sound technician cut the music and gave a thumbs-up of approval.

The pink-haired singer threw a startled glance at the technician.

"Matte! That was only the middle of the song! What about the second half?"

"The ending you did yesterday was fine. I'll put the two halves together and we'll release it like that." Shuichi grinned in surprise. They had finished the song in less than two sessions.

"Man, Shuichi! You made quick work of that!" Hiro thumped his best friend on the back, causing the singer to choke on his Ramune soda.

"Hai, I must say that even I'm awed at your dedication. Recording eight songs within a two and a half week period is an impressive accomplishment not just for you, but for anyone." The Bad Luck keyboardist grudgingly complimented the vocalist.

"YEAH! Let's see Nittle Grasper stay on top now! Within a week of this album's release, they'll be choking on our dust!" The exuberant manger pulled the trigger to his grenade launcher, blasting a hole through the ceiling of the studio. While everyone dove for cover from the falling wreckage, K continued to cackle in exhilaration, not moving from his position on top of a small coffee table.

Once the air had cleared and the debris stopped falling, Sakano poked his head out from under the coffee table that Bad Luck's manger was standing on.

"Uh, hai. I am very proud of you as well, Shindou-san. You have exceeded our highest expectations of you. We only need to complete a minimum of five more songs to complete the album." The vocalist beamed at the praise.

"I think that's enough for tonight. We'll meet up again tomorrow morning at 9:00 am." The manager lowered his massive and now smoking arsenal as he announced the next meeting time as well as dismissed the current session.

Everyone cheered as the long day of intensive work ended. Hiro turned to Shuichi.

"Oi, Shuichi! You need a ride home?" The pink-haired boy shook his head at his friend's offer.

"Iie... that's okay Hiro. I don't want to keep you from Ayaka any longer. I'm sure she's anxious to see you." A mischievous look settled in the violet eyes as the longhaired guitarist blushed at the connotation.

"Ah, well...." Shuichi smirked knowingly. He waved off his friend's attempt at an explanation with one of his own.

"Besides, K-san is taking me to get my license tonight." Hiro froze in shock at this new revelation. Images of Shuichi running over pedestrians and crashing into buildings filled his head.

"Uh... is that so? Um, Shu... is that such a good idea?"

"Shuichi is quite responsible in a car. His driving skills are not at all lacking." This came from their manager who had taken firm hold of the singer by his shoulders, leading him away to the exit.

"Ja né, Hiro! Next time you see me, I might be a licensed driver in one of Yuki's cars!" As the vocalist and manager proceeded to leave the studio, everyone else that had been left behind shuddered simultaneously. Shuichi driving was not very appealing.

"Okay, I'm leaving right NOW! I want to be off the road before Shindou-san get on it." Suguru quickly gathered his belongings and made his way to the exit as well. Hiro followed closely behind him.

"I second that thought. I want to live to see my girlfriend."

{Las Vegas, Nevada}

Yuki had shut himself up inside his hotel room for the past week, working nonstop on his new novel. Pausing only for the occasional bathroom break, a couple hours of sleep, or to order room service, the writer had not seen daylight in so long; he'd forgotten what it looked like.

The sudden inspiration had flooded his mind with countless ideas. He wanted to get them all down on his laptop before he lost any of it.

He had been so focused on writing, that he hadn't showered for over four days.

He did not smell like a romance novelist at all.

The writer sighed heavily, typing down the last few words in his line of thoughts. Hitting the save button, he pushed himself back from the desk. Giving his work a final glance, he shut the laptop gently.

_I guess it's about time I cleaned myself up._

He stood up, took a moment to stretch, and then made his way over to the luxurious bathroom.

_I wonder how things are in Japan._

Running the water to just above lukewarm, the novelist stripped down and stepped into the stream of running water.

_Tohma is probably throwing a hissy fit by now._

Though he had always preferred extra warm showers, the weather in Las Vegas wouldn't allow him to do it in comfort. It was far too warm and humid for anything to be enjoyed hot.

_And Bad Luck... I wonder how they are handling the change in power._

_**Why don't you find out for yourself?**_

_Well... it's not as if I really care or anything._

_**Sure you do. You don't have to lie to yourself.**_

_I guess I am just a little curious._

_**What harm could it do just to look it up on the computer?**_

_Yeah, I could do that._

Refreshed after the brief shower, the writer wrapped a towel around his waist and made his way back to his laptop. It had already been hooked up to the Internet courtesy of the hotel. Without bothering to even sit down, he reached down and clicked on the Internet icon. Typing in the keywords 'Bad Luck and J-pop,' the search engine produced over 2.5 million results. The blonde man let out a soft whistle.

_Damn! I didn't know that they'd become this big in the music industry._

Turning his attention back to the results, he scanned through until he found what he was looking for. With another click of the mouse, the screen flashed onto the laptop.

Skimming through the main page of that particular site, his eye caught the words, 'Recent updates on Bad Luck.' With another click, the novelist finally acquired the information that he had been seeking.

"Update 01/11: Bad Luck is due to release their new album November 1st. Title of album has yet to be determined."

"Update 01/17: Bad Luck will make a guest appearance on Japanese Morning News. Will be performing double platinum single, 'Bird'."

"Update 01/20: Bad Luck will appear on Hit Stage on the 24th. Will perform newly released single, 'Melancholic Seven Days' and many others."

"Update 01/25: Bad Luck's vocalist, Shindou Shuichi collapsed on-stage yesterday. No details on how or why."

"Update 01/26: NG Corps President Seguchi Tohma released a statement on Shindou Shuichi's condition. Collapse due to over exhaustion and stress."

"Update 01/30: NG Corps made a formal statement via one of their attorneys that there has been a change in how the shared are being held. Shindou Shuichi has mysteriously inherited an extra 12% share of NG Corps, thus making him an equal shareholder to the President of NG."

"Update 05/08: Bad Luck reports being ahead of schedule on the recording of their new album. New release date projected to be June 15th."

"End of Updates...."

So, they're ahead of schedule, ne? I wonder what motivated him so much... 

{Tohma's Office}

"I think it's a good thing for Shuichi to be so driven." Noriko put in her two cents to the discussion between Tohma and Ryuichi. They both turned to glare at her in unison. Throwing her hands up in surrender, she became silent once again.

"It's not the fact that Shuichi has the new shares that bothers me. It's that he thinks he's hot shit and can challenge me because of it! Nobody is cooler than me, dammit!" Ryuichi snarled in agitation. Tohma nodded in agreement, his usual smile of phony politeness marred by a dissatisfied twist in his lips.

"Shindou-san needs to put in his place. He seems to be in the middle of a power trip. It's not like him to recklessly oppose us."

"A little bit of power and his head blows up!"

"Well, Ryuichi... how do you want to handle this?" The President of NG posed the question in his most serious manner. The God of J-pop raised his eyes slowly.

"I can't... I won't allow Shuichi to just usurp me. Music... it's what I live for. If I can't shine onstage, I can't shine anywhere else. He's my friend, but when it comes to music, he's my rival."

"I understand."

"I think in my entire career, Shuichi is the one that I have ever feared as a rival. I know that his passion for singing is as powerful as mine. All he needs is to perfect his talent just the slightest bit and he won't be following me anymore. He'll be right beside me." Ryuichi lowered his eyes back to the floor. Noriko put her arm around his shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"Ryu-chan... what do you want to do?" The second keyboardist brushed the vocalist's hair away from his face.

"I... I want to exceed the highest expectations for Nittle Grasper. I... I want to give Shuichi a run for his money. But, I know that... he might catch up eventually. And... maybe that's a good thing. I actually... kind of... want... Bad Luck to reach us." Tohma raise his eyebrow at his friend's words, perplexed at the variation in desires. Noriko's eyes widened in surprise as well, unable to understand the change in heart.

"Ryuichi... you want Bad Luck to surpass Nittle Grasper?" The NG executive spoke the words in a tone of disbelief.

"I... I want Shuichi to shine as bright as he possibly can. He's so... beautiful when he shines." Behind the idol's eyes, an emotion akin to longing appeared. After another moment of silence, a Kumagorou hand puppet popped out from behind the singer's back, and the serious side of Ryuichi disappeared.

"Hai, hai! Shu-chan is the most pika pika person in the whole wide world besides Ryu-chan! Kuma-chan likes to play with a shiny Shu-chan, na no da!" And with those final words, the God of J-pop fled the room hastily before his friends could have a chance to question him.

Noriko turned to her fellow keyboardist in confusion at what had just happened.

"Okay, what the HELL was that?" Hands on her hip, the female Grasper demanded an explanation from executive of NG. An amused grin played at the corners of Tohma's lips, finally realizing what their vocalist had just proclaimed to them.

"It seems that our innocent little Ryuichi has just gotten his first crush." The President didn't know whether to be alarmed at the newest revelation or to be pleased that his friend had finally found an interest in love. The blue-haired woman's jaw dropped in shock.

"NANI?! You mean...?"

"Hai. It seems that Eiri-kun has a new rival for Shindou-san's affections. He had better take care of whatever business he has as quickly as possible. Ryuichi has a way of always getting what he wants."

"Kami-sama! What ELSE can go wrong?"

"Don't ask questions that you really don't want to be answered, Noriko."

"This whole situation seems to get more and more complicated. Did you know how Ryu-chan felt about Shuichi beforehand?"

"Iie, not really. Though I did find it unusual how interested he was with Shindou-san."

"So, where do we do from here? I'm so confused that I don't even know if Ryu-chan wants to crush Shuichi's career or advance it."

"Hmm... maybe he wants to do a little bit of both. Do me a favor, Noriko. Don't say anything to anyone about Ryuichi's 'crush.' Things are complicated enough as it is."

"Yeah, alright. So what's the game plan?"

"We will continue to rise in the music industry. And we will stay ahead of Bad Luck as long as possible. The rest is up to Ryuichi and Shindou-san. As interested as I am in their love triangle... it's not any of my business."

"You mean you're NOT going to be nosy and interfere? What a surprise... are you ill, Tohma? This isn't like you at all." Noriko placed a hand on the executive's forehead as if to check his temperature. Rolling his eyes in tolerance, the male keyboardist turned to leave the room.

"I have a lot of unfinished business to take care of. We'll figure more of this out later.

"Ja né, Tohma!"

{General}

What did I just say back there? 

Once Ryuichi had been sure that neither of his friends was following him out of the office, the singer had slowed his pace and made his way to a small playground. It was his quiet place, where nobody would recognize him, as everyone there was either too young or searching for his or her children.

Pushing himself slowly on a swing, he took a moment to reflect on what he had just admitted to his friends.

Well, it wasn't as if I made it too obvious... did I? 

Glaring at the pink bunny in his hands, the Grasper bit his lip in anxiety.

_How could I have let that slip? I'm such an idiot._

The pink bunny watched him with laughing eyes, as if to agree.

"Kumagorou, what do I do now? If Shuichi finds outs, he'll hate me. He might even stop singing with me."

The stuffed toy continued to stare at him silently.

"I... I want to shine. But I want to shine... with... Shuichi. Is that wrong?"

Kumagorou didn't answer. Ryuichi shook his head sadly.

"Why does this have to be so complicated, Kuma-chan?"

The God of J-pop closed his eyes, holding his beloved companion to his chest.

"Why do I feel this way?" A single tear hit the sand beside the swing. Even gods cry.

TBC...

OMG- I can't believe that I made Ryuichi fall for Shuichi! Am I evil or what? So the question is... who will Shuichi choose in the end? Votes anyone? REVIEW OR DIE! MWUHAHAHAHA!!! Hai, I miss my reviews. So please let me know what you think of this new twist... onegai? The more reviews I get, the faster and better the next update will be! And I need more ideas too! Sankyuu! Aishiteru minna!


	9. Look Beneath the Surface of My Mask

Konnichiwa, minna! Arigato to my loyal reviewers... your feedback and encouragement is what keeps STLF going! I know that I added a strange twist to Ch. 8, but I hope that nobody hates me for it. I love Ryuichi... he's so cute and sexy! But in the end, it's up to you guys who Shuichi chooses. Who knows? I might decide to be evil again and KILL someone off... MWUHAHAHAHA!!! We'll see how the next few chapters go. plotting evil schemes

In this chapter, I used the song "Be There" by Nittle Grasper. Since the entire lyrics were never published, I decided to complete them myself. Let me know what you think of them... but be kind! At least I tried. I borrowed a piece from the manga and another piece from Maki Murikami's original doujinshi, "HELP!"- which was the pilot for Gravitation.

This chapter of STLF is dedicated to Youko Forever... thank you for the encouragement and support!

Disclaimer: Repeat after me... "Maki Murikami is the Goddess of Gravitation." Very good children.

_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts_

_**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**_

Chapter 9: Look Beneath the Surface of My Mask

The next day at NG Studios, the cast of Bad Luck celebrated Shuichi passing his driver's test. Though no one there would ever feel safe on the road again, they were still impressed at the fact that the singer had actually passed the test without bribery or blackmail.

But they did wonder if the driving instructor was a fan girl. Or just completely insane.

They didn't dare express any of these thoughts with K around though. He had been overjoyed when he had received the news.

After a quick celebration, they prepared themselves to start on the next track. Or that's what would have happened if not for the excitement in the hallway that interrupted them.

"Hey, did you hear them?"

"Yeah, it's the remake of their triple platinum single, 'Be There'."

"Kami-sama! It's even BETTER than the original!"

"This is what makes them legends!"

"Let's go listen! They'll let us in, right?"

"I hope so... we won't ever get a chance like this again."

The members of Bad Luck looked at each other in shock. Shuichi opened his mouth, only able to let out a whimper. After clearing his throat and trying a second time, he was finally able to articulate what was on his mind.

"A remake of 'Be There'? Even better than the original? Is that possible?" The vocalist threw the question at his manager, since K had worked with Ryuichi longer than the rest of them. The blonde narrowed his eyes and nodded.

"Shall we find out for ourselves?" After a quick consensus, the entire group rose and made their way to the studio in which Nittle Grasper worked in.

Even with the superior soundproofing that surrounded each studio, the vibration from the Grasper's studio resonated down the hallway. A large crowd had already blocked the entrance, but with a wave of his rifle, the crowd quickly moved aside for K. Pushing the pink-haired boy forward to get a better look, Bad Luck's manager waited for his vocalist's reaction.

"**Help me, somebody help me...**

**But if you think I'm your burden**

**Then I'll say 'So long' and flee."**

It was breathtaking.

"**The harsh reality of a bittersweet existence**

**Cripples the purity of your once innocent mind**

**I wait alone in the remains of what you left behind**

**Searching for a vestige of your now fading light."**

Nothing that Nittle Grasper had recorded previously could compare to this.

"**Where am I- can anyone find me?**

**I'll cry out into the forsaken night..."**

Shuichi watched in wonder, reveling in his idol's passionate display.

"**Please HELP me... {Somebody help me!}**

**If you consider me to be your burden**

**I will say 'So long' anytime**

**But I only hope that you will**

**Be there anytime!"**

Then the pink-haired singer narrowed his eyes, noticing something unusual about Ryuichi's face.

"**A sweet smile invites me to an everlasting sabbat**

**Only a mask hiding humanity's predilection for sin**

**Reaching out to embrace your motionless body**

**You crumble to dust under my hesitant touch."**

It almost appeared as if the legendary Grasper had tears coming down his cheeks.

"**I'm so lost- can anyone guide me?**

**I'll cry out into the forsaken night..."**

Then with a startling recognition, he realized that it was true. His god was actually crying as he sang the lyrics.

"**Please HELP me... {Somebody help me!}**

**If you consider me to be your burden**

**I will say 'So long' anytime**

**But I only hope that you will**

**Be there anytime!"**

No one else had realized it though. They were too mesmerized by his performance to be able to perceive anything else.

"**Save me, won't you redeem me?**

**If I'm your burden then I'll flee**

**But my only hope for the future is**

**That one day you'll be there for me."**

His voice wove a spell around everyone who listened.

"**So be there for me...**

**Be there for me...."**

The original "Be There" had been speeded up the slightest bit and upgraded with a rhythm that was even more intricate than before. In further refining the harmony with a synthesizer, the sound was even more soulful than before. The result was a speechless audience.

Everyone who was listening was enraptured by the phenomenal voice. There had yet to be a single comment about the moist drops that rested on the legendary singer's face. No one had even noticed.

Or perhaps they thought it was all just a part of the show.

If so, they thought wrong.

As the music faded into silence, Ryuichi's eyes flew open in shock at the thundering applause that surrounded him.

Up until that point, he had been so intent on his vocals that he had blocked out the world around him. When he sang, he threw his very being into another his own world where he could feel his emotions without being judged.

And during this song, his emotions were directed at his longing for only one thing.

Or rather, person. And that person also happened to be the only one in the room that was not clapping.

Instead, the pink-haired musician was scrutinizing his idol attentively, not even blinking an eye. Unsure what to say, the Grasper stared back dumbfounded.

_Kuso! How could I let my guard down like that? I might as well have screamed 'I love you Shuichi!' at the top of my lungs. Maybe I can play it off._

"Ohayo, Shu-chan! Did you like my pika pika new song?" Falling back easily on his childlike charade, the God of J-pop proceeded to glomp the Bad Luck vocalist.

"Ryuichi-san! It was... great! The best yet!" The younger boy smeared a cheerful expression on his face. He made a mental note to himself to question his hero at a later time concerning the tears.

"You think so, Shu-chan? That makes Kumagorou so happy!" On cue, pink bunny ears poked out from behind the man-child's back.

"Hai, hai! You really are a god! Only Nittle Grasper could have improved what is already perfect! 'Be There' is my favorite song, and now I love it even more!"

The legendary vocalist pulled away from the pink-haired boy at the last comment. Bad Luck's singer arched his eyebrow, concerned once again. His idol wore an expression of detached sadness on his face.

Or was it loneliness?

Averting his eyes from the apprehensive singer, Ryuichi became solemn once again.

"Ryuichi-san? Nani yo?" The boy's anxiety grew with each breathe of silence. After what seemed like a never-ending stillness, a quiet voice answered him.

"Arigato, Shuichi. It makes me happy to know that you like it so much. I rewrote it... just for you." The Grasper's words astounded the young musician.

"F-for ME? Why ME?" Shuichi's voice rose ten decibels until it was a barely audible squeak. Ryuichi smiled kindly at his number one fan.

"Because you're the only one in this world that can see beyond my shine." Bad Luck's vocalist gulped loudly. He was getting a funny feeling in his stomach...

"Nani...? Beyond your... shine?"

The Grasper chuckled good-naturedly. Meeting the violet eyes once more, he directed a knowing look at the boy.

"It's okay, Shuichi. I know that you can see the other side of me."

"Ryuichi-san...."

With a reassuring wink, the God of J-pop turned to leave the studio.

"You have my number, Shu-chan... maybe we get hang out some time! It'll be fun!"

"Eh, hai! Of course!" As soon as his idol had left the room, Shuichi let out a shriek that was pure fan boy.

"KYAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! My god wants to 'hang out'... with ME! SUGOI!!" Breaking off his shriek as suddenly as it had begun, the singer turned abruptly to his awaiting manager who happened to display a very amused expression on his face.

"Now THAT was interesting. So what did you think of the legend's rebirth?"

"That... was... SO SWEET!!! I can't believe that even Nittle Grasper can improve!"

K smirked. Now was a good time to test the singer's resolve.

"And do you still believe that you can reach them... much less go beyond them?"

Shuichi immediately dropped his fan boy act. This wasn't a question that he would blow off in fun any longer.

"Hai. I don't just believe it... I know it. Bad Luck will stand as an equal to Nittle Grasper in the future. I won't take back what I said before." The blond manager beamed with pride at his star.

"Ah! Maybe Nittle Grasper weren't the only ones to have been reborn recently! I admire your newfound determination. Bad Luck may sooner no longer have to reach for the stars as you may be joining them."

"Hai, that is my intention."

{Las Vegas, Nevada}

Yuki typed the final sentence of his premier book for the United States. After a mere three weeks of intensive writing, his newest romance novel was finally completed. His American publisher had been eager to accept him under their company, offering ridiculously extravagant royalties and bonuses.

With a click of his keyboard mouse, his masterpiece was saved. Another few clicks and it was saved on a floppy disk, ready to be sent out for editing.

A satisfied smile grew on his face. In another three months, it would be out in every bookstore and library.

And undoubtedly, it will have reached Japan by that time as well.

Closing his eyes, the writer leaned back in his chair to stretch out his half-immobilized limbs.

_I think I'm truly pleased with this one. I actually thought it was better than my usual._

**_That's because it's special._**

_Yeah, it's special._

**_You're maturing at a rapid rate, Eiri. The old you would never have admitted that something to you._**

_Yeah, well we all have to grow up sometime._

_**You can't wait for this one to be printed, can you?**_

_Mnn._

_**Is it because you want Shuichi to read it?**_

_It could be. I'm not sure if he'll understand it though._

**_How could he not? After all, it is about the two of you._**

_I guess I'm just not sure if he'll make the connection. He is a little dense._

**_He's smarter than you're willing to give him credit for. But you know that already, don't you? Because I wouldn't be saying that if you didn't already know it._**

_Eh. So when are you going to leave me alone?_

**_I leave when you go back._**

_If I refuse?_

**_I don't leave. But I think that you'll go back without me pushing you to do so._**

_Why do you think that?_

**_Because that's your true desire._**

_I'm uncertain of what I'd be returning to._

**_You'd be returning home. Where you belong. And where people care about you._**

_I doubt anyone misses me very much. From what I've heard, NG is embroiled in a lot of inner conflict, Tatsuha is trying to leave the temple, Mika is contemplating divorce, and my father is probably faking death again._

**_Keeping tabs on them, I see._**

_Nothing new. Same shit, different day._

**_Shuichi is waiting for you though._**

_Why would he bother?_

**_Because you asked him to. Not in so many words- but it was a promise and a request nonetheless._**

_Mnn. Maybe I shouldn't have done that. Tying him down like that._

**_It isn't tying him down. It's holding him up._**

_Mnn._

**_Anyway, I'm sure that you'll change your mind about staying here sooner or later. You don't even like it here._**

_Yeah. Too many damn lights, everything's filthy, and the entire population consists of perverts, hookers, and crack heads._

**_You've got to admit, it's good for laughs!_**

_Laughs?! I can barely keep a meal down because of all this shit! I've lost count of how many times I've been propositioned. By both woman AND men. And some that looked suspiciously like neither and both. Sick!_

**_So if you hate it so much, why don't you leave? Or just give into your desires and return to Japan?_**

_I... can't. Not yet. I'm... not strong enough._

**_But you do admit that it's what you want, ne Eiri?_**

_Mnn... maybe._

_**You REALLY miss him, don't you?**_

_Mnn... I guess I do._

**_You know you can go back at anytime, ne? He'll take you just as you are._**

_Iie. I can't do that. It'll be the same shit all over again._

**_So what are you waiting for?_**

_I want to be stronger, to become a better person. To find peace with my past go that I can move on with my life. Shuichi... he deserves better than what I gave him._

**_I'm proud of you... at least you have the strength to admit THAT._**

_Yeah, maybe I am getting stronger after all._

**_There's hope for you yet._**

_Maybe... but change takes time. And I've been in this mold for so long, I don't know if it's really possible for me._

**_I believe in you._**

The final words from his conscience startled the novelist. By saying 'I believe in you,' it was as if the writer himself had said 'I believe in myself.'

Another genuine smile graced his face as he contemplated a title for his newest novel.

After another moment to reflect on the theme of his story, Yuki typed in a single word. It was the only word that had the power to express the unique relationship between the blonde writer and the pink-haired singer.

"**Gravitation"**

TBC...

I don't know... did you like the ending? I thought that it'd be a cute idea for Yuki to publish the story of Gravitation in the format of a romance novel. And because it's about him and Shuichi, it'd be a true story! Then that would mean that I really COULD find them and molest them! fan girl squeal That would be my dream come true! N-E-ways, ONEGAI REVIEW!!! Or else I will go on update strike! Or I'll just pout and cry then get writer's block again. sniff


	10. Behold the Power of Potential

KWAH!!! Wow, look how far STLF has come along! Isn't it amazing?! Well, I think so. Does anybody else care? _pout_ I guess not. sniff Nobody loves me. _sob_

N-E-ways... it makes me so happy to know that I'm still getting new reviewers! Arigato to all! Oh, and since it's been a while... Pocky and Ramune soda for all as well. _grins_

We've made a lot of progress since the beginning of STLF:

1.) Yuki is not as cold-blooded as he pretends to be.

2.) Shuichi doesn't enjoy being shitted on forever.

3.) Tohma can show signs of fear towards something.

4.) Ryuichi has more going on in his fluffy head than we ever imagined.

5.) Bad Luck may have a chance of reaching Nittle Grasper after all.

DUM DUM DUM!!! And there's much more to come! I have a feeling that these next few chapters are going to be packed with angst! So much to write... not enough reviews to compel me to do so. Hai, I am being stubborn. And hai I am evil. Can't you tell by my maniacal laughter? Oh, wait... I haven't done it recently. Here it is... MWUHAHAHAHA!!! REVIEW OR DIE!!! _kapoomph_ Kyah! I lost my evil muse! What do I do now? HELP! I am nothing without her! _sob_

Oh, oh! One more thing... huggles to Jenn-chan... hope you like Ch. 10! Let me know, ne?

{Disclaimer} Cut & paste your favorite disclaimer here... I'm too lazy to make them up anymore.

_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts_

_**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**_

Chapter 10: Behold the Power of Potential

A new song.

**"Spicy Marmalade! These days, people really seem"**

That's what K had demanded of a certain pink-haired lyricist, three weeks after Nittle Grasper had released the remake of 'Be There.'

"**To be led astray, with faces hidden by sadness."**

And not just any new song- one that would blow away Japan and solo Bad Luck in the spotlight.

**"What's making you tremble? Hedonists are the ones who smile."**

Not an unexpected demand.

"**Lying along these frozen rails is a future that's been planned without telling us."**

After all, the news of the passionate rivalry between Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper had just reached the ears of the almighty media.

**"Eccentricity is an obstacle; passion is absorbing."**

Now both bands were in the midst of the 'Who is better?' debate which included fan girls and boys as well as the press swarming to get the details.

"**Quite a nightmare, isn't it? Boredom's fighting back."**

That was exactly why a superior hit had to be produced immediately to ensure that Bad Luck would remain in the loop.

"**Spicy Marmalade! Now that's exploding into being!"**

They needed to create doubt in the public's opinion of how Nittle Grasper was 'untouchable' so that they wouldn't be left behind.

**"Seize hold of this evening's chance."**

To everyone's surprise, instead of stalling like he usually did when a deadline was set, Shuichi complied readily with his manager's demand and composed lyrics for a new song by the next day.

**"Vanish into the night! These days, people really seem"**

Three days later, 'Spicy Marmalade' had been retouched between Bad Luck's singer, manager, and producer.

**"To be led astray, with faces hidden by sadness."**

At the same time, Hiro and Suguru put their heads together to create a contagious beat and a catchy tune to balance out the 'in your face attitude' that seemed to emanate from the strangely titled song.

"**Beneath the stage of the pale moon, the sobbing villain screams aloud."**

The result...?

"**In the sweet contents of the bottle, the fatal reality is a misunderstanding."**

Front cover displays on every magazine and newspaper.

"**Mischievously acting like you want it, join the fad yourself."**

Second most requested song on every music station.

**"Quite a problem, isn't it? Vainly not even noticing..."**

One of the top stories on the morning and evening news

"**Spicy Marmalade! In your own way,"**

Guest appearance on a late night talk show.

"**Throw off the chains if they've rusted."**

Rating as the number one rookie band of the decade.

"**Vanish into the night! Even tonight, so intently gazed upon,"**

In short, they became recognized as fresh blood for the music industry.

"**Becomes a phantom with the touch of a fingertip."**

They fell a small margin behind Nittle Grasper in their own debut for the remake of 'Be There.'

**"Spicy Marmalade! Now that's exploding into being!"**

And then it happened.

"**Seize hold of this evening's chance."**

At Nittle Grasper's ninth week at the number one spot on the billboard, they dropped.

**"Vanish into the night! Conspicuous Marmalade!"**

To number two.

**"If you've decided you're ready, well then..."**

Just below Bad Luck's 'Spicy Marmalade.

**"Spicy Marmalade! In your own way,"**

And that was also when Ryuichi decided to visit his rival at their premier as a solo act for Hit Stage.

"**Throw off the chains if they've rusted."**

From the rear of the audience, the God of J-pop observed the latest phenomenon in Japanese music.

**"Vanish into the night! These days people really seem,"**

His unblinking gaze widened slowly as the theme of 'Spicy Marmalade' finished unraveling.

"**To be led astray, with faces hidden by sadness."**

From his slackening grasp, a pink bunny dropped to the floor with a soft 'thump.'

And from center stage, piercing violet eyes met astonished azure ones. As the music stopped, time froze between the two rivals. Applause rose deafeningly as the lights faded into a blanket of darkness.

The legendary vocalist of Nittle Grasper stood motionless as realization swept through his mind. He finally realized what his fellow singer was trying to convey.

_That song... it's about me._

He clenched his hands into tightly balled fists, understanding that he had been discovered after all. The mask was broken, and the facade had been uncovered.

Ryuichi had known that the younger boy had seen a piece of what he really was. But the acknowledgement of it by the Bad Luck vocalist was intimidating to the Grasper.

The silent star of Nittle Grasper turned sharply to exit the building, Kumagorou long forgotten.

{Backstage of Hit Stage}

"Oi, Hiro?" The pink-haired singer raised a hand to wipe the sweat off his forehead.

"Nani, Shuichi?" Bad Luck's guitarist turned to address his friend as he settled his instrument on the ground.

"Do you think Ryuichi liked the song?" The vocalist's voice rose slightly, expressing both hope and concern.

"Eh, doushite? Does it really matter that much to you?" The longhaired musician raised a single eyebrow at the question. Shuichi sighed impatiently.

"Of course does! He's my idol! And besides, I have to repay him for dedicating the new 'Be There' to me. It's only fair!" The whining tone was answered with a roll of the eyes.

"Ah, so that's the reason you wrote it so fast? To impress your 'god'?"

"Eh, iie. Not really. I mean, I do want to impress him, but even more than that, I want to reach him."

"Well, if you're so curious, why don't you ask him yourself?"

{Tohma's Office}

Tohma turned his wide screen off with a resigned flick of the remote. He'd seen as much of Stage Hit as he could withstand. Behind him, Noriko toyed with her half empty soda can, uneasy of her colleague's apathetic behavior.

The usual aura of power and control no longer hung around the executive. Instead, the President of NG Corps seemed to sag his shoulders and bow his head more recently. The polite smile was replaced with an apprehensive frown.

Even his clothes had been more conservative as of late. No feathers, no fur, and no animal prints. Not to mention no leather, no dress gloves, and no bowler hats. Just plain black and white.

Noriko actually saw a wrinkle on his suit as well. Her coworker was more stressed out then he let on. And the strain was beginning to show.

"No matter how good we are, they still manage to bite at our heels." He brought one hand to his temple, trying to rub his headache away.

"You make them sound like rabid dogs." She meant it to be teasing, but he took it literally, not even cracking a smile.

"Close enough. It seems that they are determined to reach us." His voice was laced with bitterness at the idea of anyone daring to embark on such a journey.

"And? What's wrong with that, Tohma? You've said it before... you admire those with perseverance. As I recall, you told me that they reminded you of yourself." She was on dangerous grounds to quote the executive against himself, but the female keyboardist did it comfortably.

"This whole situation is unsettling. How is it that Bad Luck never showed this kind of ability before?" Closing his eyes, the blond man dropped his between his hands as if to crush the thoughts in his head.

"Ah, but they did." Noriko flashed a dazzling smile at her friend.

"Nani? How did I miss that?" Raising his head, the CEO turned to make eye contact with the lavender-haired musician.

"Many times. Like when Bad Luck wiped Ask from the top of the charts. And the time Shuichi stood in for Ryuichi on Music Fan. Oh, and course when they went platinum on their first single. All of that added up to obvious potential. Now the real question should be when and why did you blind yourself to it?" The female keyboardist raised her voice as if to challenge her colleague.

"Hmph. Blind myself? A little luck can't count as talent, Noriko. As far as I'm concerned, you're overestimating their potential." Tohma dismissed the idea entirely with a wave of his hand.

"Normally, I'd agree with you. But even I can't feign ignorance with the truth is about to pass us by. They've had nothing but their namesake, and yet they still advance towards us. These aren't children that we're playing with anymore, Tohma. Someday, Bad Luck may be the ones that will set the standards of excellence." Noriko crossed her arms, determined to get her point across.

"So you believe it to be true too? Both you and Ryuichi? To have that much faith in their talent... unbelievable! I never thought I would live to see the day when either of you would willingly pass on our legend." With a raised eyebrow and a slight shake of the head, the President of NG Corps expressed his disbelief of his friends.

"Iie. Don't get me wrong- neither of us is giving away anything. If Bad Luck wants the top, they've got to get past Nittle Grasper first. And believe me, I sure the hell am not one to step down willingly. If they want the throne, they'd better beat me down and drag my dead body out of it." Lavender hair shifted as the pretty keyboardist tilted her head as she answered her coworker.

"I'm glad to hear that, Noriko. For a moment, I thought that you were giving up before the race really started." Relief revealed itself the blonde executive's eyes, which warmed at the reassurance.

"No way! Nothing's going to keep me from having my fun!" She let out a short laugh that banished any thoughts of quitting while ahead.

"Good. Still, I think you're being a bit lenient as far as their potential goes." A warm smile softened the harsh comment from Nittle Grasper's keyboardist. In return, Noriko smiled just as sweetly back, getting in the last word before turning to leave the office.

"And I think you're in denial."

TBC...

Gomen for the short chapter... I'm really, really sleepy. Next chapter will hopefully be longer. I'm not sure what it will contain... so onegai send me some ideas via reviews and e-mail. Arigato for the reviews... demo, I'm greedy and always want more. REVIEW!!! You know what happens when you don't... I pout, rant, and cry... so just do it!


	11. Whatever Heart Breaks

Gomen, minna! I know that the last chapter was really short compared to my past ones, but I was amidst a strain of writer's block due to stress and sleep deprivation.

I promise to make up for it in this next chapter. And arigato to all my loyal and new reviewers that stuck with me despite the lousy update. Aishiteru minna! _huggles_

I miss having lots of reviews... so REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!! I'll give you Pocky and Ramune if you do! Oh, oh... and a Kumagorou plushie too!

Oi, Jenn-chan... here's the extra long Ch. 11, just as I promised. Hope you like... enjoy!

Darksaphire-chan is back, na no da! Yay! I missed you! Welcome back... three chapters later!

Arigato to my Anonymous reviewer who sent me a poem for Ch. 9... gomen for not thanking you previously, but I've been a little absentminded. I loved it just as much as the first one you sent... huggles and Pocky for you!

Hugs to my Onee-chan, Yui-Mag... who has left me once again to return to college. Now excuse me while I cry in the corner.... _sulk_

**{Disclaimer} Insert standard Gravitation disclaimer here.**

_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts_

_**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**_

Chapter 11: Whatever Heart Breaks

The usually bright and cheerful townhouse was now dark and gloomy. The lights had not been turn on at all that day, though the sun had dropped below the skyline hours ago.

The space inside seemed to envelope the motionless figure sprawled against the wall underneath the open window.

Outside, rain began to drizzle as if to tell the individual inside the room that it was okay to cry.

That the heavens would cry with him.

Or maybe that was just a poetic approach of how to view the scene.

A constant and blaring repetition of 'Spicy Marmalade' echoed inside the desolate habitat. And the figure against the wall mouthed the words silently, as if trying to imitate the original singer's feelings.

But that's all that it was in the end.

An imitation.

The figure lowered his head in resignation. He knew that his game of pretend would no longer suffice. Now that someone had finally been able to see beyond the mask that he wore, he couldn't wear that mask again. Not without having piercing violet eyes accuse him of insincerity.

_Doushite? Why did it have to be him? Why was he the one that couldn't be fooled?_

Ryuichi leaned his head back against the wall. His tears had stopped long before the rain had started, and to be honest... he didn't have anymore left.

_He's so oblivious to the world that stares him in the face. And yet he's able to see through my carefully arranged facade without even trying._

The singer closed his eyes, trying to erase the memory of his rival's violet eyes burning down at him from the stage eight days ago.

_What should I do now? Do I continue this game with Shuichi... or should I just give up?_

Since Bad Luck's appearance on Hit Stage, the legendary Grasper had dropped from view. His answering machine was overloaded with messages expressing concern for the God of J-pop. Everyone from his fellow Graspers to his former manager, as well as his acquaintance through mutual friends, Tatsuha. The latter had been very close to crossing the line between anxious fan and obsessive stalker.

_They don't really care about me. The just see me as 'Ryuichi the Nittle Grasper.' Not as 'Ryuichi the human being.' None of them understand how I feel._

A heavy sigh punctuated the thought. The chorus of 'Spicy Marmalade' mirrored his beliefs.

**"Vanish into the night! These days, people really seem,**

**To be led astray, with faces hidden by sadness."**

_Can I really give up now? Is this how it will all end?_

A crash of thunder answered him, shaking the window violently. The vocalist gave a heartrending smile, knowing truth.

_Iie. I can't give up now. This isn't the end, and I can't just walk away._

Opening his eyes once more, the legendary Grasper settled his sights on the CD player that was echoing the final notes of his rival's new single.

"Shuichi... I won't let you win so easily."

**{NG Studios}**

Meanwhile, a pink-haired boy sneezed all over his lyrics. Hiro was immediately grossed out by the snots that had been emitted from his best friend.

"EWW!! Watch where you aim that crap! You almost got it on my guitar!"

"Gomen, Hiro. I don't know where that came from. You think someone was talking about me?"

"Who isn't talking about you?!"

"Demo, I wonder if it someone I know."

"Never mind that. You've been getting a lot of work done recently... don't get off track now!"

"Hai, hai! As I was saying, this is how I want the new song to go..."

**{Las Vegas, Nevada}**

Having turned in his manuscript to his editor, a certain writer had a lot of free time on his hands. The said manuscript was actually four months early, thus there wouldn't be any pressing deadlines for the blond novelist for the next few months.

His new novel would be published and out in store around the world in approximately three more weeks.

With that in mind, a decision to fly to New York was made.

Was it a good decision? Maybe not. After all, that was where the writer's biggest skeleton was buried.

_But I don't want to run away anymore. I have to face him... and the ghost he's left behind._

**_Remember what happened the last time you visited his grave? You almost gave into his ghost._**

_I know, but this is something that I have to do._

**_Are you strong enough to face him now?_**

_I, I don't know. But if I ever plan to move on with my life, than I have to move past him._

**_Eiri, you know this might be too soon._**

_Hmm. But it's now or never._

**{NG Studios}**

"Ne, Shuichi!" The second keyboardist for Nittle Grasper waved urgently at the passing boy. The violet eyes brightened as he turned to face his former colleague.

"Noriko! Gomen, I didn't see you there!" The singer rushed to the Grasper's side enthusiastically.

After the she rolled her eyes tolerantly as the younger boy hugged her, Noriko pat him awkwardly on the head, trying to calm him down.

"Okay, well I wanted to ask you if you'd seen Ryuichi lately." Her patience evaporated as necessity took over.

"Ano, he's missing?" Panic rose in the boy's eyes as worry became etched across his face. Now that he'd thought about it, he hadn't seen his idol since the concert.

"Iie, and I'm getting concerned. Both Tohma and I have been trying to contact him for over a week now, but he's not responding at all. His answering machine picks up at his home number and his voicemail picks up his cell number. We tried stopping by his place, but there's no answer. Tohma's key to get in doesn't work, so we assume that Ryuichi changed the locks. We have no idea what's going on or where he could be."

"That's... weird." Unsure on how he was expected to react to the information, the singer chose a fairly neutral answer.

"Yeah. So would you do me a favor... cause you owe me one?" The lavender-haired woman smirked as she began her blackmailing of her former coworker.

"NANI?! Why do I owe YOU a favor?!" Shuichi was quite reluctant to concede to the older woman that he was indebted to her.

"You want a list?" But Noriko wasn't going to let it go.

"Fine, what do you want me to do?" And of course, the vocalist had never been one to resist peer pressure.

"I want you to find him yourself." The request sounded innocent enough, if not for the fact it was Sakuma Ryuichi that they were referring to.

"M-me?! Why me?" Confusion clouded the violet eyes as the idea of hunting down his idol overwhelmed him.

"Because I think you'll actually be able to get through to him." The simple answer seemed to hide an ulterior motive that even the fluffy mind of Shuichi could detect.

"What gave you that idea?" Suspicion seemed to emanate from the pink-haired boy, as he demanded an explanation.

"Just a hunch. So humor me and do it, okay?" But unfortunately for the singer, the Grasper was unwilling to enlighten him as to her motivation.

"Fine, but after this, you owe me." Reluctantly, the younger musician dropped the subject and accepted the piece of paper the keyboardist shoved at him.

"Whatever. Here, take this. It's Ryuichi's address, home number, and cell number. As soon as you get in contact with him, let me know." The urgency in her voice made apparent the worry that the Grasper had previously been trying to hide.

Reaching into her purse, the lavender-haired woman withdrew a familiar stuffed animal and placed into the singer's open hands. Shuichi's eyes registered surprise at the item, accepting it nonetheless.

"Ano, why do you have Kumagorou, Noriko?"

"He left it behind at your last concert. K-san found it and gave it to me. You can use it as an excuse to see him, okay?"

"Alright. Demo, remember..."

"Hai, hai... I know. I owe you one."

**{The next day}**

The legendary vocalist had finally returned to the day-to-day task of living his life as usual. This meant doing things such as taking a shower, eating, and reviewing his messages.

And at last, the lights in his townhouse were turned on again.

His home once again appeared as if someone was living there.

Now that his answering machine had been cleared out, there was room for more messages. And that was a good thing since the singer still didn't feel particularly inclined to answer the phone. But at that moment, someone that he actually wanted to speak to decided to make a call.

The phone rang and as usual, Ryuichi let the answering machine pick it up.

"This is the Sakuma residence. No one is home right now, so please leave a message and I will get back to you. Arigato." The machine beeped, indicating that it would begin recording.

"Ah, moshi moshi! This is Shuichi." The Grasper froze as he heard the familiar voice over the answering machine.

"Ano, I just wanted to call and see how you were doing. Nobody's seen you around, so we were all getting worried." Ryuichi hastened towards the voice.

"Just call me back whenever you get a chance so that..." The God of J-pop grabbed the phone and quickly hit the talk button.

"Shu-chan!" The serious personality evaporated and was replaced by the usual genki one.

"R-Ryuichi-san?! Is that you?" The voice at the other end was shock to hear his idol's voice.

"Hai! It's me! What's up, Shu-chan?" Excitement made the man-child bounce up and down on his toes as he answered.

"Well, I was calling to see if you were okay. Nobody has seen you for the past few days." Concern seemed to travel through the phone line from Shuichi's end to Ryuichi's.

"You were worried about me, na no da?" A warm feeling enveloped the older man as he asked the younger boy the seemingly innocent question. But behind the question was an actual thought.

_Do you really care if I'm okay or not?_

"Hai. Besides, you said we could hang out together sometime." And in turn, the pink-haired boy answered back very seriously.

_I do care._

"Shu-chan wants to hang out with me, na no da?!" The Grasper squealed with delight at the idea of the Bad Luck artist wanting to spend time with him.

"Of course! And I have something to return to you too." The younger vocalist responded with enthusiasm.

"Nani?" Confusion brought a wrinkle to the legend's forehead.

"You forgot Kumagorou at my concert, Ryuichi-san. Haven't you missed him?" At the other end, the younger musician wrinkled his forehead as well. It wasn't at all usual for his idol to misplace or lose Kumagorou and not throw a tantrum or get hysterics.

"OH! Kuma-chan! Gomen ne, Shu-chan! I forgot where I had left him!" Ryuichi finally noticed the absence of his fuzzy toy and immediately became repentant.

"Ah, that's alright. So when do you want to get together? I'll bring Kumagorou when I see you." Relief was apparent in Shuichi's voice as he heard the familiar sound of panic over the loss of the pink bunny.

"How about in a few hours, na no da! Can you meet me somewhere?"

"Sure, where?" Within a few more minutes, arrangements had been made to meet at a local karaoke bar. As the Grasper hung up the phone, he released a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding.

The legendary vocalist quickly made his way to his bedroom to get ready for the rendezvous with Shuichi. As it was Ryuichi's first time out of his home in over a week, he wanted to look as good as possible. Besides, it wasn't just anyone he was going to meet.

Humming softly to himself, Ryuichi wore an expression that hadn't appeared for a while.

For what was gracing his face was a smile. But it wasn't just any old smile; it was one that shone with genuine happiness.

A smile that was the reflection of his heart.

The humming was eventually accompanied by words as the vocalist continued to get ready for his outing.

"**Even if the world you've longed for has suddenly turned to ash,**

**In some miracle we could still brush into each other."**

**{Three hours later}**

Shuichi sat at the table farthest from the bright lights inside the karaoke bar where he had arranged to meet his idol.

Across from him, a pink stuffed rabbit sat on top of the table. Its beady black eyes stared at him, making the singer nervous. Kumagorou had never made the musician feel uncomfortable before, but for some strange reason, he felt as if the bunny was expecting something to happen.

The Bad Luck's vocalist snorted to himself.

_Yeah right. Like a stuffed animal can actually expect anything. It's not alive, much less can it think. Kami-sama, I must be working too much. Maybe I should take a vacation._

"Oi! Shu-chan!" A voice coming from behind him startled the singer out of his thoughts. Turning quickly, his eyes settle on the approaching figure that had called out to him. With a warm smile, the he waved to familiar face.

"Konnichiwa, Ryuichi-san!" In a rush of motion, the figure speeded up at the greeting and proceeded to glomp the boy enthusiastically.

"Shu-chan! Were you waiting long? Gomen!" The Grasper squealed his apology in his child-like voice, maintaining his embrace around the pink-haired musician's neck.

"Iie, iie! I just arrived a few minutes ago myself." Shuichi hugged his idol back to assure him that he wasn't upset at the delay.

After they seated themselves at the table, they order a few snacks and drinks. Ryuichi happily accepted the awaiting Kumagorou and thanked the younger boy profusely.

For the next hour, they enjoyed friendly conversation about fun and non-essential topics like the weather, favorite Pocky flavors, where Kumagorou had come from, and stuff like that.

It was totally random and pointless, but at the same time it was relaxing and enjoyable. They were able to enjoy each other's company without any tension or rivalry getting in the way.

In the background, someone in the audience requested 'Sleepless Beauty.' As the song began, a man began to wail out the opening lyrics to the Nittle Grasper classic. The tunes were way off beat and the words came out mutilated.

Everyone in the audience cringed at the horrible rendition of such an awesome song. There were several less than polite requests for the man to leave the stage, but all were ignored.

Kumagorou was hiding underneath the table, covering his ears. Ryuichi and Shuichi looked at each other, flinching occasionally as the man on stage unsuccessfully attempted a high note. In unspoken agreement, they rose from their seats.

"I was getting bored here anyway." Bad Luck's vocalist grinned with anticipation.

"Yeah, it's about time that we left." The God of J-pop nodded as they made their way towards the stage.

Removing their disguises that consisted of hats and sunglasses, the two music stars revealed themselves to the audience, who in turn began to shriek in recognition. The music was immediately cut off and staff ushered the man who had been attempting to sing 'Sleepless Beauty' off the stage.

Each taking a microphone, the two musicians began their introduction.

"Gomen, minna! Demo, Shuichi and I could take that torture any longer."

"Hai, hai! It should be against the law to sing any song like that, much less 'Sleepless Beauty'! Ryuichi and I want everyone here to remember what it's supposed to sound like. All right? Here we go!"

The music began to play once again. But this time, the audience cheered the singers on.

"**From far away, let your eyes shine; those who have awakened are still waiting.**

**Seduce the ramparts of the night in the cast-off pile of skins left by things that now live elsewhere."**

They alternated verses with Ryuichi starting first, both of them singing the intervals, and Shuichi singing the second verse. They continued this for the entire song.

"**{without an exit} If you intend to survive the impact.**

**{to the point where you fall apart} Enrapture the deceits."**

The audience was astounded by the harmony of the duet. There was nothing but silence from them now.

"**You who have been reborn, color your eyes without smiling alone.**

**Even if the world you've longed for has suddenly burned to ash, in some miracle we could still brush into each other."**

The management of the karaoke bar gathered at the side of the stage, pleased with the publicity they were receiving from the duo.

As the song ended, cheers erupted along with fans rushing towards the two singers. Taking their final bows, the vocalists rushed off the stage and out the exit before the crowd could detain them further.

After reaching a safe distance, the two singers paused to take a breather and check for anyone who might still be following them.

"I think we lost them all." Shuichi peeked around the corner from which they were hiding behind, giving the all clear.

"Good. That was fun!" Ryuichi was all smiles, hyped about their performance together.

"Yeah, but dangerous." The pink-haired boy agreed with a nod, still watchful for any fans that may have pursued them.

"Well, now what do you want to do?" The genki Grasper swung his toy around in the air, excited about how their day was going.

"Ah, I don't know. You want to just walk around for awhile?" Bad Luck's vocalist scratched his head, unable to come up with any other ideas.

"Sure! Let's go, Shu-chan!"

**{New York City, New York}**

Upon arrival at JFK airport, a limo had pick up the blonde novelist and driven him to his hotel. The seven-hour plane trip was nothing compared to the on he had taken previously from Japan to Nevada. But he writer was tired nonetheless.

At this point, he wanted nothing more than to take a warm shower go to bed.

He'd skip dinner until the tomorrow.

After a long shower, he threw on some boxers and a pair of pajama pants. Throwing himself onto the king-sized bed, Yuki stared at the ceiling lights without seeing them.

_Two more weeks. Then my book comes out._

**_Why are you thinking about that again? Shouldn't you be thinking about some other things?_**

_Like what?_

**_Like the fact that you're in New York again? The fact that you're going to visit Kitazawa?_**

_I'm actually trying NOT to think about that._

**_Why? You made this decision yourself. Are you starting to regret it?_**

_Iie. But how am I supposed to make peace with what is already gone?_

**_Well, How did you think you were going to do it before you came?_**

_I don't know. I can't get forgiveness from the dead._

**_Why would you want to? All you did was defend yourself._**

_Yuki was so kind to me. He was my best friend and I loved him._

**_Nothing is what it appears to be._**

_Demo, he betrayed me. I don't understand why. Was it because underneath it all, he actually hated me?_

**_Both of you wanted to be with each other... but it just wasn't meant to be._**

_So instead, he hurt me? Is that why he did that?_

**_You and Yuki were completely opposite forces. No matter how much either of you pushed or pulled, you could never meet._**

_Even if he didn't hate me back then, he must hate me now. After all, I killed him._

**_So is that what you seek... redemption?_**

_I really don't know what I expect out of this visit. Maybe nothing at all._

**_When are you going to start searching for what might last forever?_**

_I've been searching for it all along._

**_Oh, were you? You mean you didn't just say that to make Shuichi feel better?_**

_I never say things just to make anyone feel better. If you're me, you should already know that._

**_Hmm. So I guess this means that you really are serious about changing._**

_I never said I wasn't._

**_Do you think you'll find out the meaning of forever here?_**

_I don't know if I'll find it here, but at least I'll find out where it isn't._

**{General}**

The two celebrities of J-pop had been walking around aimlessly for the past two hours. The sun was on its way to setting and the streets emptied slowly as everyone began to depart to their homes.

Carefully avoiding any topic that might cause discomfort between the two singers, they jumped from subject to subject until the difficult topics were all that was left. When that happened, they fell into silence and avoided further conversation.

But both of them were dying to ask the other some of those difficult questions. And after a long silence, Shuichi finally broke it.

"Ah, Ryuichi?" The boy began in a hesitating tone, afraid to anger his idol.

"Eh, hai? Nani yo, Shu-chan?" The Grasper looked up from the ground to face younger singer.

"I was wondering, you know when you were recording 'Be There' in the studio?" Encouraged by having the older man acknowledge him, the boy continued.

"Hai? What about it?" A feeling of apprehension grew deep in the Grasper's chest, somewhere near his heart.

"I wanted to know... why were you crying?" Blurting the question out before he lost his nerve, the singer bowed his head as if to apologize for being nosy.

"Ano... so you did see. I thought you did." The child-like personality vanished immediately, only to be interchanged with a grim replacement.

"So why?" The pink-haired boy dared to prod further, curiosity taking over.

"Because I was thinking about someone very special to me. Someone I care about a lot. And it made me sad." The answer was punctuated by a heavy sigh, catching his companion's attention.

"Doushite? Why sad?" Confusion caused a single eyebrow to be raised as he waited for an explanation.

"Because that person isn't mine. Because they don't even see me as more than a friend. And they love someone else." The answer came out in a mere whisper, as the man couldn't manage anything more than that.

"Oh. Gomen ne Ryuichi-san!" Sympathy for his idol brought dampness to the younger boy's eyes. The older man raised his head and sought the violet eyes with his own. His expression changed from sadness to something that was unfamiliar to pink-haired vocalist.

"Shuichi... do you know what it's like? To want something that you know you can't have? Something that's forbidden to you because it belongs to someone else?" The legendary Grasper advanced slowly towards the boy.

Shuichi in turn retreated backwards without noticing. Soon his back was against a brick wall with the God of J-pop blocking his only exit.

"N-nani?!" Fear began to rise inside the younger boy's heart. He desperately tried to calm down, attempting to convince himself this was just one of his idol's erratic mood swings.

"Have you even ever felt that way before?"

Instead of merely standing in front of the boy, the older musician placed a hand against the wall on either side of Shuichi's head. Bad Luck's vocalist was effectively trapped.

"R-Ryuichi-san?! Nani yo?" Even more confused than ever, the pink-haired boy felt his heart thumping deafeningly in his chest.

_What's wrong with him? Why is he acting this way? Is he angry with me?_

"Shuichi, can you understand how I feel?" The Grasper's eyes seemed to darken as emotions clouded his mind against better judgment.

"Ryuichi-san, are you okay? Why are you acting like this?"

The Grasper flashed a sad smile at the naive boy who had captured his own heart and leaned forward slowly...

TBC...

MWUHAHAHAHA!!! Now THAT was the god of all cliffhangers! What is Ryuichi going to do?! I love being evil! Now everyone must review! ONEGAI REVIEW!!! Gomen for the short update last chapter, demo this should more than make up for it! Arigato minna! Onegai review and send me ideas of what I should do for next chapter. To tell you the truth, I haven't made up my mind on what Ryuichi is going to do when he leans forward. So send me your votes via reviews! ARIGATO!!


	12. No Promises No Regrets

Arigato minna! Each and every reviewer has proven to be as pika pika as Ryuichi! My gratitude to all of you will be in the form of the greatly anticipated Ch. 12 of STLF!_ cheers _Gomen for the delay!

MY EXCUSE: Well, at first I had writer's block, so I wrote my one-shot to help inspire me. Then I began to argue with myself on how to continue the fic. And after that, the worst thing happened... my computer went boom! Eek! So I had to wait until it was fixed. Gomen nasai!

Oodles of huggles to my Onee-chan... yay! You finally caught up! I miss you... so come back home soon! Oh, and no making out! Ewie!

Extra special huggles and Pocky for Fishy-chan... arigato! I am absolutely in love with the latest poem you e-mailed to me and it is much appreciated! We will definitely do a collaborative effort towards a song/poem that will be published in STLF! It'll probably make its debut in the final chapter as a declaration of love from Shuichi to... who knows? evil grin We'll see as the story continues. Bits and pieces if not the whole of previous and future poems sent to me will be used in STLF as new songs that Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper produce. Before, I only used the original lyrics of songs by BL and NG, except 'Be There'... that was mostly mine. _snatches away possessively_

In this chapter, Fishy-chan's lyrics, 'Can't Resist' will be featured by Nittle Grasper. Everyone can choose their own beat and tune to go with it.

The winner of the 'to kiss or not to kiss' poll won by more than three times the loser! And the winner is...

**Disclaimer Insert standard Gravitation disclaimer here**.

_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts_

_**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**_

Chapter 12: No Promises No Regrets

Ryuichi was leaning in very slowly... giving Shuichi the chance and the choice to move. Because he knew what was coming- what his idol intended to do.

But just the realization of what was to come stunned the pink-haired boy. The shock slowed down his reflexes, or was it that he didn't want to move?

In the precious seconds that the younger vocalist had left before the decision would no longer be his, two different voices screamed at him.

_Iie, iie, iie! Don't do it! Think of Yuki!_

_Ryuichi-san was talking about me?! I'm that important to him?!_

And when the seconds were up and it became a now or never decision, Shuichi made his choice.

The kiss fell softly on Shuichi's lips... softly, but urgently. As if Ryuichi was seeking much more than a kiss. As if he wanted to devour the younger boy.

Hovering above the younger musician, the Grasper trembled as his mind caught up with his emotions.

_Kami-sama! What did I just do? Shuichi is going to hate me._

But all doubts were pushed aside as he realized that he might never get this chance again.

Meanwhile, Shuichi remained undecided as to whether or not he should respond. Pheromones finally took over and the kiss was returned.

When he used to kiss Yuki, it felt as if he were being pulled in, unable to resist. He was drawn inexplicably to the blonde man with the mysterious gold eyes and a Pandora's box of secrets.

It wasn't mere physical attraction or emotions that had brought them together. It was something more powerful, and even less rational.

It was nothing less than a force of nature.

On the other hand, Shuichi was able to identify many, if not all, of the things that attracted him to his idol.

Ryuichi had sincerity, loyalty, compassion, dedication, and heart. And with each passing moment locked in a kiss with him, the younger boy was able to feel all of that expressed and more.

Ryuichi had charisma, pure and simple.

As the kiss was finally broken mutually, they were both rendered speechless. Finally, Shuichi broke the silence before it built a wall between them.

"Ryuichi... doushite? Why didn't you tell me?" The pink-haired boy reached out to rest a tentative hand on the Grasper's shoulder. The older man visibly flinched, as if he was expecting an assault for the liberty he had taken.

"What good would it have done? You can't see anything in this world besides your Yuki." The answer was bitter, but it also was the truth. Bad Luck's vocalist shook his head, trying to sort out his emotions for his idol.

"Demo, at least I would have known. I don't know what to do. I mean I do care for you." The God of J-pop raised his head to meet the violet eyes.

"Not the way I care for you though." The bitterness turned into sadness as the truth was spoken. Shuichi bowed his head and withdrew his hand, unable to argue with reality. But the older man continued when it became apparent that the pink-haired singer wasn't going to deny the accuracy of the previous statement.

"I-I know I can't replace Yuki... I never once tried to fool myself into believing that. Demo... is there even the slightest possibility that you would give me a chance?" The question was asked without much hope, but he knew that he had already put his heart on the line, and there was no sense in holding back now.

Bad Luck's vocalist shivered at the prospect of being with his idol.

_What do I do? Can I really move past Yuki? Or do I stay trapped in my memories?_

The older musician held his breath as he waited for an answer. He watched as the boy struggled with the conflicting emotions.

At last, the violet eyes rose from the ground.

"Ano, Ryuichi... I-I can't make any promises." The pink-haired youth began and the Grasper remained quiet as he waited for the sentence to continue.

"I'm not sure what I really want anymore. I-I really like you... and in my own way, I love you too. Demo... will that be enough? Are you willing to accept me, even if I really can't get over Yuki?"

In a blur of motion, Ryuichi took Shuichi into his arms. After the initial moment of surprise that held the boy frozen, he returned the embrace with all the warmth he could muster.

"I'll accept you however you are... even if it isn't all of you. We'll make it work."

And with that, another kiss was born from two of the brightest stars of Japan.

Lurking in the shadows behind the two new lovers, a dark figure snapped a single picture that would appear on the front page of every tabloid magazine and newspaper the very next morning.

**The next day**

The opening notes of 'Blind Game Again' filled the townhouse as the lights flashed on the screen of Shuichi's cell phone. Next to him, Ryuichi moaned softly in his sleep as the pink-haired singer reached for the phone to figure out who was calling so early in the morning.

With a quick glance at the wall clock, he realized that it wasn't so early after all. The clock read 11:47am... almost noon. Another glance told him that it was Tatsuha on the other end of the line.

Checking to make sure that his new boyfriend wasn't going to wake up, the vocalist made his way off the couch they had fallen asleep on the previous night. After the events that led to their union, they had found themselves outside of Ryuichi's door. At that point, it was nearing three in the morning, thus the suggestion of a sleepover sounded very appealing to the weary duo.

And it remained innocent enough, despite being alone together for such a long period of time. There wasn't any pressure to 'do' anything at all. Instead, they were merely satisfied with holding each other and spending some time together.

Pushing the 'talk' button, the musician greeted his caller, trying to keep his voice down despite the fact that he was now on the balcony.

"Moshi moshi. Shindou here." As soon as he spoke into the phone, the singer remembered some very important facts about this particular caller.

First of all, this was Yuki's almost identical younger brother. Second, he was obsessed with the lead singer of Nittle Grasper. And third, Tatsuha had a spare key to Shuichi's home; therefore he probably already knew that the vocalist was not at home.

But what he wasn't expecting was an enraged voice screaming at him at an inhumanly high pitch.

"YOU DIRTY FUCKING SLUT! HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY HONEY?!"

Shuichi winced as the teenage priest began his rampage.

"N-nani?! What are you screaming about, Tatsuha?" Unable to decipher all of the younger Uesugi's screeching, the vocalist held the phone away from his ear to preserve his hearing.

"DON'T PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW YOU TWO-CENT WHORE! WHERE DO YOU GET OFF TAKING MY RYUICHI?!"

"Your Ryu...? Oh. Oh! How did you...?!" Stunned to know that other had found out about his new relationship with his idol, fear brought a cold sweat across the pink-haired boy's body.

"DON'T TRY TO PLAY WITH ME, YOU SHITHEAD HOOKER! EVERYONE KNOWS NOW! WHO WOULDN'T KNOW WHEN YOU GO AROUND PUBLICLY MOLESTING MY POOR HONEY?!"

"NANI?! How is it that everyone knows? It just happened yesterday!" Confusion mixed with anxiety caused the singer to begin trembling.

"LISTEN YOU LITTLE PRICK! KEEP YOUR HORNY SELF AWAY FROM...!"

At this point, a double beep indicating another call gave Shuichi an excuse to cut off the raging priest.

"Uh, I've another call! I'll talk to you later, ja!"

"MATTE YO...!" And with that, the singer clicked over to the other line.

"Moshi moshi. Shindou speaking."

"Shuichi! That was absolutely brilliant! Your latest stunt has created more publicity for Bad Luck than all of NG's effort ever could have managed! How did you get Ryuichi to agree?" The exuberant voice of Bad Luck's gun-toting manager made Shuichi shiver in apprehension. Whenever K was extremely happy, it meant everyone else probably wasn't.

"K-san... what's going on?! I just woke up to a very angry call from Tatsuha babbling something about Ryuichi."

"You sly dog! As if you don't know already!"

"I DON'T! So enlighten me."

Within a few more moments, the manager was thoroughly convinced of how clueless his vocalist was concerning the recent situation. After a brief explanation, Shuichi's end of the line became suspiciously hushed.

"Oi! Shuichi? Are you alright?"

Unbeknownst to K, the pink-haired boy had long since dropped the phone and rushed back inside to turn on the news.

"For the latest shock in the world of J-pop, it seems that Bad Luck's vocalist has found a new romantic interest! And who better than the legend himself... Sakuma Ryuichi! This shot was taken last night in the midst of one of their rendezvous'. So whatever happened to his former lover, famous novelist..." Unable to listen any longer, Shuichi flicked the power button on the remote.

Tears swelling up in his eyes, the boy shook as his heart silently broke into a million pieces.

_Kami-sama... how do I tell Ryuichi? What is he going to say?_

_And Yuki... what will he think once he sees this? He'll never come back._

_What is it that I want? To be with Yuki or to be with Ryuichi?_

A warm embrace pulled him out of his misery as his new koi embraced the wretched Shuichi from behind.

"Shu-chan... don't cry. Onegai... you don't need to be sad."

"Ryuichi... you heard." It wasn't a question, just a fact that was asking for a reaction.

"Hai. Does this make you that sad? To have everyone know?"

"I-iie! That's not it! It's just that... I'm so confused. And now that everyone knows, they'll always be harassing you and asking stupid questions about me. I don't want to burden you..." The boy's rambling was cut off abruptly as his lover finally decided to put a stop to the nonsense.

"So you'll say 'so long' and flee?" The pink-haired singer immediately became quiet as the words ricocheted inside his mind until it found a niche where it fell into place.

"Gomen, Ryuichi... I just feel so lost." A sad smile from his lover had the Grasper wishing that he could just take the boy away from all of the conflicts that troubled him.

"I know. I understand... really. I want above all else for you to be happy. And if it makes you unhappy..." Reluctantly, the legendary vocalist understood what the only way out of their problems would be.

"Iie! I didn't mean it like that!" Eyes widening with realization at what his lover was referring to, the younger musician objected desperately to the solution.

"You don't have to pretend, Shuichi. I know that this hurts you... even more than you let on. And I hate seeing you like this." But Ryuichi maintained his persistence, half hoping that the boy would find another way to fix the problem.

"I... I don't want to give this up yet. Not yet. Not when we're just beginning. We weren't even given a chance. It's not fair." The pink-haired singer shook as his emotions overwhelmed his body.

"I know Shuichi, I know." Nothing more was said. The words held neither hope nor cynicism. Only quiet agreement with the truth. There was nothing else to say.

Ryuichi's embrace around his lover tightened possessively as tears burned inside his eyelids. More than anything in the world, he wanted to protect him... this innocent angel whose heart kept on getting broken by the harsh reality of life.

But no matter what life threw at him, Shuichi had never lost his faith in the world. Life didn't hold the power to break this angel. Even at his darkest moments, Bad Luck's rising star never lost his light. And that's what made him the brightest star in the sky.

Because even Ryuichi had lost his shine when darkness became his only company.

Because Ryuichi had once given up on life... and he had been broken before.

There were only a select few who were privy to this knowledge. For if the public had ever found out, Nittle Grasper would have been buried long ago.

And this secret was the reason the legendary Grasper wore a mask.

**NG Studios**

The family-size bottle of aspirin sitting on top of a certain blond-haired executive's desk was depressingly empty. There wasn't even one left out of the five hundred-count bottle.

How sad.

For this time, Tohma could not save the day.

In the past, the President of NG Corps had always found a solution to any problems that threatened the well being of anyone in his care. But this time, a solution was beyond even him.

Just as it had been when the news of Shuichi's promotion had been released, he had received the news through NG's attorneys. And they were not happy.

The newspapers and magazines sprawled on top of his desk screamed bad publicity

It couldn't be anymore obvious. There it was, blaring on the cover of every tabloid. The infamous photograph that gave a blaringly apparent image to every reader in Japan.

As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, a thousand words and were still being said. Rumors and gossip were flying high and spreading faster than the flu epidemic.

Tohma groaned aloud as the picture causing all the controversy flashed behind his closed eyes. He had memorized every detail so well, he could see it in his sleep.

Now that this piece of new had been fed to the media, they would be drooling for even more.

And that was bad... really bad.

Because some things are better left alone. Things like a past that nearly destroyed Ryuichi.

But it would only be a matter of time before the media dug it up for the world to see. And even Tohma with all his influence and connections could squash this particular threat.

"What more can go wrong?"

**The next day**

Yuki knew; he had learned of the news almost immediately thanks to the Internet.

He didn't know what to think or say. And he certainly couldn't sort his emotions at that moment. If anything, there was only shock.

No anger, no bitterness, and no jealousy.

He felt... empty. As if all his senses had left him at once. Without his usual attitude of indifference, there was nothing else to hide behind.

It wasn't that the writer didn't care, just that he didn't know if he had a right to.

_**Because it was your choice in the first place. You were the one that walked away.**_

_I... know._

**_Is it that big of a surprise that someone else could see Shuichi for what he was really worth? Didn't you know that once you left, that would open the door to others?_**

_Mn._

_**That's it? You don't have anything more to say?**_

_What can I say? I dropped him and Ryuichi caught him, simple as that._

_**And you're just going to go along with it?**_

_I... don't know._

_**What do you mean by that?**_

_Maybe... he's better off. I never loved him the way he deserved to be. This might be better for him._

_**So you're giving up?**_

_Mn. Not really._

_**HUH?! What does THAT mean?**_

_I'm still going to finish my business here. I still want to make peace with my past._

_**And...?**_

_I'll still keep on searching for something that lasts forever. It's not over yet._

**NG Studios**

Ryuichi had demanded that a press conference be held immediately. Not asked, but ordered. Tohma agreed numbly, unable to think of a reason to refuse.

And so, at 3:00pm, a press conference was held inside the auditorium of NG Studios.

Everyone had been invited and apparently everyone had come. The enormous room that could comfortably hold up to four hundred and fifty people was filled to the brim and overflowing.

At one point, the police had to block the entrance in order to prevent riot and chaos from erupting.

It was 2:58pm, and the one who had called the meeting had yet to make an appearance. There wasn't a trace of either of the vocalist involved in the scandal.

3:00pm... no show.

3:15pm... nothing.

At 3:27pm, Tohma was prepared to cancel the press conference with the help of the local law enforcement. He made his way to the microphone at center stage, expecting the worst from the already irate media.

And that was when Ryuichi finally decided to make his appearance.

"You sure love to make an entrance." Tohma glared as he hissed the reprimand at his fellow Grasper. The God of J-pop merely smirked.

"Yeah, well they wouldn't pay attention to everything I said unless I made it clear that I'm here on my own terms."

"Whatever. Just get this over with, okay?" With a nod, the vocalist took over the stage as Tohma made his way backstage.

A roar of questions filled the air as lights flashed blindingly. As the legend remained silent and impassive, the voices died down after a few minutes.

It became apparent that they weren't going to get any juicy pieces of gossip or sappy declarations of love. This was Ryuichi's show. He was in charge and he would begin the performance when he chose to.

A soft chuckle echoed inside the auditorium, magnified by the microphone.

"So, are you ready to listen to me now?" The voice was like silk over a steel blade. Soft but dangerous.

There was a unanimous agreement among the audience and the quiet continued.

"Good. Everyone is here by invitation. This is my party, understood?" The Grasper smiled in a not-so-nice way.

When it became clear that there wouldn't be any disagreements, Ryuichi continued.

"I understand that this is your job. And it's never bothered me before. But this is where I draw the line." The audience held their breath, awaiting the legendary singer's edict.

"If I said your treatment of Shindou Shuichi was unfair, than everyone would just tell me that life's not fair, ne?

Demo, that's the truth. Simple as that. What you're doing is wrong, and you know it.

We may be celebrities, demo we're still human. And it's about time that you remember that.

The things you say and do... they affect us. And it hurts.

How do you know that everything that you see is the truth? Can you say for sure?

I for one refuse to live my entire life hiding from the media. I shouldn't have to.

And neither should Shuichi. So I'm only going to say this once...

Drop this ridiculous scandal and just walk away."

As the speech ended, the silence dragged on for another moment. Whispers filled the room as each journalist gathered their thoughts and began to make their decisions. One spoke up as they made their choice.

"Alright, Sakuma-san. On behalf of Tokyo Times, we will grant your request." Soon, others spoke up as well.

"Music Culture will do the same."

"Japan International News will follow your wishes."

"Tokyo Courier will not go against you, Sakuma-san."

"Kyoto Gazette as well."

"And J-Pop Live Magazine too."

"If that is what you want, Channel 9 agrees to do the same."

After all was said and done, Ryuichi had his request granted by every respectable source of media, as well as a few gossip tabloids. NG security and the police escorted anyone not agreeing out of the building.

When all the excitement had died down, the remaining journalists waited for the Grasper to either end his statement or continue.

Ryuichi smiled at his victory. He had solved this problem without having to ask for help from anyone, even Tohma.

"Arigato, minna! I truly appreciate your cooperation with me in this matter. As a thank you, I want to sing a song that will only be sung this one time. It's an original piece I wrote a few days ago... demo it will never be released beyond these walls."

Thunderous applause of approval resounded inside the auditorium. Ryuichi bowed to the audience as Tohma and Noriko peeked out from behind the stage curtain.

"Heh... think we should help him out?" Noriko's eyes now sparkled with mischief though just a few moments earlier, they had been dark with apprehension.

"I think he deserves it. He did save the day." Tohma gave his brightest smile as relief wiped away the wrinkles of worry that had been marring the beautiful face.

And with that, stagehands appeared from thin air as equipment was brought forth. The two Graspers made their presence known as Ryuichi turned with a smile of delight.

"I did alright, ne Tohma?" The child inside of the man still wanted his friend's approval.

"Hai, you did just fine."

"Yeah, nicey-nice and all that crap. Get your act together! We don't even have the lyrics or music to play!"

"Ah Nori-chan, I do! Here!" From his jacket pocket, several crumpled papers appeared. A quick once-over and Noriko gave her grudging support.

"Not bad for a baka. When did you learn to write music?"

"Never mind that. Ryu-chan, your fans are waiting for you." Tohma went into his business before pleasure mode bringing the group into full swing.

The stage was set... it was time.

"This is called 'Can't Resist.' This is its first and last debut."

There was no further explanation, but the journalist could feel that this song should be treated with reverence, especially since it would never be heard again. They waited, listened, and were awed.

"**Can't resist... I'm weak against this feeling**

**It's stronger than me, and I'm drowning inside.**

**I can't resist the temptation to be here**

**And I know your answer... but I need to try."**

This song was different from the start. Not because of the quality, but because of the performance itself.

"**Because I'm captivated by your smile**

**And I'm held prisoner by your eyes.**

**So I have no choice but to take that gamble**

**It's my last chance to get it right."**

Many, if not all of Nittle Grasper's songs held a touch of melancholy in its lyrics. That in contrast to the energetic and soulful execution through vocals and melody created a magnetic attraction.

"**And you can see... but you don't understand**

**And you can hear... but do you know what I say?**

**And if I lean closer... will you hear me?**

**And if I push farther... will you run away?"**

This time was no exception. That same attraction was there. But instead of the usual high-energy performance, Ryuichi projected an even deeper and more powerful mood.

"**Can't resist... I'm weak against your spell**

**The fire inside of me won't be contained.**

**I can't resist when I see your face**

**I know what I feel... and we're both afraid."**

Instead of cheering, there were tears from the audience. This wasn't just a song- it was a story. And on a certain level, everyone could sense the truth behind the words.

"**It's dangerous because I can't lie to you**

**When I look in your eyes and see such truth.**

**And it's dangerous because I can't hide from you**

**Even when I try, you only see right through."**

Leaning against the rear entrance behind the stage, a boy dressed in sunglasses and a baseball hat listened to his lover's song.

"**And it's dangerous for you to trust me**

**When it's you that I'm longing for.**

**And it's dangerous for you to stay here**

**Because I'll end up wanting so much more."**

_Ryuichi... doushite?_

"**Can't resist... I'm weak against myself**

**I don't want to stop feeling this way.**

**I can't resist reaching out for you**

**And I have to ask... but what will you say?"**

_Why did you fall in love with me?_

"**I know I'm not who you want to be here**

**I know I'm not who you want to see.**

**I know you've got what you want down**

**But I've got to ask- what do you need?"**

_Gomen, Ryuichi. Demo... I can't pretend that I love you as much as you love me._

"**And isn't there a chance the answer's me?**

_Demo... I will try. If it will keep you smiling._

As the song ended and Nittle Grasper took its final bows, the pink-haired vocalist of Bad Luck left as silently as he had appeared.

**New York City, New York**

A solemn figure stood beside a lonely grave inside a desolate cemetery. The barely rising sun cast a single faint shadow across the graveyard.

It was unusually cool for May, and a light wind threw the blonde hair into a shape of disarray.

The tall man smiled grimly down at the weatherworn tombstone. It was unkempt from years of neglect.

After all, it belonged to someone who everyone would rather forget.

The dedication had been worn down to the point it was no longer legible. Now only the name could be read.

The blond knelt down to the level of the tombstone and brushed his fingers over the name of the deceased.

He had never done so before... it had seemed blasphemous.

He never felt like he even had a right to come and visit this grave.

But today was different. Something had changed inside the man crouching inside the cemetery. Fear and bitterness and left... and strength had replaced it.

Strength and hope... a gift from the one he loved the most.

No, the only one he truly loved at all.

Because the one rotting beneath the ground he was standing on had never truly been the one he loved. That was different.

Yes, much had changed since the last visit to this grave. Life changes, loves changes, and most of all people change.

That was the gift of being alive... change. And there wasn't anyone who had changed as much as the man beside the tombstone.

He smiled again. It was finally time.

"I'm back, Yuki... and I have so much to tell you, so much to say." The smile faded as he felt nostalgia run through his thoughts.

"And I have something of yours that I want to return. Something I don't need anymore."

TBC...

Phew! That was really hard for me! Gomen for taking so long, but the plot has been getting thicker and more difficult to figure out. As a warning to everyone, I might start updating every two weeks instead of every one. I'm having a tough time trying to put the pieces together... and I also have a timeline to deal with! I never realized that so much time had passed since the beginning... we started out on January 16th and now we're all the way at May 25th. Sugoi! Onegai read and review! I hope you enjoy!


	13. Morning After the Nightmare

Ano... Rei is very sad. The reason is Rei received nowhere near the number of reviews for chapter 12 as she did for chapter 11. Rei is feeling very uninspired at this point. Rei is NOT happy. For that reason, she is considering being extremely evil... a decision of how to express this evilness will be reached at a later time. MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Luckily for minna, I passed my road test and got my driver's license on the first try... yay! _cheers_ So I will be nice to my readers and provide a nice, juicy, angsty chapter... enjoy!

HUGGLES TO MY LOYAL REVIEWERS: Jenn-chan, Fishy-chan, Darksaphire, Goku-the-Saru, Silver on the Tree, Kanilla, Weeble Wobble Chic, Red-Mizu, Mitzuki-kun, RyuichiFreak, Izumi, Lillie chan, Liviania, Hiei Jaganshi's Lover, SilverHaze2, Puffin, Silverwing18, Kitty in the Box, Wonderful Teru, dz008, Goddess-Isis-112, and Mooninite Bunny...

Everyone else... either you reviewed after reading this out of guilt or were too lazy to do so previously... I curse you with fire from the Nine Circles of Hell and an eternity of being pushed in front of random cars by Tohma.... _growls _Demo, I still love you all... _giggles maniacally_

To anyone who cares to know, STLF is at its heart! No worries! There are still many more chapters to go before it ends... this is the end of the beginning or the beginning of the end. We are at the point when the keyword here is CHANGE. Don't understand yet? Read on to find out what I'm talking about...

Change is important... it's what makes us human. We can change our nature and break our mold. That links closely to the idea of CHOICE... each of us have the ability to make our own decisions.

Gomen... just thought that these words of wisdom might be useful to some of you... or maybe you have all known this and I'm the slow one. If you can't tell yet, I've been going through many changes in my life... and it's affecting my style of writing. _smiles_

Credits: The lyrics of 'Reflection' belong solely to Fishy-chan... I only used a small piece in this chapter.

**Disclaimer Insert standard Gravitation disclaimer here.**

_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts_

_**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**_

Chapter 13: Morning After the Nightmare

The blonde man closed his eyes he faced his greatest fear. It was the one that had held him back for seven years. The one that had made him who he was today.

"Yuki...." He breathed the name almost inaudibly. The wind died down until the air was completely still. The unusual silence did nothing to ease the tension filling the atmosphere.

"I don't suppose that it makes you happy to see me here. You must be angry that I came." The eerie stillness continued as if the dead were waiting for an explanation.

"Demo, this will be the last time. I won't be bothering you after this." The pensive gold eyes wavered as the decision was spoken aloud. There was no looking back after this.

"You must be so bitter, so hurt. And I know that it's my fault. I stole your life from you long before you were finished living. Gomen ne, sensei." The solemn writer's eyes darkened as he reflected on his mentor. This would be the hardest thing he'd ever have to do... to let go of his ghosts.

"It's too late though... the past is unchangeable. Both yours and mine. And you can never change... you died hating me. Only the living change... the dead merely fade away, ne sensei?" A melancholy smile lingered on his pale lips as he asked the rhetorical question.

A sudden updraft of wind whipped the blond hair across the writer's face. It almost seemed to be a manifestation of the ghost's anger at being mocked.

Or that was how the novelist perceived it to be. He chuckled sardonically at the idea that some part of his tutor's soul might still linger under the grave. He knew better.

There was nothing left beneath this grave that faintly resembled his teacher. There were only bones and dust. Ten years did not improve a corpse.

"Ano... you can have your name back. I don't need it anymore. I no longer feel the need to hang onto something I never had. Cause that's the truth, isn't it? You were never mine... you never loved me. So I'll stop pretending that I was ever yours."

He smiled again, this time without any sadness. More like relief.

"Hai... Yuki is Yuki. Eiri is Eiri." There's a difference between us... and it's about time I remember what it was." The golden eyes narrowed as he prepared the words in his mind. He needed to say it. He needed to speak the truth.

"You hurt others so that they might feel your pain. I hurt others to protect them from myself. I'm a cruel bastard, I know that. Demo, at least I don't live my life with the intention of breaking everyone. I am not that evil."

The words were sharp. There wasn't any doubt of what they meant.

"I am not you."

It was a declaration of independence from the nightmare that began seven years ago.

"And I won't ever become you."

It was final. There wouldn't be any regrets.

The novelist closed his eyes and tilted his head back to feel the breeze across his face. The stillness was broken now and the air was moving as usual. The moment had passed.

It was over.

He smiled softly in the early sunlight as he felt himself being release from the chain that had held him down for so long. Opening his eyes, he threw one last glance at the tombstone before he turned to leave.

"Sayonara, Kitazawa Yuki... I hope your death is better than your life was."

And with those final words, Uesugi Eiri left behind his nightmare and walked forward to seek his dream.

**Next day**

"Oi, Shuichi."

"Mn?"

"You're late, you know."

"Mn."

"So?"

"Mn?"

"Are you going to make up your mind or what?"

"Mn."

"AAAGHHH!!" Finally losing the last of his patience, Hiro grabbed his best friend and put the pink-haired boy in a very secure headlock. Needless to say, the singer yelped out in pain and surprise at his companion's actions.

"Hiro! What was that for?!" Unable to break out of his friend's hold around his neck, the vocalist reverted to the whining tactic.

"Listen you little turd, our album is being released in exactly eight days! That means we are long overdue to hand in an album cover and title! Does that mean anything to you?!"

Frustration over their deadline had created an atmosphere so tense that everyone at the studio could feel it. All day long there had been nothing but petty argument and an excessive amount of dirty looks thrown at an oblivious Shuichi.

Oblivious because he seemed to be preoccupied by some other thoughts from the moment he walked inside NG.

What those thoughts were, no one knew.

The media had died down immediately after Ryuichi's press conference, besides the usual spacey tabloids. But then again, no one ever really believed in anything they wrote anyway.

Especially since the piece on Ryuichi and Shuichi was right next to an article about an eggplant being the reincarnation of Jesus or some shit like that.

But for some reason, Bad Luck's vocalist still seemed to be troubled.

Hiro felt that his friend was no longer struggling within his grip. Loosening it, the guitarist peered down at the pink-haired singer only to see a very serious Shuichi.

"Oi, Hiro?" The vocalist focused his gaze down at the floor in order to hide the expression in his eyes.

"Nani yo, Shu?" The longhaired brunette felt his stomach sink as he waited for his friend's question.

"I was thinking..."

"Don't think too hard. You're going to hurt yourself." The guitarist made an attempt at humor in order to lighten the dark mood that seemed to have settled in the room.

"Iie... seriously Hiro." But the singer didn't want to joke around. This was important.

"Alright. Nani yo?" Resigning himself to a philosophical discussion, Hiro released his hold around his best friend's neck.

"Remember a long time ago when I told you 'nothing lasts forever'?" The boy continued to stare down at the ground as he began his question.

"Hm? Oh, oh yeah. What about it?" Hiro scratched his head as he recalled the conversation that had occurred right after his friend's breakup with Yuki.

"You remember what you told me?"

"Yeah... to live your life for today and not wait for forever, ne?"

"Hai. Demo, what happens when today is over?"

"N-nani? What do you mean by that?" The guitarist was surprised at how much the singer had been contemplating this subject.

"I mean, isn't today just a piece of forever? Shouldn't you live your life as if each day is the beginning of forever?"

"Well, I suppose so. Is it really that important to obtain forever though? You aren't happy with just what you have here and now?"

"Iie. I want to reach for more... I want something that touches eternity. Hell, I'd be happy just knowing what that something is."

"Doushite? Why the sudden urgency? Why is it so important to you?"

"Because... it's for a promise I made a long time ago. A promise that I don't want to break."

Hiro finally realized the drift of their conversation and decided to clarify it. He half hoped that his assumption was wrong, but somehow knew that he wasn't.

"Was it a promise to Yuki-san?"

Shuichi finally looked up at his best friend with startled violet eyes. He hadn't mentioned his former lover's name once, and yet Hiro had still figured it out.

"H-how did you...?"

"Easy. The last time we talked about forever was when the two of you had broken up."

"Ah. So, I guess I'm just too transparent, ne?" The pink-haired boy gave a half-hearted chuckle at being found out in hopes of easing the situation. It was embarrassing to have anyone know that the novelist was still on his mind.

"Iie, I just know you that well." Hiro smiled back, trying to hide his concern for his friend. Knowing that Yuki still played a part in his best friend's life did not make the guitarist happy. As far as he was concerned, Shuichi was better off without the writer.

"So, what do you think? Does anything last forever?" The vocalist pursued his question even though he was a bit embarrassed.

"Eh, maybe. Maybe some things do. Or maybe nothing does. I don't know, Shu. I've never really cared to find forever. I've only live life for the moment." Hiro shrugged as he gave his answer, knowing it wasn't what the singer wanted to hear.

Shuichi sighed as he realized that his friend would be of not help.

"You sound like a hedonist." The vocalist made a jab at his friend's way of thought. Hiro merely shrugged again.

"Hmph, maybe so. Demo, I'm not nearly as bad as my brother. To him, there is no tomorrow."

Before the conversation could continue, the grand entrance of their manager interrupted them. K seemed to be in particularly high spirits that day and entered the room armed to the teeth with various types of arsenal.

How blonde managed to carry so many weapons in public without being arrested was beyond any of them. And none of them ever questioned their manager since they enjoyed being alive.

"BIG NEWS!" K was clearly excited about whatever his information was. He only mixed his English and Japanese when he was really hyped about something.

The two musicians turned to their manager as they awaited his 'big news' with apprehension. The last time there had been 'big new,' the results had been disastrous.

"Eh, do we really want to know, K-san?" Hiro grimaced at the thought of another good idea from Bad Luck's manager. K merely smiled broadly at his artists.

"OF COURSE! There has been a change of plan concerning the debut of Bad Luck's new album. It has been decided that it will be delayed another week and it will be released while Bad Luck is in the United States!"

"NANI?!" The vocalist and guitarist responded in shock at the news.

"Hai, hai! Bad Luck will be doing a short tour through the United States for a duration of three months. It's just long enough to promote your new album in four major cities. It'll begin in Los Angeles and end in New York."

"Doushite? Why the sudden decision to go to the states now?" Shuichi wore his most confused look across his face.

"Ah, why you ask? Well, it seems that Seguchi-san has seen that Bad Luck is making tremendous progress and needs to broaden their horizons. He feels that Bad Luck will do well there. And it'll open you guys up to a whole new audience... one that doesn't understand a word you're saying." K chuckled at his last comment, knowing that his musicians would question it. And he was right.

"Yeah, so if they don't understand, what's the point?!" Shuichi even more confused than before, as well as slightly suspicious. The entire situation seemed to reek of an ulterior motive.

"That's just the point. It'll help you improve your skills. You see, even though they can't understand your words, the audience can still understand you feelings. So now you have to put forth extra effort into conveying your thoughts through your voice alone, ne?" The manager responded triumphantly, knowing that his vocalist could never turn down a challenge.

Because that was what it was... a challenge from Tohma, delivered by K.

A challenge to be a success in the United States in order to reach Nittle Grasper.

Shuichi recalled that his idols had toured many countries including the states and they had been a success at each stop.

Knowing this, he realized that in order to surpass Nittle Grasper, Bad Luck would have to succeed abroad as well. And so the singer made his resolve.

"Fine. Bad Luck will go to the United States." Confusion had left the violet eyes only to be replaced by determination. K smiled and Hiro gawked at his best friend in surprise.

"Shuichi? Are you sure about this? It's a little sudden and all." The guitarist hesitated to agree with his vocalist.

"It's an opportunity, Hiro. We can't turn it down." Shuichi smiled to assure his friend that it would be the right decision. After a moment of silence in which Hiro ran the idea through his mind again, he nodded in consent.

"Alright, fearless leader. Knock them dead."

"Ryuichi and Kumagorou will be coming with you too, na no da!" The Grasper made his presence known at that moment as he made his way into the studio. The idol fairly bounced forward to glomp his boyfriend in a whirlwind of energy.

Shuichi blushed crimson at his lover's embrace. Everyone knew about the couple of course, but it was still embarrassing show public displays of affection.

Especially in front of their friends.

The same friends who had seen Shuichi do the same exact thing to a certain blonde novelist.

In reality, their audience found it to be very cute indeed.

"Ryu-Ryuichi! You're coming with us?" The pink-haired boy stuttered as his mind processed the announcement.

The hyper man-child merely bobbed his head enthusiastically. Kumagorou did the same. Then the Grasper paused for moment and stuck out his bottom lip into a pout.

"Doushite? Shu-chan doesn't want Ryu-chan and Kuma-chan to come with you, na no da?" The protruding lip trembled as tears formed in the idol's eyes while he awaited an answer.

"Uh, iie! That's not it at all! It's great that you're coming with us! It'll be fun!" The younger vocalist made hast to reassure his lover before the pout turned into full-fledged wailing.

The tears magically disappeared and a wide smile stretched across Ryuichi's face.

"Yay! It'll be lots of fun, na no da!"

"Hai, hai!" Shuichi grinned at his boyfriend's eagerness at the upcoming tour. It was nice to see Ryuichi smile.

"Can you sing for us, Shu-chan? Kumagorou wants see you be pika pika, na no da!" The combination of puppy eyes and hopeful tone of voice made it impossible to say no to the Grasper. Bad Luck's vocalist nodded cheerfully in agreement.

"Sure. I'll sing. This song is called 'Reflection.' It's the one that was released abroad a few days ago... but we haven't released it in Japan."

"Doushite?" The God of J-pop crinkled his eyebrows at the statement.

Usually any songs released abroad were first released within Japan. The backward order in which 'Reflection' was put out on the market was not at all standard.

"I just didn't think that Japan could really benefit from listening to it." The simple explanation hid the truth, and the Grasper could sense what his lover really meant.

Shuichi meant to say, 'The one I wanted to hear it no longer resides within Japan.'

Ryuichi frowned slightly, his heart twisting with jealousy. Before the pink-haired singer could notice, the frown was wiped away without a trace.

Ryuichi had known from the start that he would never be able to replace Shuichi's former boyfriend. Nevertheless, it still pained the older vocalist to know that his newfound lover still thought of the abrasive writer.

To know that his lover would never forget his first.

The Grasper was pulled out of his thoughts as Shuichi began the sing the opening notes to 'Reflection.'

**New York, New York**

**"Walking through fire**

**Don't be trapped by the flames**

**You have to reach for your future**

**If you want to unlock your chains."**

The novelist sucked in his breath sharply as he listened to the lyrics floating wistfully from his home theater.

It was set on International Music Television, or better known as IMTV. It was one of the luxuries of staying at a first class hotel... anything you wanted with a simple call to the courtesy office.

The song was just ending as he had entered the living room from the bathroom. But no matter how short the duration, the writer could distinguish that particular voice anywhere.

It was...

"And that was Shuichi Shindou of Bad Luck as his first overseas single rapidly climbed the charts. Impressive for his premier song abroad!" The announcer continued his top ten list of international music.

_Hmm. It seems Bad Luck is already at number five at international standards. Not bad._

_**Ah, but I sense that this isn't what you were waiting for, ne Eiri?**_

The blonde man smirked at the thought passing through his head.

_Heh... no it isn't._

_**Are you getting impatient? Tired of waiting?**_

_Iie. Lucky for me, patience is one of the few virtues I do have._

And with that, the writer made his way back to his laptop.

All the while humming the tune of 'Reflection.'

**Tohma's Office**

Meanwhile in a plush office at the top level of NG Studios, a blond executive was contemplating the recent turn of events. Ryuichi's actions had surprised him.

It was unusual for Nittle Grasper's vocalist to step into the spotlight to do anything other than make music. The heartthrob singer preferred anonymity ever since a certain event that had risked his career and life.

An event that had been hidden behind a wall of silence and secrecy.

No one ever mention it. As far as everyone was concerned, it had never happened. And it was better that way.

_Or was it?_

Tohma sighed heavily, breaking the quiet of his office.

He had given much thought to his decision of sending Bad Luck to the United States before he had actually put the order out.

And the truth was, the President of NG was not completely at ease with his choice.

Sure, it would be an excellent opportunity to publicize Bad Luck's musical talent. And he had no doubt that they had the ability to succeed.

That doubt had long since diminished... and he had accepted the truth. Grudgingly, yes. Nonetheless, it was no longer a matter of talent or drive.

Bad Luck had proven themselves. Shuichi in particular had proven himself to be a worthy adversary for Nittle Grasper.

Tohma unrest with his decision was in regards to his colleague... as well as his brother-in-law.

If Ryuichi chose to pursue Shuichi, then things would get complicated.

Scratch that. Make that even more complicated.

Because not only would the novelist become involved, but then Ryuichi's past would eventually rise to the surface as well.

And that was bad... very bad.

Very, very bad.

Tohma was torn.

On one hand, Ryuichi was his best friend and fellow Grasper. And through thick and thin, they had always shared the same hopes and dreams... though they chose different ways of pursuing them.

They had been friends from the very beginning... even before Nittle Grasper came to be. The two of them had always felt unwavering loyalty towards each other, and neither would betray that for the world.

Tohma had known Ryuichi before the vocalist wore a mask.

Before Kumagorou came to life.

And Tohma was the one who had to pick up the pieces of Ryuichi's life and heart when that was all left remaining after 'the incident.'

Literally.

On the other hand, Tohma felt responsible for Eiri in ways beyond the usual relationship of a brother-in-law. Guilt weighed on his heart every the executive thought of the blond Uesugi that had been broken seven years ago.

For if Tohma had never chosen Kitazawa as Eiri's personal tutor, the Eiri would never have become Yuki in the first place.

If only Tohma hadn't taken Eiri to the states...

If only Tohma hadn't trusted the a stranger with Eiri's well-being...

If only Tohma had put a stop to Eiri's crush before it continued...

If only.

But Tohma had been careless... or that's what his guilty conscience told him.

If reminded him of his mistake every single waking moment of his life.

And that was the reason Tohma held on so tightly to his responsibility to his wife's younger brother.

Because if ever there was a chance in the future to protect Eiri from being hurt again, Tohma wanted to be there to insure it.

He felt a need to make atonement for endangering his ward and not being there for Eiri in his time of need.

For when Tohma had arrived, it had been too late. The damage had been done and the innocence already broken.

So now Tohma had to choose between his loyalty to his best friend and his responsibility to his brother-in-law. With either choice, one or the other would be hurt.

What was a man to do?

Tohma groaned at his impending decision. There would be no win/win situation here. Someone has to lose this time around. And the situation wasn't even under his control. It was only a matter of whom he would support.

For the United States was the current residence of a certain novelist. That much had been discovered, but not much more. There was still a question of where in the states.

And once Bad Luck made their debut in the states, that novelist was sure to find out.

But now that Ryuichi had become involved, it wasn't likely that there would be a happy reunion between Eiri and Shuichi. No, from Tohma's experience, Ryuichi would make sure that a claim was apparent on his newfound lover.

Ryuichi was like that... outgoing and amiable... until someone threatened to take what was his.

And Ryuichi had staked his claim on Shuichi... no doubt about that. The moment Tohma had announced his decision to send Bad Luck overseas; Ryuichi had immediately announced that he was going as well.

It hadn't been a request. There hadn't been any begging, wailing, or fits of hysteria.

No, instead it had been a statement. A demand. And no one would be able to change the legendary vocalist's mind.

Another sigh broke the silence of the office. Tohma hated having to choose.

_Maybe I shouldn't choose. Maybe it's not my place to get involved._

_Maybe... I should let things be._

The President of NG Corps leaned back in his leather reclining desk chair. Looking at the ceiling without seeing it, the executive considered his third choice.

_Maybe that would be best. For all of them. Let them find their own was home._

**Later that night**

Ryuichi held his sleeping lover in a protective embrace on the comfy sofa in his living room. Shuichi had agreed after to stay over at the Grasper's home as that night to spend some time together. But sleep took over the pink-haired boy's body and he had promptly fallen asleep upon arrival.

The older vocalist didn't mind though. As long as he was holding the boy, there was nothing else in the world he could want for. He was happy just to be with Shuichi.

Reaching out a tentative hand to brush away a stray lock of pink hair, the Grasper smiled at the picture the slumbering vocalist made. The quiet of the room was broken occasionally by a soft whisper of breathe as the boy dreamed peacefully.

"Mn... Yu... ki."

Ryuichi frowned as his lover muttered the writer's name in his sleep. Even in the boy's sleep, Yuki came first. The God of J-pop cursed in the dark, angered that his boyfriend still dreamed of his ex.

He was jealous. And he hated the fact that he was. He hated that emotion. It was an emotion of weakness.

He wanted to hear Shuichi whisper his own name as he slept. He wanted to be the one that his lover dreamed of.

But Ryuichi knew that one could not control their own dreams.

Or nightmares for that matter.

Because if control could be held over them, Ryuichi would have surely chosen better ones for himself.

Dreams without fear.

Dreams that he didn't have to wake up screaming from.

For the Grasper had been haunted by the same dream for the past eight years.

Ryuichi curled his lip in disdain as he reflected on his nightmare.

It was ironic...

As much as he hated Yuki, he was more like him than anyone else.

Or rather, Yuki was more like Ryuichi... since the Grasper's nightmare began before the novelist's.

One year before... to be exact.

It was one year before Yuki's nightmare and one year after Nittle Grasper was began their dream.

A nightmare echoing with screams and desperate pleading.

A nightmare painted in pools of blood around lifeless bodies.

It was the one that had pushed him over the edge and sent him plummeting down into and endless cycle of regret and despair.

Ryuichi used to be quite confident in himself. He never hid behind anything or anyone. But that was before the nightmare.

Now the only time he could possibly be that self-assured man of eight years ago was when he was on stage. Then he could forget... even if only for a little while.

Shuichi stirred from his sleep opening a single amethyst eye to peer up at his lover. The Grasper smiled warmly at his boyfriend, pushing aside his troubled thoughts.

"Ryuichi? Are you okay?" The boy wrinkled his forehead in concern. Though the Grasper hadn't realized it previously, Shuichi had actually been awake for several minutes. The young musician had seen the tormented expression that had been displayed across older vocalist's face.

"Of course, Shu-chan. I'm fine. I'm the one who should be asking you that! You were out the moment you landed on the couch!" The Grasper teased his lover, trying to keep the conversation light.

"Ah, gomen ne, Ryuichi. I guess rehearsal and recording wore me out more than I thought it would." A pretty pout from Bad Luck's singer brought another smile to the God of J-pop's face. Shuichi's was irresistible to all.

"Iie, I'm not mad. Just worried, that's all. You need to rest too, na no da!" Though Ryuichi wasn't in his child-mode, he still favored his usual expressions. It was natural to him... after all; he had used them for a long time.

"No worries, koi! I feel much better now!" Shuichi pushed himself up from the couch into a sitting position and let out a small yawn. Ryuichi pulled the boy into a tight hug, savoring the feel of soft skin and the light scent of strawberries.

The younger vocalist remained motionless for a moment, surprised at his lover's sudden embrace. Then he hugged him back. There was definitely something that was bothering his lover, and he knew that Ryuichi needed to be held.

"Ryu-chan... what's wrong. And don't say nothing... I know something's on your mind. You can tell me." Concern was apparent in Shuichi's voice, and the Grasper relaxed, as he knew that the boy really did care.

"I... I just want you to know that I love you." Ryuichi held his breathe half hoping for an answer and half hoping to the silence to continue.

Shuichi hesitated for split second, and then answered in turn.

"I love you too, Ryu. No matter what happens, I'll be here for you."

The legendary vocalist closed his eyes. His heart pounded so hard, he was sure that his boyfriend could feel the rhythm as well. As much as the declaration of devotion warmed his heart, it hurt it as well. For now the Grasper feared more than ever the idea of losing Shuichi because of his past.

"Shuichi... would you still be here if you knew the truth?" Shuichi pulled back from the hug to look into Ryuichi's face, trying to discern the meaning of his lover's enigmatic words.

"The... truth?"

"Everyone has secrets, Shuichi... whether they are small and unimportant or immense and life-changing. And I have one too."

"N-nani...?" Dread choked the boy as he realized that whatever his lover's secret was, it would be one of the life-changing ones.

"You already knew that I wasn't who everyone else thought I was. You knew that there was more. But do you really want to know the truth, Shu?" The Grasper's voice was hoarse with emotion.

Offering the truth was forbidden. It was taboo to break the vow of silence. And Ryuichi knew that once the truth was given, there would be no turning back.

Thoughts raced through Shuichi's mind as he remembered the dark secrets that his former lover had once shared with him. As bad as that had been, the singer had a feeling that this secret might be even worse.

_How bad could it be?_

_Do I dare find out?_

Shuichi felt his lover's anguish in the thick silence enshrouding the room. Knowing the truth would be taking a risk.

"Tell me the truth, Ryuichi."

TBC...

Ah! I finally finished this chapter! Yay! Lot's of angst, ne? _smiles_ Grrr! YOU MUST REVIEW! Otherwise there will be no update for THREE WEEKS! Yes, I'm using blackmail... but I need my reviews to get ideas and inspiration! If I don't know what you like and don't like, then I won't know how to continues either! REVIEWS plus FEEBACK & IDEAS equals BETTER & LONGER UPDATES!! Don't forget! I might even do something really evil like e-mail the next update to only individuals that leave reviews! Grrr! I MISS MY REVIEWS!! ONEGAI ONEGAI ONEGAI!!


	14. There is Always More

Arigato minna... Reiannah is grateful to all those who cared enough to review. I received many requests... some to continue the Shuichi x Ryuichi pairing, some to return to the Shuichi x Yuki pairing, some to emphasize the rivalry between Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper, some to reveal Ryuichi's secret, and many more. Unfortunately, I can't grant all requests... however, some will be granted now while others will be granted at a later time... maybe... if I feel like being nice.

As for Ryuichi's secret and the birth of Kumagorou... read on to find out! And in regards to Shuichi and Ryuichi's relationship... well let's just say that their limits shall be tested in this next chapter once the truth is revealed. Note that Ryuichi's past will be cut up into three parts, this chapter being the first. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: Insert standard Gravitation disclaimer here.**

_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts_

_**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**_

**Chapter 14: There is Always More**

**Few hours before previous scene**

"Ukai Noriko speaking." The drowsy woman pushed aside a rumpled knot of lavender hair from her face. Beside her, her husband protested her answering the phone.

True, it was a bit late to be accepting phone calls. But then again, the caller ID identified the number to be coming from a corporate office of NG Studios. If they were bothering her at this time of the night, it had to be important.

"Noriko-san? It's me." The Grasper recognized the tired voice of her colleague at the other end of the line. She immediately shook off her lethargy.

"Tohma? What the hell's the matter?" Now she knew this was important. The NG executive rarely bothered her, and if he did, never at 11:28pm.

"It's Ryuichi." The woman froze at the answer. She felt her heart skip a beat as fear raced through her thoughts.

"What ABOUT Ryuichi? What's wrong? What happened? Is he okay? Where is he? Does he need help?" Panic jumpstarted her voice as questions were bombarded at the President of NG.

Tohma hesitated for a moment before answering.

"I... I don't know..."

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!" Next to her, Tatsuya fell off the bed with a loud 'thump' as she shrieked into the receiver.

"Noriko, relax! There's no immediate danger to Ryuichi at this moment. I didn't mean it like that!" The executive quickly explained himself before he lost his hearing.

"Oh." The female Grasper became suddenly silent at the reassurance.

"What I was trying to say was, Ryuichi has decided to accompany Bad Luck to the states. Iie. Let me rephrase that. Ryuichi has decided to accompany Shindou-kun to the states." Tohma corrected himself out loud, but to his own surprise, the rewording didn't sound as bitter as he thought it would.

Noriko sighed deeply into the phone.

"So, the plan didn't work after all. Ryu is chasing after Shuichi... even to the states"

"Hai. I just want to let you know... and also wanted to mention that our vocalist putting a lot of faith in his relationship with Shindou-kun." The male keyboardist emphasized the second half of his comment, making it sound like a warning.

"You think it's that serious?" Noriko frowned into the phone as she caught the hint in her friend's voice.

"Hai. In fact I think it's serious enough that Ryuichi might consider revealing his Pandora's Box to him."

"Are you talking about...? Iie! No way! That's impossible!" Eyes wide with dismay, the woman stuttered at the idea.

"I don't think it's impossible anymore. Have you noticed Ryuichi's behavior as of late?" Tohma her recent memories of the new lovers.

"Hai, demo..." Now it was her turn to hesitate. Noriko had noticed the change in Ryuichi, and it scared her. His behavior was so unusual... almost as if it was the old version of the vocalist brought back to life.

"Well, I just wanted to update you on the situation... and also let you know that I've decided to stay uninvolved this time around." Silence ruled once again as the news was dropped on the female Grasper.

Noriko vision faded in and out of focus as the words hit her.

"You... you're... just going to... let it... happen?" The words held a credulous tone. It was unbelievable... Seguchi Tohma, master of interference, had decided to call it quits at the worst possible time and situation.

"We can't protect Ryuichi forever, Noriko. It's time we let him go... let him make his own choices." The lavender-haired woman stood up from her bed.

"Where is he now? I'm going to him."

Presently at Ryuichi's Home

"Tell me what happened." Shuichi accepted the offer of truth. The Grasper gazed deeply into the violet eyes, knowing everything would change once the truth was revealed.

"Shu-" A sharp knock at the door interrupted the words. The two lovers looked towards the door, apprehensive of who it might be. The knocking came again, this time louder and somehow more demanding.

Ryuichi jumped up to answer his door, but was hindered as the pink-haired boy held onto the older man's shirttail. Shuichi knew that his boyfriend was happy to delay the truth. The Grasper merely smiled reassuringly at the boy and proceeded to open his door.

And there stood Noriko with hands on her hips. She didn't appear to be very pleased either.

"Ryuichi no baka!" The lavender-haired woman smacked the side of the man's head to emphasize her statement. The younger Grasper rubbed his head as he gave a pout.

"Itai! Nori-chan! That hurt, na no da! What was that for?" The whine was ignored as the female musician stomped into the townhouse as if it were her own.

She made her way to where Shuichi was watching with wide eyes at the approach of the angry woman. Arms crossed, she frowned at the vocalist.

"How much did he tell you, Shuichi?" Noriko glared, as she demanded an answer. The pink-haired singer stuttered at the question.

"N-nani? W-what do you mean, Noriko?" The violet eyes blinked in confusion as the keyboardist eyed the boy suspiciously. Ryuichi had recovered his senses by then and after shutting the door, he stepped in between his lover and his colleague.

"Nori-chan, what exactly are you talking about?" The older vocalist dropped his child act the moment he realized how serious his fellow Grasper was. The woman glared at him through narrowed eyes, her view of Shuichi blocked by the man's protective stance.

"Don't play dumb, you moron! You know what I'm talking about! From what I've heard, you're planning on talking a little too much!" The lavender-haired woman advanced forward a step, causing Ryuichi to fall back onto the arm of the sofa.

"If you're talking about 'the incident' then you shouldn't worry. I haven't said anything yet." Instead of being reassured, the female Grasper seemed to become even more enraged.

"Yet?! What do you mean, 'yet'? Are you seriously planning to tell this twerp the truth?!" At this point, Noriko was inches from throttling her coworker in her frustration. Nittle Grasper's vocalist pushed himself back further into the couch to avoid the angry woman's hands as they came closer.

Unfortunately, he had forgotten that 'the twerp' was directly behind him. So instead of escaping Noriko's grasp, Ryuichi merely became trapped between his lover and his band mate.

Noriko took this opportunity to pull the man to his feet and hold his face directly in front of her own. They were so close their noses were touching.

Her eyes were no longer angry. Instead they held a sadness that seemed to be breaking her heart. They filled with tears as unspoken emotions spilled over. Worry, sorrow, hurt, and love radiated from her touch.

"Ryu-chan... have you considered the consequences of revealing the truth? Do you think it's worth the risk? Do you think Shuichi will be able to understand?"

The tears dropped one by one onto the singer's face, burning his skin as they trailed down his own face. With a start, he realized that he too was crying and the tears were his own.

"Nori-chan... I-I don't know. Demo, I'm willing to take that chance. I have to." The male Grasper rested his forehead against the female's as he wrapped his arms around her in a warm embrace.

He knew that his past had hurt all three members of Nittle Grasper. And he also knew that breaking the pact of silence between them would mean feeling the pain all over again.

Noriko had never quite gotten over the tragedy and was always the first to hush up any mention of it. The memory of it seemed to make her physically wilt. For she had been the first to discover the bloody mess.

"Ryuichi... some secrets are better left forgotten." She pleaded her case one last time in hopes that her friend would change his mind. He merely shook his head.

"I know, Noriko. Demo, I can't hide forever. Isn't that what you told me, ne?" The vocalist wasn't about to change his mind, but at the same time, he wanted her to understand his decision and support him in it.

The lavender-haired woman dropped her face into her hands as a muffled sob broke through her hands. She was scared. She didn't want to see her friend go through the memories again.

As the tears subsided, the woman looked up with her dark puffy eyes and swollen red nose. She gave a slight nod. The vocalist smiled.

Throughout the entire conversation between the two Graspers, Shuichi had remained frozen on the couch, transfixed by the drama played before his eyes. His lover's secret, whatever it was, still held enormous power over these people.

It made him think twice about his easy acceptance of Ryuichi's offer. He felt as though he was outside of the world these two lived in. And it made him wonder if he even deserved to know the truth.

_What right do I have to know about Ryuichi's past?_

_Is it that important anyway?_

_He's still the same._

_His past shouldn't matter to me._

_Ryuichi is still Ryuichi, ne?_

His thoughts were interrupted as Ryuichi's voice broke the silence.

"Shuichi... do you still want to know? If you've changed your mind, let me know now. There's no going back after this." The Grasper's eyes were dark as he said the words. There was neither trace of smile nor hint of laughter.

Bad Luck's vocalist parted his lips to answer only to shut it again without uttering a sound. He was afraid of the choice given to him. The truth held such weight and darkness.

If he said yes, than so many question would be answered... and yet there were some, as Noriko said, that are better left unanswered.

If he said no, than things would go on as they were... although there would remain a void in their relationship.

_Ignorance is bliss... but is still ignorance._

Shuichi raised his eyes from the floor and gazed unblinkingly into his boyfriend's face.

Whatever decision he made, it would shape the future of both singers.

Whatever he chose, he had to do without any hesitation or regret.

He breathed in deeply finally shaped his mouth to speak.

"I-I want to know. Onegai, Ryuichi... tell me."

Nittle Grasper's vocalist returned eye contact and remained silent a moment longer. Noriko sniffled in the background, watching the scene as it played out.

The God of J-pop gave a nod and adjusted himself on the couch as to face his lover completely. He motioned for the keyboardist to take a seat as well. She approached slowly and took a seat on a chair next across from the sofa where the two lovers sat.

Ryuichi cleared his throat as he gathered his thoughts. He felt his heartbeat quicken slightly as bad memories rose to the surface.

"The nightmare began nine years ago..."

**The Nightmare: _Flashbacks_**

Flashback #1:

"Onii-san! Matte yo, na no da!" A tiny girl around the age of three waddled frantically towards her older brother who paused for a moment, allowing the child to catch up.

The older man grinned at the slight of his little sister trying to follow him. Even with a budding career in the music industry that left him little to no rest, he still made time for the little girl.

"Hayaku, hayaku! You have to hurry up if you want to come with me, Kaida-chan!" The singsong tone of voice teased the toddler as she tripped on a particularly deep pothole in the road.

Falling flat on her face, the child struggled for a moment as she pushed herself off the ground. He could see tears forming in the large blue-green eyes- the only trait share by the siblings. They were darker than usual now, signaling an emotion change in the toddler.

But there wasn't any crying or tantrums. Just a couple of tears rolling down in fat drops down her cheeks.

Because she knew what her brother would say... 'Sakuma's aren't crybabies.'

Yes, she was one tough kid... one her older brother Ryuichi had much pride in.

The beginner rock star had gotten his break into the music industry not even two months ago. It had been hard... being pushed and pulled... the good publicity and bad had rattled the nerves of all three members.

And then there had been the important little detail that had been overlook... like the name of their band.

They had argued for days before turning in a name that was satisfactory to all of them.

Tohma insisted that they have a strong name... something that held power when it fell from someone's lips.

Noriko demanded an asexual name that didn't define gender in any way, shape, or form.

Ryuichi wanted a name that would shine bright against the normal boundaries the usual one-hit band held.

They wanted something that breached the space between the various musical influences.

They wanted to reach... or as it turned out, grasp.

Ryuichi had made a comment about how they were grasping for something that wasn't meant to be held.

As which point Tohma said it was like grasping nettles.

And then Noriko recommended 'Nettle Grasper' as their band name.

Of course, Ryuichi couldn't let her get the last word in... so he made a flippant comment about calling themselves, 'Nipple Grasper.'

That turned out to be not such a good idea... Noriko had launched herself at the singer in an attempt at throttling him.

Tohma, after separating his fellow band members, suggested they compromise... something in between the two.

And such was the birth of Nittle Grasper. Simple as that... the end.

No. That wasn't right. It was only the beginning. The birth of a star that would shine for many years to come. Or so they hoped.

Ryuichi turned his attention to his younger sibling who had managed to get back on her feet and was making her way towards him, slowly but steadily.

He smiled brightly at her, his eyes turning a brighter shade of teal as she overcame her obstacle. Kaida grinned back as she basked in her brother's approval.

"Nii-san... will you walk with Kaida this time, na no da?" The sweet voice made his smile widen as the child reached a hand up to hold his own. The tiny hand settled for wrapping around a single finger since she couldn't exactly manage to hold his entire hand.

"I would've walked with you the first time if kept you'd kept up with me." She gave a small pout as her brother continued to tease her mercilessly.

"Onii-san you meanie!" He gave a soft chuckle as she crinkled her face.

She was indeed an adorable little girl. Taking after their deceased mother with her dirty blonde hair, pale complexion, and lithe form, she appeared older than her age.

The only thing she inherited from her father was her bright eye color that changed according to her mood. On the other had, Ryuichi was an exact image of their father. Only his personality had remnants of his dead mother in it.

Their mother had died giving birth to Kaida. Three agonizingly long days had been too much for the frail woman. Their father, Ryuiji, had chosen not to grieve though... only to celebrate the birth of the long awaited daughter to the family.

Kaida had been the Sakuma's blessing. From the moment she entered the world she had been all sunshine and laughter. Rarely crying and always smiling, she had brought much needed light to their lives.

Ryuichi allowed his little sister to pull him down the sidewalk towards their destination: Ruido. Nittle Grasper was scheduled for to debut in their first live performance there in two days. According to Tohma, it was a golden opportunity to begin.

For Tohma had been the one who chose to accept the invitation from Ruido's owners to play there. Crown Records, Nittle Grasper's recording label, had agreed as well.

Upon reaching the live house, the Ryuichi paused for a moment and gazed at the building.

_This is it... our stepladder to the top._

Kaida tugged at her brother's hand impatiently. He lowered his eyes to throw her a quick wink. After another pause, they stepped forward to enter the building.

Flashback #2:

"Ryu-chan! Where have you been? You're late!" Nittle Grasper's vocalist grinned as his lover raced forward to embrace him.

"Gomen ne, Aki-chan. Rehearsal ran a bit late and..." The sentence was smothered under a passionate kiss. Time stood still as the two became lost inside their own little world.

After a few moments they broke apart to catch their breath. They never did learn how to breathe while kissing. Either that or they just forgot to do it.

Ryuichi smiled lovingly at his boyfriend. They had known each other for years... since their last year of high school.

Ishikawa Akinori had transferred to Ryuichi's high school in their final year. From the beginning they had been complete opposites.

Ryuichi was charismatic and outgoing while Akinori was quiet and reserve. Ryuichi was popular with hoards of friends and admirers while Akinori preferred seclusion and staying in the background. Ryuichi was a doer while Akinori was a thinker.

It was strange that they ever got together.

Neither ever proclaimed to have a preference for the same sex. In fact, at their introduction, Ryuichi had been dating the captain of the cheerleading squad. Not that their relationship had lasted very long. But then again, he was known for that... none of his relationships had lasted any longer than a few weeks.

Yes, he was indeed the biggest playboy in town, jumping from one girl to another. Sometimes even jumping back to a previous one.

It wasn't until Ryuichi and Akinori actually graduated from high school that they became friends. A simple meeting at a local club where Ryuichi was singing at had left him wanting to learn more about his reclusive schoolmate.

And that had eventually led to much more. A year or so into their friendship, feelings developed into a deeper relationship.

After a while, Ryuichi couldn't handle the chemistry between them any longer. He surprised Akinori with a kiss after a successful gig. The usually calm and collected boy was very flustered and embarrassed... but he didn't push Ryuichi away. The embarrassment stemmed from the fact the kiss happened in front of a small audience: Tohma and Noriko.

Tohma smiled politely as usual... his face lacked any trace of surprise in its features.

Noriko's jaw dropped... she practically started drooling.

Yes, everyone whose opinion mattered to the couple gave their full support... or at the very least, couldn't care less.

For example, Sakuma Ryuiji could have cared less. Sure, he didn't exactly jump for joy once his only son's sexual preference was brought to his attention. On the other hand, he didn't say a single word against it. He usually just shrugged and rolled his eyes when anyone mentioned the subject.

And Sakuma Kaida couldn't comprehend the difference between heterosexual and homosexual. As far as she was concerned, there was nothing wrong with loving anyone.

So Ryu and Aki continued their relationship, choosing to keep it a secret from the public in light of the fact not many people outside of their inner circle would have approved. Homosexuality was not considered an acceptable way of life at that point in time, especially in Japan.

Akinori grinned back at his lover with warm chocolate brown eyes. He had given his unwavering devotion to Ryuichi from the very beginning. He had supported his boyfriend's career and even agreed to stay in the background to prevent rumors and bad publicity from hurting Nittle Grasper's career. He didn't even seem to care about the fan girls that flocked around his boyfriend.

Ryuichi raised himself onto his toes in order to touch noses with Akinori. He could hear the taller male suck in his breath at the intimate gesture, waiting for the singer's next move.

"I missed you, koi." The Grasper whispered the words softly, sending shivers down his lover's back.

"Me too... I missed you more." The aromatic fragrance of sandalwood with a touch of jasmine lingered in the air... the scent of Aki's body wash.

"Mm... you smell good." Akinori giggled at the compliment. Tracing one elegant fingertip across his boyfriend's jaw line, he pulled Ryuichi closer with his other arm.

"You always say that Ryu-chan." The vocalist gave a soft chuckle at his lover's response. He pushed a stray strand of auburn hair away from the tanned face.

Though mostly of Japanese heritage, Akinori was also part American. That part of him was only made apparent by the shape of his eyes and his slight accent. He had been taught both Japanese and English from birth and spoke both fluently.

He was raised in Japan until he turned five, and then lived in the United States until he was twelve. At twelve, his parents died in a car accident, leaving him an orphan. Sent back to Japan to live with his uncle on his mother's side, he had chosen to move out at the age of seventeen. That was when he transferred to Ryuichi's high school.

Akinori leaned forward to nibble on a particularly enticing earlobe. Ryuichi had yet to give into everyone's piercing obsession. On the other hand, Aki chose to have a multiple number of piercings... quite contrary to his quite boy image.

"Let's go to my place. It'll be... a little private." The Grasper's eyes burned with desire for the man in his arms. The said man smiled seductively down at his lover.

"Heh, some impatient. Suffering much?" Akinori returned the smile along with a tease.

"Mm... I want to show you just how much I missed you." Ryuichi let his hands wander beneath his boyfriend's shirt causing Akinori to let out a gasp of surprise.

"Uh, let's go then."

"Do you love me, Ryu?" They were lying down in the vocalist's king-sized bed amidst tangled silk sheets and rumpled pillows. Ryuichi had been on the verge of a hard-earned sleep after their night of passion. He opened a single to peer at his lover.

"Do you need to ask?" Akinori just gazed back for a moment before nodding his head.

"I just want to hear you say it. I don't mind sharing you with everyone in Japan, but I want to know that you'll always be mine first." The singer closed his eyes briefly as he contemplated his answer.

"I'm yours. You're mine. And I love you more than life. Are you satisfied?" Akinori grinned broadly at his boyfriend and nodded again.

"Hai... I'm happy now. Oyasumi nasai, Ryu." He snuggled closer to the vocalist to feel the warmth of his body. Ryuichi wrapped his arm around his lover's waist and closed his eyes for the last time that night.

"Oyasumi nasai, koibito."

To be continued...

So, what did you think? I don't know if everything is perfect, but I promise much more is to come. Arigato for your patience... I'll be uploading the second part really soon. REVIEW MINNA!!! I need to know what you like or don't like and some guesses on Ryuichi's past would be nice. I still need ideas!


	15. Beautiful Illusions to Hide What Isn't T...

NEW RULE... if you didn't like my first chapter, than you shouldn't have ever gotten this far. I do not accept flames or insults... if you don't like my fic, don't read. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM is accepted happily, but it has to be just that- constructive. Cruel reviews will be erased and ignorant reviewers will be blocked. Simple as that... end of subject. Rude reviewers grate on my nerves.

On a happier note, arigato for all the feedback and ideas! It helped me out a lot! Actually, as I was reading through your reviews and e-mails, I was thinking how similar some of your ideas were to mine! Funny, ne? Well, I still need more of them, so keep up the e-mails!

Here's part two of Ryuichi's nightmare. Gomen ne, minna... I know it's really long, but there's one more part to it after this. For now, enjoy!

Note: The song, 'Meteor' is not a Gravitation song... it is composed by Daisuke Asakura, but T.M. Revolution sings it and the song is from Gundam Seed. I used it to be sung by Nittle Grasper because D.A. composed the music, it has pretty lyrics, and I ran out of songs for N.G. Yeah, I'm that simple-minded... deal with it.

**Disclaimer Insert standard Gravitation disclaimer here.**

_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts_

_**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**_

**Chapter 15: Beautiful Illusions to Hide What Isn't There**

**Flashback #3:**

"That one, Onii-san! Kaida wants that one! Iie, Kaida wants that one! Iie, iie...Kaida wants them both!" It was Ryuichi's last day in Japan before he and the rest of Nittle Grasper would be heading to the United States for a yearlong tour.

The members had agreed to cancel practice for the day so that they would have time to pack and spend some time with their family or loved ones.

Noriko was spending the day with some guy she had been dating the past few weeks. If memory served him right, Ryuichi remembered her calling him something like Tetsuya. It was an older man of course... she seemed to have a thing for the old farts.

Tohma was dating as well... some girl named Mika. It turned out he was planning to meet her family that day. He seemed especially excited about meeting one of his girlfriend's younger brothers. Supposedly, the boy had been picked on in school due to his non-Japanese appearance.

As for Ryuichi... he had chosen to spend the day with his little sister and give his regards to his father. Though he had invited Akinori, the offer had been turned down when his lover found out the little girl would be there as well.

So now the two Sakuma siblings were walking down the main streets of Tokyo having the time of their lives. The vocalist knew that he was spoiling his sister, but she was so cute, he couldn't resist.

Plus, they wouldn't be able to see each other for another year. It was okay to spoil her every once in a while.

"You want them BOTH?! Oi, Kaida-chan! You're going send me to the states a very poor man!" Ryuichi lightly pinched the child's cheeks as the 'puppy eyes' were promptly turned on.

"Onegai? Pretty please? Kaida really, really like them na no da!" She gave her prettiest pout and the argument was won. The singer gave an exasperated sigh as he reached for his wallet once more.

"Okay, alright. You can have them." He quickly paid for the items requested and handed them to the toddler. Her arms full, she barely managed to hug her brother's legs in thanks.

Ryuichi grinned at the enthusiasm dancing in the child's eyes. He bent down until they were eyes level and glanced at the items in amusement.

"A blue bear and a pink rabbit, eh? What are their names, Kaida?" Bright blue eyes shone with delight at the question.

"The blue bear's name is Usagi-chan and the pink rabbit is Kumagorou." She proceeded to pull the red ribbons from her pigtails to tie one around the bear's head as a headband and the other around the rabbit's neck in a bowtie.

Ryuichi raised an eyebrow at his sister's choice of names.

"Um, Kaida-chan... shouldn't that be... reversed?" The vocalist was reluctant to correct the child, as he was afraid it might upset her.

"Iie, iie Onii-san! The reversing them would make them not as pretty! Naming them this way make them lots more pika pika, na no da!" The child didn't even hesitate in her answer. It was almost like she had named them long before she actually owned them.

"Pika pika, huh?" A smirk made its way to the singer's lips.

"Hai, hai, na no da! And see? Blue is Kaida's favorite color, so Usagi-chan is me, na no da!"

Ryuichi had a funny feeling about the other stuffed animal.

"Eh, so that would make Kumagorou...?"

"That's Onii-san, na no da!" The dancing blue eyes laughed as her brother processed the interesting piece of information. Ryuichi groaned mentally at the human-to-pushie pairing.

Kumagorou seemed to laugh at him too.

"Of course. I'm the pink bunny. Why didn't I figure that out already?" He tried to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, but he knew he'd failed when the toddler stopped laughing.

"Onii-san doesn't like it? He's angry with Kaida, na no da?" The sparkle disappeared from her eyes as they turned to a deeper shade of evergreen.

Ryuichi mentally put his foot in his mouth.

"Iie, I like it Kaida-chan! And I'm not angry at all!" He tried his best to reassure the child that he liked Kumagorou. She seemed to consider the idea for a moment before pushing the pink rabbit plushie into her brother's hand.

"If you like Kumagorou, than you should walk hand in hand with him, na no da! That way he won't be lonely, na no da!" Ryuichi could feel the sweat forming above his brow. It would not be a good thing for him to be recognized in downtown Tokyo carrying a stuffed animal.

But a second look at his little sister's face told him that he couldn't refuse.

And so, Kumagorou held Ryuichi's hand, Ryuichi held Kaida's hand, and Kaida held Usagi-chan's hand.

**Flashback #4:**

"Ah, Ryuichi! Nice of you to come by. Sit, sit! Have some tea. Let us talk." Ryuiji greeted his son as both of his children arrived at the Sakuma residence.

He made a gesture for the singer to take a seat across from him on the floor. A small floor table was set for two, meaning the father was planning on conversing with his son alone.

Kaida was sent to her room to play with her new toys and commanded sternly by the eldest Sakuma to behave and stay quiet. The child nodded in obedience and scurried away.

Ryuichi took the seat prepared for him and waited silently for his father to begin talking. The usually tanned and muscular man seemed to be a bit pale. The singer dismissed this as a sign of old age.

Ryuiji raised his tea to take a sip, removed it from his lips to gaze at the cup, and then set it back down on the table carefully. He seemed to be considering something very important in his mind. The vocalist watched his father intently, apprehension growing in the room.

Finally, the father made eye contact with his son, charcoal eyes dark with determination. Ryuichi held his breath as the silence was broken.

"Nice weather we're having, isn't it?" The pointless question astonished the singer. He had been expecting something a little more important than that.

"Uh, yeah... very nice." Ryuiji smiled calmly at his bewildered son before he continued.

"Did you know that beautiful weather comes just before a hurricane, Ryuichi? And in the midst of the storm, there is an eye. That eye can be as clear and beautiful as it is now, but you can't forget that the other half of the hurricane is yet to come. That is very important to know, my son. You would do well to remember that."

The vocalist nodded as if to say he understood, but in truth, the random piece of information puzzled him further. It obviously held some type of importance, but pertaining to what, he didn't know.

"So you will be leaving for the states tomorrow?" The elder man abruptly switched topics much to the dismay of his son. The last riddle still weighed on his mind and he wanted to know what his father had meant. Instead of pursuing though, he simply answered the new question.

"Hai, we'll be touring for an entire year, Otousan." The Grasper gave a curt nod in answer. The strange behavior from his father had him at a loss to say much more.

"Good, good. You have much talent. I'm sure you will do well." Ryuiji gave a nod of his own, letting his eyes wander away from his son's bewildered face.

"Hai, arigato Otousan." The compliment failed to warm the singer's heart, as it would have usually done. The bizarre change from one subject to the next seemed only to serve as a way to distance the son from the father.

"Well, I won't keep you any longer. I'm sure you have much to do before your departure." The elder Sakuma reached for his tea once more as he began his parting words.

"H-hai..." The vocalist stuttered his agreement but was immediately cut off by Ryuiji.

"Keep in touch. I'm sure Kaida will wish to hear from you often." And with that, Ryuichi had been dismissed.

Another moment of silence and he finally stood up to leave. As he reached the doorway, he paused one last time to steal a glance of his father.

Ryuiji was gazing at his son's retreating form with eyes full of emotion.

Emotions like...

Then they were averted to the wall before Ryuichi had a chance to analyze what the eyes held. Ryuichi bowed deeply in respect for his father.

"Sayonara, Otousan." He turned and left the room without another word spoken.

"Kaida-chan?" Ryuichi called the child's name softly before making his way into her bedroom.

Upon entering, he glanced around the room for the toddler. Instead, the sight of pink rabbit ears and a single beady eye peeking over the side of the bed caught his attention.

The uneasy expression that had settled into his eyes, a result of his short meeting with his father, melted away instantly. A familiar grin found its way across his face instead.

"Kumagorou is going to miss Ryu-chan, na no da." A comically high voice accompanied a nod from the plush toy. The vocalist stepped further into the room and crouched at the opposite side of the bed from where the voice came from.

"Ah, and I will miss you too Kumagorou. Almost as much as I'll miss Kaida-chan." Ryuichi played along with his sister's new game and answered the rabbit alone.

"Ryu-chan will miss Kaida lots more than Kumagorou?" The stuffed animal tilted its head to the side as the question was asked.

"Hai, I'm going to miss Kaida-chan the most!"

"Kaida will miss Onii-san the most too, na no da!" Dirty blonde hair peeked over the side of the bed to reveal the beaming face of the little girl.

"I have to leave soon, Kaida-chan. Come say goodbye to me." Ryuichi held his arms open to the toddler, who responded promptly to the gesture by leaping over the bed and into a tight hug.

The room remained still while the siblings embraced. The singer pulled away from the hug after a few more minutes and brushed the stray strands of hair away from the child's face. Her face held an expression more solemn than she had ever worn before.

She settled herself on her brother's knee with arms still around his neck. He smiled encouragingly at her, hoping to keep their goodbye as tearless as possible.

"Onii-san... will you remember Kaida when you leave?" The innocent question hurt Ryuichi more than having the child cry.

"Oh course! I would never forget you, Kaida-chan! How could you think I could ever forget my darling sister?" He gave her firm hug to reassure her.

"That makes Kaida happy. I love you, Onii-san."

"I love you too, Kaida-chan."

**Flashback #5:**

It was Nittle Grasper's eighth month in the United States. It was there that they had released their hit single, 'Be There.'

It was an amazing success. Rising to number four on the charts within the first seventy-two hours of its release, everyone congratulated themselves on a job well done.

They were currently on stage at Roxy Theatre in Hollywood, California. Their concert had sold out within a week of its sale.

Ryuichi was in seventh heaven. The stage was his universe, and at that moment, nothing else mattered more to him that the words he sang.

"**Help me, somebody help me!**

**But if you think I'm your burden**

**Then I'll say 'So long' and flee."**

The blinding lights hypnotized the vocalist with their rhythmic motion and changing colors.

_I should write a song about that._

"**Help me, somebody help me!"**

_This is where I want to be for the rest of my life._

"**I've come to a treacherous border"**

_I don't need anything else._

"I know it's time to say goodbye" 

_This is what I've been searching for._

"**But can you help me restore order"**

_Here is where I can shine._

"**Before we let our love die."**

_I don't want this feeling to end._

But the euphoria ended as the music died down. Ryuichi knew it would... it always did.

After the bows and a few waves, the members of Nittle Grasper retreated to their separate dressing rooms. Make-up artists and various workers rushed around him, prepping him for their next song.

Their voices reached his ears as a mere buzzing. He didn't even bother trying to listen to what they said. It was always the same.

Blah, blah, blah... you're the best.

Blah, blah, blah... that was great.

Blah, blah, blah... everyone loves your voice.

Blah, blah, blah... Nittle Grasper is unstoppable.

Blah, blah, blah... you're so sexy.

Blah, blah, blah... I want your body.

Yeah, it was the same shit... different day. He didn't really care to listen anymore since he had heard it all before.

At that moment, his cell phone rang. Rousing himself from his post-singing stupor, the vocalist automatically raised the device to his ear and pushed the 'talk' button.

"Sakuma here." Answering it with his usual greeting, he tuned out the noise around him. In the distance, he could hear his manager screaming at him to get off the phone cause it was time to get back on stage.

"Ryuichi? It's me." Identifying the caller immediately, Ryuichi grinned widely into the phone.

"Akinori! How are you, koi?"

"I miss you, Ryu-chan. It's lonely here without you."

"I know, I miss you too. But I'll be home in a few more months." The singer waved a hand at his manager, acknowledging the call to stage.

"That's too long... I want you here with me now. Can't you come and visit for a few days at least?"

"I can't, Aki... you know that. We're booked for either a performance or an interview every day for the next two weeks. And we never get more than one day off at a time." A small half-frown played over the boyish face.

This wasn't the first time that Akinori had called in the past eight month, begging Ryuichi to come home. And the vocalist gave the same response each time.

There was a deep sigh at the other end of the phone. Then a sad whisper.

"I miss you, Ryu-chan. I love you."

"I love you too, koibito. Listen, I have to go. I'm late going on stage." Ryuichi tried to wrap up the conversation with his lover.

Through his open door, e could see Noriko marching towards him in the distance. Within a few more seconds, she'd be right in front of him.

If he was not off the phone by then, she'd most likely drag him onto stage. She was a great believer in using force when necessary. Or maybe using force at every opportunity.

"Oh. Okay. Ja." The goodbye was spoken without much enthusiasm and Aki hung up before Ryuichi could respond. The singer deepened his frown and jabbed at the 'end' button with more strength than necessary.

It annoyed him to no end when his boyfriend went into one of his sullen moods.

But at that moment, he didn't have time to think about it. For Noriko had reached her destination and was in the motion of yanking him up by his hair.

"DID YOU NOT HEAR THE STAGE CALL, YOU MORON?!"

In the back of his mind, Ryuichi noted that the color of Noriko's face faintly resembled her hair. Thankfully, he was in too much pain to mention it out loud.

"ITAI, ITAI, ITAI!! Noriko-san! I hear you!" His arms flailing as he desperately waved his surrender, Ryuichi rose front the chair in great haste.

"We're late, thanks to you! Hayaku!" And with that, the two Graspers made their way to the stage.

There, Tohma gave a nod along with one of his amused grins. As Ryuichi walked past him, the keyboardist whispered something that made the singer roll his eyes.

"Let me guess... Ishikawa-san called? Lover's spat?" A soft chuckle accompanied the question. Ryuichi kept walking.

**Flashback #6:**

It was Nittle Grasper's final month in the United States. Having made a permanent mark in America's music history, they were at their final stretch of the tour. Preparations were already being made for the return trip home.

But before that could happen, they still had to perform their farewell concert in New York City at Madison Square Garden.

Tickets to the concert were once again sold out. It was two days before the concert and already fans were gathering at nearby hotels and clubs.

Indeed, Nittle Grasper's success in the states was no longer questioned. They had risen above the top American bands and stayed there.

"Oi, Sakuma-sama! You have a phone call on line one!" Sweet voice of their new Japanese intern called out the message across the studio.

Ryuichi raised an eyebrow at the announcement and made his way to the company phone. It was rare to have anyone call for him through the company number, and even rarer still that it would actually get through to him.

As far as he knew, all phone calls for Nittle Grasper were intercepted by the receptionist and never actually reach any of them.

Pushing the 'line one' button on the phone, he cleared his voice before answering.

"This is Sakuma Ryuichi." Nothing prepared him for the voice at the other end.

"Onii-san no baka! Kaida and Kumagorou miss you and you haven't called in forever, na no da! Don't you love us anymore?" The child's voice brought an enormous smile to the man's face as he decided how to answer his little sister.

"Huh? Who are Kaida and Kumagorou? Do I know you? Are you a fan?" He could hear the child pout at his teasing.

"Onii-san you meanie! It's not nice to tease us like that, na no da! We called to say we missed you so you can't pick on us, ne Kumagorou?" There was a pause and sounds of shuffling as the 'speaker' changed.

"Hai, hai! Ryu-chan can't be mean to Kaida! Kaida misses him lots and lots, na no da!" The high-pitched voice reprimanded the singer as he gave a low chuckle.

"Oh! Now I remember Kaida and Kumagorou! How is my darling imouto?" Ryuichi decided to end his teasing and grinned at the enthusiastic response.

"Kaida is fine, fine, na no da! Kumagorou and Usagi-chan keep her company. Demo, it's not as pika pika here without Onii-san, na no da! Even Otousan says he misses you!"

The vocalist choked on his Ramuné soda at the last comment. To think, even the old man missed his presence in Japan.

He gave a snort of amusement at the thought.

"How is he doing, Kaida-chan?"

"Otousan? Well, he's been a little sick lately. Demo, he went to the doctor last week. He said the sensei told him nothing was wrong and not to worry. He has some medicines to take, so I guess Otousan will be better soon."

Ryuichi frowned at the news of his sick father. The eldest Sakuma had never been sick a day of his life... until now that is.

It concerned the singer to hear news that his father was ill at his age. Ryuiji was approaching sixty, and it was well known that elderly people didn't heal as fast.

"Does Otousan look any better now that he had the medication?"

"Uh, I guess so. I can't really tell, na no da. He always says he's okay, demo he always says that, ne Onii-san?" Ryuichi burst out laughing at his sister last comment.

"Yeah, that's Otousan for you. Well, tell him to get better real soon, okay Kaida-chan?"

"Okay, na no da! Kumagorou misses you Onii-san! He asks if you'll play with him when you come back." The childish voice was full of hope at the veiled request.

Ryuichi smiled, imagining himself playing with the stuffed rabbit.

"Tell Kumagorou that I will."

"You promise, na no da?"

"I promise... na no da." The vocalist added the last phrase as an afterthought, causing the little girl at the other end to giggle.

"Okays! Ja ne, Onii-san!"

"Ja, Kaida-chan. Be good."

"Kaida is always good, na no da!"

**Flashback #7:**

"**They touch, although with icy fingertips illuminated by the frozen moon."**

This was it.

"**My flawed heart still embraces the night, even as it burn out."**

They were doing the last song of their final concert in the United States.

"**That feeling that glittered off in the distance for a split-second- If it's love, I'll try for that vision."**

The members of Nittle Grasper were high.

"**The light is freed and falls through the sky, sacrificing its warmth only for hope."**

It wasn't a drug or alcohol induced high.

"**The flame that's born of dying stars burns on in this, my final dream."**

No, it was a purely musical high.

"**If the sin that falls and covers everything turns to kindness, and if a thorn could become a smile."**

Ryuichi could feel the hypnotic energy crash around him in waves of pure exhilaration.

"**Like the unheard scream of a flower before it falls,"**

The screaming of fans had dulled to a distorted roar that barely reached his ears.

"**The pain that searches for the fragility of a prayer stirs the period when the two of us met."**

There was nothing beyond the music anymore. Nothing at all.

"**The grief and the light are swallowed up by the waves, and in the midst of all this pain, you awaken."**

Surrendering his body to the music, he was just another instrument.

"**This bond that could be created because we were hurt is beginning to paint over the loneliness."**

The music stopped suddenly as the stage went dark. This was the climax of the song.

"**Pouring my life into this; with whatever wings you have left- I'm begging you, please wrap me up in them."**

The lights flashed back on, and there was Ryuichi at the edge of the stage with his shirt torn to shreds. It was done in an artistic fashion that revealed just enough to make the fan girls swoon.

"**The light again falls through the sky, sacrificing its warmth only for hope."**

Ryuichi dropped to his knees for the dramatic end. Tohma and Noriko took the cue to hold the last chord for an extra painstakingly slow second.

"**This mistake caves in and comes to an end, and my final dream continues on."**

The final notes were played, music silenced, and lights cut off completely.

Judging by the crowd, the concert was a complete success. The applause and cheers were deafening to the human ear.

After final bows and goodbyes, the set of Nittle Grasper retired backstage.

Noriko fairly bounced there as her eyes sparkled with glee. Tohma had broken out of his usual polite smile and was laughing heartily with the stage crew.

Ryuichi just started stripping.

Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare.

Noriko cleared her throat noisily to catch his attention while Tohma merely raise an eyebrow in amusement.

Ryuichi paused for a second before raising his own eyebrows in confusion.

"Huh? Nani? Why is everyone staring at me?"

"Hmm... let's see. Maybe cause you're stripping in public?" That sarcastic remark came from the ever-critical Noriko.

"I'm only taking off the ripped clothes! It's not like I'm getting naked!" Ryuichi tried his best to defend himself, as he turned crimson from all the attention.

"Eh, well maybe it's a good idea to wait until you get to your dressing room, Ryu. The cameras are still rolling and you have one focused right on you at this moment." Tohma covered his mouth as he said this, trying desperately not to laugh at his friend.

Ryuichi blushed even more at that realization and hurried to his dressing room. He'd forgotten about the stupid camera. And whatever shots the film had captured would most likely be aired over international television the next day.

For this concert had been a part of the International Music Festival. Nittle Grasper had received the honor of being the final act. And they happened to be very liberal with their editing... not much was censored out.

Ryuichi groaned as he imagined everyone he knew in Japan seeing him begin to strip down in front of the camera.

**Flashback #8:**

It was a relief to be getting off the plane. Even flying first class on a direct flight didn't hide the fact that it was still spending half a day inside an oversized metal bird.

Ryuichi didn't even bother checking to see if he had all his bags... he knew someone else would get them. His manager perhaps, or maybe even one of the interns. It didn't matter. Sakuma Ryuichi wasn't to be bothered with menial tasks such as luggage pickup.

Yes, there were much more important things on the singer's mind at this point.

Like who be greeting him when he got off the plane.

He wasn't sure whom to expect. When he tried to contact his family, there was no answer and the same happened when he called his boyfriend.

Sure, there would be the media, some suites from Crown Records, and countless fans. But all in all, Ryuichi could've cared less if any of the above showed or not. They weren't the ones important to him.

At all.

Walking briskly down the passage connecting the plane to the terminal, the vocalist left his fellow band mates far behind. His bodyguard jogged to keep up with him.

Entering the terminal, bright light and hoards of people rushed to meet him. He rewarded them with complete silence as his eyes scanned the crowd for a familiar face.

After several minutes, he came up empty. The singer's heart sank as he realized that no one he cared about had bothered to come and meet him.

A few minutes later, the crowd had been cleared by airport security and there was only the crew Nittle Grasper and executives of Crown Records remaining.

Ryuichi frowned as his searching gaze fell to the floor in disappointment.

Suddenly, the busy airport seemed too lonely and quiet for him.

Not removing his eyes from the grimy tile floors, the Grasper walked silently towards the exit where a limousine was waiting.

Due to his lack to attention to what was in front of him, the singer's body collided with one that was in front of him.

"Itai! Oh, gomen ne mister! It was my fault! I wasn't paying atten-" The singer's apology was cut short and the person interrupted.

"Heh, you should be sorry... Ryu-chan." The blue eyes widened in disbelief, as he froze in mid-bow. This voice was definitely familiar.

As the blue eyes rose to meet the speaker's, a smile bloomed across the vocalist's face.

"Aki-chan! You came! You, you... JERK!! Where have you been?!" The excitement turned into a vengeful growl as Ryuichi remembered the fact his lover had been nowhere to be seen initially.

Akinori simply rolled his eyes at the mood swing. Leaning forward to place a soft kiss on his lover's lips, he whispered his explanation calmly.

"Baka... how did you expect me to get past the psychotic media and rabid fans?"

"Oh. Ahhhh..." Understanding dawn on the Grasper's face as he began to blush at his first assumption. The taller man just nodded wisely with a triumphant smirk.

Trying to recover from his mistake, the singer changed the subject.

"If you're here, are Kaida-chan and Otousan around here somewhere too?" The hopeful expression died from the vocalist's eyes as his lover frowned. Akinori visibly flinched at the mention of the singer's family.

Ryuichi uncoiled his arms from around the taller man and took a step backwards. The look in his boyfriend's eyes scared him. It was dark and foreboding.

Something was wrong.

Something bad.

Inside twisting in fear of what the news would be, the Grasper began to tremble from head to foot.

"Aki...? Nani...? What happened? Where are they?" Voice hoarse and ragged from apprehension, the singer held his breathe as he waited for an answer.

Akinori averted his eyes from his lover's pained expression.

"Ryuichi... your father... he's sick. Very sick. He hid it from you and Kaida... and now...." Akinori discontinued his sentence as he raised his eyes once more to his lover's face. He tried to step toward the smaller man and reached out to give comfort, but was unsuccessful.

The vocalist shivered and jerked away from the invasive hands. Akinori pulled away from his trembling lover as soon as he saw the defensive gesture.

Ryuichi could feel the edge of his vision begin to haze over as his body turned numb from shock.

Inside his mind, he felt as if he were watching a remotely interesting movie. His thoughts held no trace of the anguish and despair his body suffered.

Instead, a calm and unemotional sense of rationale took over his thoughts. It was as if his mind and his body were no longer connected to each other.

Without blinking an eye, the singer asked one last question through his cracking voice.

"Is it too late to save Otousan?" The blue-green eyes became glassy, as his lover remained silent.

Akinori's bit his lower lip, mentally running through his list of ways to tell the rock star the truth.

"Ryuichi, your father had cancer. Really bad cancer. He waited too long."

TBC...

Phew, I'm finally done... more details on Ryuiji's illness in the next chapter. And hopefully, the next chapter will wrap up Ryuichi's nightmare. Be warned, this is only the beginning. Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter... let me know! REVIEW!!


	16. When Angels Deserve to Die

Ah! And here it is... the final part of Ryuichi's nightmare... kind of. There has been an unscheduled detour thrown into the mix, so I had to change my plans and make a few adjustments. Many of your guesses were close to what I had planned, and now you will see how close. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

In the next chapter, I will be returning to present day. This will make all you Yuki fans quite happy, methinks. Not sure exactly how much will be Yuki-centric, but you'll only know when I update, ne?

Arigato for your many reviews! They really motivated me to make this chapter extra special. I feel so bad for Ryuichi... poor guy!

**Disclaimer: Insert standard Gravitation disclaimer here.**

_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts_

_**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**_

**Chapter 16: When Angels Deserve to Die**

**Flashback #9:**

The sharp scent of disinfectants burned Ryuichi's nostrils as he stepped inside his father's home. First glance revealed various equipment needed for in-home care. He could recognize heart monitor against the wall.

The house was impeccably cleaned. Not a speck of dust or dirt was visible. Only bottles of medicine and medical supplies cluttered the counters and tables.

Sterile... that was the first word that came to mind when entering the house. It wasn't warm and pleasant anymore. Only necessary items were left. It was cold and sparse... like a hospital.

A reassuring hand grasped the singer's shoulder as he took in the new appearance of the house. Pulling his eyes away from his surroundings, Ryuichi looked to his lover.

Akinori nodded encouragingly. He understood how hard it was to accept the inevitable. How painful it would be to approach the dying Sakuma.

Ryuichi closed his eyes momentarily, remembering the words his boyfriend had told him.

_"He has Hodgkin's Disease. It's fairly rare._

_He found out about two years ago, but chose to keep it a secret. He didn't want to worry you and Kaida._

_The doctors gave him some type of medication and a few sessions of radiation therapy._

_Up until a year ago, he was in remission._

_They thought he'd be okay, but it came back... worse than before._

_By then the cancer had spread from his lymph nodes to his major organs._

_After he found out it spread, he didn't bother getting treated anymore._

_He told us only last month, and made everyone promise not to tell you._

_Gomen ne, Ryuichi... the doctors said has almost no chance of survival._

_The focus is on quality of life, not longevity."_

The eyes opened, and Ryuichi marched forward, determination set in his mind.

_Screw the doctors! Otousan is stronger than that! He can beat this._

But the Grasper's resolve faded as he stepped inside his father's bedroom.

Ryuiji lay in his bed sleeping. His tanned and muscular frame had shrunk to skin and bones. His skin was so pale; it had a gray tinge to it.

Thin tubes of fluid flowed into his arm intravenously from a clear bag of liquid hanging from nearby pole. His arms were bruised from multiple needle punctures.

Ryuichi forced himself to look at the man in the bed. It was difficult for him to associate this man as the same one he said goodbye to twelve months ago.

He felt his strength leave him with every passing second. Without even noticing, his body began to shake uncontrollably as tremors took over. He was in shock.

Akinori wrapped an arm around the singer to pull him into an embrace. Ryuichi fell into the arms, unable to resist and unable to support himself any longer.

The singer could hear two different thoughts inside his mind. One was emotionless and detached. It merely observed the situation and commented coldly on the basic facts.

_**It's too late for him. Nothing can save him now.**_

The other voice scream in horror at the sight and argue viciously with the first voice.

_**NONONONONONONONO!!! This isn't real! It can't be happening! He has to live!**_

Ryuichi's pulse quickened at the internal battle of his thoughts. His felt his body struggle to contain the emotions inside. The thoughts made his head spin as reality collided with desperation.

Akinori seemed to sense his lover's suffering and held the vocalist even tighter and closer.

"I know, Ryu. It's okay. Hey, don't cry. It's alright." The taller man's soothing voice pushed aside the raging thoughts.

Ryuichi sniffed quietly as he raised a hand to wipe his face. He was distantly surprised to see the wetness flowing from his eyes... he never cried.

Burying his face in Akinori's chest, the singer muffled his sorrow.

"Are you going to cry like that all day, Ryuichi? Or are you going pay your respects to me?" The deep voice caused the Grasper's eyes to fly open and spin toward the bed.

"Otousan! You're awake! How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Do you want me to call the doctor?" The elder Sakuma gave a soft chuckle at his son's questions as he answered.

"Hai, I am awake, I'm fine, some tea would be nice, and I'd sooner dig my own grave than see that doctor again." Ryuichi rushed to his father's side as he motioned for Akinori to bring tea.

"Otousan... doushite? Why didn't you tell me?" Ryuiji laid a bony hand atop his son's head as the singer knelt beside the bed.

"Because I didn't want to hurt you before I had to. I knew how you would react... and your mother has only been gone for a few years now." The old eyes saddened with regret at the mention of his wife.

"Otousan...." The singer blinked away the tears threatening to form as he tried his best to fake a smile for his father's benefit. The old man shook his head.

"Iie, Ryuichi. You don't have to smile for me anymore. There's no point in pretending to be happy. Reality has to catch up with us sooner or later."

The son nodded slowly as a single tear betrayed his emotions. He didn't trust his voice, therefore chose to remain silent. The elder Sakuma continued.

"I don't know how much time I have left... however long it may be, it won't be very long. I told the annoying doctors to stop harassing me about treatment. I want to enjoy the time I have left, not to be bothered with therapy."

The singer nodded again, finally accepting the inevitable.

"I understand, Otousan. If that is what you want, I can only respect your wishes." Ryuiji smiled gently at his eldest child with pride shining brightly in his eyes.

"I am so proud of you Ryuichi. I know I don't say it very often, but your achievements have made me honored to be your father. You've grown into a strong, intelligent man."

The rare words of praise brought a small grin to the vocalist's face as he sniffed away his tears.

"Arigato Otousan, demo it's all thanks to you. I never would've made it this far without you being there for me." Ryuiji snorted at the compliment.

"Hmph! You would have made it this far, regardless! You're a strong willed man, Ryuichi. Nothing can hold you down. No matter the circumstances, you always be in a winning position." The Grasper gave a lopsided smirk at the comment.

"Maybe, demo you helped me anyway." Ryuiji rolled his eyes and gave a small shrug.

"I did what I could."

"And that was more than enough, Otousan. Arigato." The eldest Sakuma gave a nod of acknowledgement to his son.

He shifted his gaze to the window where the sun was beginning to set across the horizon. The evening sun cast elongated shadows across the meticulously landscaped yard.

"Ryuichi, there is another matter I wish to discuss with you. It's in regard to Kaida." Ryuiji turned once again to face his son with his eyes dark with sadness. The singer gave a brief nod, preparing himself for what was to come.

"When I am gone, she will need to be taken care of. And the most likely choice would be you. However, that is not my wish." Ryuichi breathed in sharply at the statement.

"Doushite? Why not, Otousan? I can take care of her!" Confusion twisted the Grasper's features as he began to protest.

The older man raised a hand to silence the argument.

"Iie. It's not that I doubt your ability to care for your sister, Ryuichi. It's the fact that you have your own life to live. And I want you to live it." The vocalist froze as realization swept through him.

He couldn't take care of Kaida if he wasn't able to be there for her at all times. And as a celebrity, he was never at one place for long.

Ryuichi clenched his fists as he struggled with the truth. He finally understood what was at stake... his family or his career.

Before he could come to a decision, his father interrupted his thoughts.

"I don't want you to give up your dreams. It wouldn't be fair to you. Therefore I have come to a decision... I have discussed this with Ishikawa-san already, and he has agreed to it. He will become Kaida's legal guardian."

Ryuichi turned sharply towards his father at the words, shocked into speechlessness. Ryuiji continued without taking notice of his son's reaction.

"I trust him. He will take good care of her. And in that way, she will never be too far from you either." The vocalist wore an expression torn between dismay and relief.

Dismay at the fact he wouldn't be the one Kaida was to be entrusted to. Relief that the one who would be was none other than his own boyfriend.

Ryuiji allowed his son a few more minutes to digest the news. It hadn't been an easy decision, but it was the best route to take.

Not only did it prevent his son from having to make a heartbreaking decision, but also gave his blessing to the two lovers in a way.

Finally, Ryuichi nodded in agreement to the arrangements made by his father.

"Alright Otousan, if that's how you want it to be, I won't object." Ryuiji smiled gently at his son. Placing his hands on the singer's shoulders, the man spoke once more.

"Gomen ne, Ryuichi. I'm sorry for making you and Kaida suffer. Both of you have made me a proud father. It grieves me to know I won't be here to share your accomplishments, but no matter what, I want you to succeed."

Ryuichi's eyes glistened with tears at his father's words. Heart swelling with sorrow, burning droplets fell down his cheeks.

"I know Otousan, I know."

**Flashback #10:**

"Onii-san... what's wrong with Otousan? Why doesn't he want to play with Kaida anymore, na no da?" The sweet voice broke through the invisible barriers the singer had erected in the past few days since learning of his father's illness.

Ryuichi raised his eyes from the ground slowly to meet the child's. Every time he looked at his sister, he always felt as if a ray of sunshine had washed through his body. She was the essence of light itself. An incarnation of an angel.

And yet, she had been smiling less and less as of late. She was a precocious child: keenly observant and perceptive. Nothing could get past her.

Nothing at all... especially something so blatantly obvious as their father's illness. As much as they might try to hide it from her, it was very probable that she already knew.

"Kaida-chan... Otousan doesn't feel good right now. If you like, I'll play with you." Ryuichi tried his best to smile reassuringly at the little girl.

Tilting her head to the side, she seemed to consider the offer for a moment before nodding in acceptance. Usagi-chan and Kumagorou in her arms, she led the way to her bedroom with the vocalist following closely behind.

After a few minutes of setting up a tea party, the child paused her activities and became motionless. Scrutinizing her behavior, the singer brought his eyebrows together in concern for the sudden silence.

"Kaida-chan...?" The little girl became animated once more and made her way to Ryuichi's side. Upon reaching him, she settled herself in his lap with arms around his neck.

"Onii-san, Otousan is sick, ne?" The Grasper felt his heart contract at the sadness in his sister's voice. He could barely make out a reply.

"H-hai, Kaida-chan." Another thoughtful look along with a faint line of worry appeared across the child's face.

"Otousan is not just sick, ne? He's BAD SICK, na no da." It had turned from a question to a statement. Ryuichi felt his heart break with each passing second. She knew.

"Hai, he's bad sick. How did you know, Kaida-chan?" The toddler buried her face in her brother's chest, and a muffled sob could be heard as she responded.

"B-because, Onii-san... he doesn't shine anymore! Otousan isn't pika pika anymore!" Ryuichi held the hysterical child as she released her emotions of sorrow for the first time.

Fighting back tears of his own, he rocked his little sister comfortingly. Inside his own heart, pieces of a fragile dream shattered silently.

**Flashback #11:**

Tests results from Ryuji's CAT scan were in. Final diagnosis showed rapid deterioration in his liver, lungs, and heart. His immune system was all but nonexistent.

There was less than thirty percent chance of surviving for more than six months.

Akinori was there with Ryuichi when the prognosis had been announced.

Ryuichi held in his anguish for his father's sake, but when he left, Akinori was the one who had to hold him while he cried.

"Aki... it can't be! How can this be? I can't believe it... I don't want to!" His body shook convulsively as sobs came flooding from the singer. Akinori just held him, whispering words of consolation.

"I know, koi, I know. You can cry now... you don't have to hide it anymore. Go ahead, let it out." The soothing tenor calmed the vocalist the slightest bit. Looking up into the chocolate brown eyes full of love and compassion, Ryuichi made one wish.

"Aki... I want it to go away... all the pain... I can't take it anymore. It hurts too much. I don't think- I'm not strong enough. I wish it would all end."

**Flashback #12:**

The lead vocalist of Nittle Grasper projected his voice across the concert hall with a sound akin to that of a crashing wave. The darkened building only served to magnify his words. It seemed as if even the audience was still, entrance by the devastatingly beautiful crescendo of notes and vocals.

**"Time is nothing compared to the love you've obtained**

**Don't let it hold you back from me**

**Fight the battles within your lonely heart**

**Reach out for eternity... for me!"**

Another successful concert, another musical high, and yet when it was all over, Ryuichi could feel the ache return inside his chest.

Taking his final bow and walking off stage despondently, he ignored the screams for an encore without a second glance at the audience. Tohma and Noriko hurried to follow him after exchanging a quick look of worry between them.

Normally, their singer lived for encores. But as of late, it seemed as though Ryuichi was merely going through the motions of being an idol.

The motivation was gone, and in turn, Nittle Grasper was beginning to suffer. Their new album originally due to be released four days ago, had been postponed. Two tracks had yet to be completed in the recording studio as well as lyrics to one song was missing.

The news of Sakuma Ryuiji's illness had shocked everyone. And as understanding as they tried to be, Crown Records was beginning to lose their patience.

Sales had dropped and Nittle Grasper was far behind schedule. Even to the point of canceling a tour of Japan and five concerts, the executive were becoming agitated.

Ryuichi merely shrugged it off. He seemed to have lost his passion for everything these days. His father's illness had worn him down.

Wiping his face with a towel one of the interns handed to him, the singer collapsed into a folding chair. Noriko frowned at the vocalist while Tohma assessed the situation with cool contempt. Yes, even his band mates were losing their cool.

And yet, they didn't have the heart to harass Ryuichi about it. Noriko sighed deeply and turn to leave with a shrug while Tohma raised a single eyebrow and followed.

Slouching further into the metal chair, Ryuichi resisted the urge to look up at his colleagues. It was better to have them think he didn't care anymore and dropping from the top wasn't important to him.

But that wasn't the truth. He did care. And it was important to him.

It was just so hard for him to perform on-stage, pretending that he was the same carefree star as before when in reality, his world was falling apart.

The perfect dream had been broken and all that was left was a few shattered pieces.

He was a performer though. And he was a professional at this game. A game where you pretend to feel things that aren't real.

With much effort, he rose from the chair and trudged to his dressing room. A rapidly flashing light from his dresser caught his attention immediately. In just a few short strides, the singer reached the origin of the light and snatched the item up hastily.

It was his cell phone. And on it was a brief text message that chilled the vocalist to his bones.

"_**I've come to a treacherous border... I know it's time to say goodbye."**_

It was a piece of the lyrics to "Be There." It wasn't a threat. But for some strange reason, a sense of foreboding swept through Ryuichi's body at the message.

Scrolling down, he could see the caller unidentified. This only added to the singer's confusion. What could this bizarre message mean and who was it from?

Anxiety set in as he tried to figure out his next actions. Dialing his father's number quickly, he waited for an answer. He only got a busy signal. A glance at his watch showed the time to be 11:49pm... far too late for anyone at home to be using the phone.

Jabbing the end button, he dialed again, this time Akinori's cell number. Again there was no answer, only the sound of the voicemail activating.

With a sharp intake of air, the Grasper spun around to face the doorway and stormed out of his dressing room. Just outside, Noriko stopped him by grabbing his arm.

"And where the hell are you going in such a hurry?" The usually sweet voice was laced with ice and barely masked anger. Ryuichi ignored the tone and snatched his arm from the tight grasp.

"Home. I have some business to take care of." The reply came out sharply, without room for questions or arguments. The vocalist marched steadily to the exit leaving Noriko frowning in disgust at her friend's attitude.

Watching the scene from a short distance away, Tohma approaching the lavender-haired Grasper.

"So where's he going now?" The male keyboardist no longer wore his trademark smile.

"He said home. Something about business to take care of. He's becoming impossible to work with, Tohma." The complaint was accompanied by a growl of frustration. The blonde man nodded in agreement.

"Hai, demo we have to cut him some slack. You know he's having a hard time." Noriko shook her head with impatience.

"Yeah? Well, I'm sick of his attitude. He has no right to take it out on us." Another nod from the blonde.

"Ah, well... maybe you need to tell him that." Noriko turned suddenly to face Tohma. Hands on her hips, she smirked.

"Heh, maybe I will. Right now." Marching towards the door Ryuichi had gone through just minutes before, the woman left without another word or explanation.

**Flashback #13:**

Something wasn't right.

Ryuichi could feel it in the air as he stepped through the front door of his father's home. Alarms shrilled through his heads at the obvious wrongness.

First, the door had been unlocked. The front door was never unlocked.

Second, there were absolutely no lights on in the house. For Kaida's sake, a few lights were always left on at night.

Third, 'Be There' was being played softly from the living room entertainment system. That was the only sign of movement in the entire house.

Everything else was still.

Kicking off his shoes quickly, the singer crept silently into the dark home. Approaching his father's bedroom, he called out.

"Otousan? Are you here?" There was no answer. A peek inside the room made it apparent that it was empty. Turning swiftly, he raced towards his sister's room.

"Kaida-chan? Where are you?" Again there was no answer and her room was as empty as the first. Running again, Ryuichi made his way to his lover's bedroom, formerly his own. There was nobody there either.

Heartbeat quickening, the vocalist methodically went from room to room to come up empty.

And then he stopped. There was one room he had neglected to check. The music room.

Ryuiji had made the music room an addition only a couple years ago. Usually referred to as the 'chaos room,' it was rarely used except by Ryuichi. It was where he wrote lyrics and could practice singing as loud as he wanted. After all, it was soundproof.

Hand clammy with apprehension, he stepped toward the door and turned the knob.

The stench of blood brought a wave of nausea crashing through his body. Bile rising in his throat, he gagged as he covered his mouth and nose.

Blood. Everywhere. The pure white walls had been painted in the crimson fluid. It was as if a kid had gone crazy with a bucket of red paint.

And then his eyes settled on the motionless bodies lying sprawled across the floor like broken dolls.

Ryuiji, with his eyes still wide open in terror and mouth gaping in shock. Blood forming a puddle around his body and dripping from countless wounds. His neck was at an impossible angle and his crushed hand seemed to still be reaching out for his daughter.

Kaida, her fragile body limp beside their father's with blood still pouring from an open wound across her chest. Brilliant red streaked her cheeks, mimicking a warped face paint design. Her hand was still clutching her beloved Usagi-chan. The blue bear had suffered a torn arm and a missing ear as well as being drenched in its owner's life.

And Akinori, curled into a wilted ball with clothes ripped and stained in blood. His hands were bleeding as if he had tried to claw at his assailant until his fingers were raw. His throat had small purple bruises blooming from when the attacker had choked him.

Ryuichi's mind went blank at the sight of his loved ones broken across the floor.

Then he screamed.

An eerie wailed that shook the walls and made him drop to his knees.

**The Nightmare: End Flashbacks**

**Back to Present at Ryuichi's Home**

Ryuichi let out a deep shuddering breath as he finished his story. Dropping his head into his arms, the singer continued to breathe heavily as nostalgia drained him.

Shuichi gawked at his lover, wide-eyed and shocked by the narrative. His pulse raced as his feeling overwhelmed him. The truth left him with so many mixed emotions... hurt, sadness, compassion, anger, and so much more.

Noriko narrowed her eyes slightly as she watched her fellow Grasper warily. Crossing her arm, she leaned forward in her seat to close some of the distance between Ryuichi and herself.

"Ryuichi? Nani...?" Concern laced the inquiry as the brown eyes darkened. The man remained unmoving and silent for another long moment before raising his head to return the gaze.

He knew what she was asking. He knew why she had that look on her face. And he knew she deserved an answer.

"It's fine, Noriko. That's the end." Surprise flashed through her eyes for just an instant, but it was gone almost immediately. A curt nod from the lavender-haired woman conveyed understanding.

Meanwhile, Shuichi remained oblivious to the exchange. He was staring at the pale blue walls, still stunned at the revelations shared within the past two hours.

Without even noticing, tears had formed inside his eyelids and were threatening to fall at any moment.

_Oh, Kami-sama... doushite? Why did this have to happen to him? Why is it that everyone I love has been hurt so badly before? He didn't deserve this... so why?_

The tears fell, leaving burning trails of saltwater running down his cheeks.

_Ryuichi... gomen ne, Ryuichi. I'm sorry you had to suffer so. Ryuichi..._

Remembering his lover made him break off his thoughts abruptly. Turning to face the older man, he smiled sadly and his boyfriend.

Feeling the boy's gaze, the male Grasper turned and returned the heartbreakingly bittersweet expression. Seeing the tears, Ryuichi raised a hand to gently brush them away. Tilting his forehead until it touched with Shuichi's, he whispered softly.

"Don't cry, Shuichi. I didn't tell you this to make you sad. And I didn't do it to make you feel sorry for me either. I told you so I wasn't hiding anything from you anymore. Don't cry, koibito." Wrapping his arms around the boy's slender waist, Ryuichi pulled his lover into a comforting embrace.

Shuichi fell willingly into his boyfriend's arms. Hugging him back with renewed vigor, the younger singer managed to choke out an incoherent jumble of words.

"Ryuichi... I never knew... I-I can't... it shouldn't have happened... gomen ne... I was so selfish... didn't know... how bad... I have no right... gomen ne, Ryuichi... too cruel... it's not fair!" The blue-eyed man remained quiet as he buried his face in the pink hair.

Closing his eyes and breathing in the scent of the herbal shampoo preferred by both singers, he stroked the soft hairs above the boy's neck.

Just doing something as simple as that calmed Ryuichi's nerves faster than any sedative. Just being near Shuichi made the world seem okay again.

Even if it was only an illusion, it didn't matter. Ryuichi preferred this illusion to any reality he had ever known.

Because beyond the illusion, there was only a dream world spun of glass.

A dream world that could shatter at any given moment.

And once it shattered, the pieces were nothing but dangerous shards of reality.

Holding on tightly to his illusion of happiness, Ryuichi rocked his lover until Shuichi closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

Just like he used to do for Kaida.

**Later**

After tucking the pink-haired boy into bed, Ryuichi brushed his lips across his lover's in the lightest of butterfly kisses. One last glance assured him that Bad Luck's vocalist was indeed sound asleep.

Closing the door softly, the Grasper walked softly into the living room where Noriko was still waiting.

Rising from her seat, the lavender-haired woman met her friend halfway until they fell into each other's arms in a desperate embrace.

Noriko gave a hitched sob that became muffled as she smothered her face in Ryuichi's shoulder. The vocalist trembled slightly as he finally began to release all the emotions he had hidden during his reminiscing.

Withdrawing her face from the singer's shoulder, the female keyboardist looked deeply into her friend's eyes.

"Ryuichi... I knew it was too soon."

The male shook his head, pain etched deeply in his features.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. The truth is a heavy burden to bear, and trying to hold all my burdens would break him."

"Are you trying to protect him, Ryu??" She brushed aside some stray lavender hairs away from her face.

"Yeah, I want to protect him more than anything else in the world. Demo..." He hesitated to continue, eyes darkening to an opaque hue of evergreen.

"But what?" Noriko prodded the singer to continue.

"I'm selfish... maybe that's why I told him this much in the first place. Cause I wanted him to be linked to me in some way. And it's cruel of me, I know. I shouldn't have- not for those reasons... but I needed to. I wanted to." Ryuichi averted his eyes so that they no longer made contact with the woman's.

"Do you need him... want him that badly? Is he that important to you?" The question held no malice, and yet they still made the vocalist flinch.

"Shuichi is... the most important person in my life. I'm afraid to lose him." Noriko paused to think for a moment, eyebrows crinkled in concern.

"If he's the most important person in your life, then why are you holding back?" Another long moment passed after Noriko's question before Ryuichi found his voice to answer.

"I'm afraid... how can I tell him...?" He stopped, unable to articulate his fear.

Noriko sighed heavily, torn at her fellow Grasper's dilemma.

"I see... you think he's going to change his mind after you tell him? Is that it?"

Ryuichi bowed his head, agreeing without words. Withdrawing from his friend's arms, the singer dropped himself onto the couch.

Turning his head towards the bedroom door where Shuichi lay sleeping, the vocalist gave a barely perceptible nod.

Noriko followed the direction of the man's view and sighed once again. Settling herself beside the singer, she raised her hand to try and rub away a growing tension headache.

"I don't know what to say, Ryu. I never thought this was a good idea in the first place. I was against it from the beginning. It's too risky. For Nittle Grasper, for Shuichi, and most importantly- for you."

Ryuichi leaned over and buried his face in his arms. He seemed to be tuning the keyboardist's voice out since there was absolutely no indication that he had heard her words.

"Ryuichi? Did you hear me?" Still no answer from the vocalist.

Noriko frowned slightly at being ignored. Rising to her feet with hands on hips, she tried one last time.

"Ryu? Hmph! I guess this is your way of saying this conversation is over, ne?"

She sighed in exasperation. Bending down to embrace her friend one last time, Noriko turned and headed for the door.

A soft click was heard as she locked the door with her spare key. The faint echo of footsteps was the last trace of the keyboardist.

Ryuichi had heard her. He had even listened. But he didn't want to.

Everyone seemed to have come to a consensus that the truth should never be spoken of ever again. And they were right. It was for good of all parties involved.

That's why Ryuichi had finished telling his story.

And yet he had to wonder... how would his story end?

Standing up suddenly, the singer made his way to the bedroom and opened the door. Peaking in, he could see his beloved sleeping deeply as a whispery intake of breath proved.

Smiling at the sight, his heart tightened painfully as he heard a muffled moan.

"Ryu... ki." Not knowing whether to be happy or depressed that his boyfriend was calling out a mixed name in his dream, Ryuichi settled for closing the door again.

Sitting against the door, the vocalist closed his eyes as a single thought rang through his head.

_That wasn't the end._

TBC...

Arigato minna! Your comments and feedback made me laugh and smile! I truly and deeply appreciate each and every one of your e-mails and reviews.

Gomen ne minna for the delay in updating. I have honestly been so busy lately that I have very little free time. Plus, there were a few instances that I THOUGHT I was done with the chapter, but then I had to add more due to a few brainstorms. Yeah, so that happened several times and made this chapter go from eight pages up to fifteen.

ONEGAI REVIEW!! ONEGAI REVIEW!! ONEGAI REVIEW!! All reviewers are adored! If you have any question that you want answered for real, than e-mail me or leave your e-mail on your review. I PROMISE to send you an e-mail if you ASK!


	17. Give Me Something to Believe

GOMEN NASAI MINNA! Waaahh! I am really and truly sorry for not updating in such a long time… I never meant to take so long! Demo, I've been caught up with a lot of things… my job, my car, and pending move… I know my readers don't care to listen to my excuses, but I do hope that all of you will accept my apology.

Unfortunately, the above-mentioned things are still occupying my time, thus updates will remain limited. My apologies for any delays on updates in the future.

If any of you ever feel like just bothering me or sending me questions, comments, etc. without having to review, feel free to e-mail me anytime. Those along with reviews are great motivators for me… thanks to Chelsea for her reminder… you're the one who inspired me to get my butt in gear!

And no worries- I won't abandon STLF… or any of my other fics… I promise! BTW- I WILL be updating DTHBLB sometime (don't know exactly when) as well as posting a couple of one-shots for Gravi.

As promised, our ever-elusive Uesugi 'Yuki' Eiri will be making a couple of appearances in this chapter. They're short, but they are kawaii… or so I think. You'd better be happy… I had to bribe him with a month's supply of cigarettes and alcohol.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation, nor do I own any places mentioned in this fic. The song "Glowing Bright" is the sole property of Fishy-chan… do not steal or else I'll hunt you down on her behalf! Besides, that's just rude.**

_Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts_

_**Bold italicized writing indicates conscience**_

**Chapter 17: Give Me Something to Believe**

Everything had calmed down around NG Corps. Media coverage returned to normal and it was business as usual.

The members of Bad Luck were preparing for their departure to the states. Everyone was busy packing and making arrangements for when they would be leaving… which was in two days.

Tohma had 'kidnapped' the pink-haired singer on this particular day. The President had mentioned something along the lines of 'Shindou-san has been neglecting his paperwork for far too long.'

Indeed, it would be a quiet day at the studio with Shuichi missing.

**Shuichi's Office:**

"WAAAHH! Seguchi-san… do I _have_ to do _all_ of this?" Shuichi ogled the multiple piles of paperwork towering high above his desk in incredulity.

Who knew so much bureaucracy was involved in being a CEO?

The ever-polite smile never wavered on the president's face as he nodded with sadistic pleasure.

"Oh yes, Shindou-kun… it must _ALL_ be done. And by today, at five o'clock pm." The singer let his jaw sag in disbelief as he yelped out a reply.

"F-FIVE? Are you _SHITTING_ me?" The blond blatantly ignored the question as he continued without a pause.

"The shareholder's meeting will be tonight at seven o'clock pm, and all reports and contracts must be signed by then. They're expecting a full oral presentation from you at the meeting, so I would highly recommend that you familiarize yourself with these documents as well as our most recent ventures." The pink-haired boy stared at the Grasper with uncertainty. Tohma interpreted the silence for understanding as he turned to leave.

"So then, I will be expecting the reports at five and you'll meet the shareholders at seven o'clock sharp, ne?" Another cheerful grin and he stepped outside the office. Shuichi stuttered as the President of NG retreated hastily from the room.

"Uh-uh… demo… uh-"

"Ah, and if you need any assistance, feel free to ask your secretary for help. Ja!" With that, the door shut and the vocalist was left alone with the piles of paperwork.

The singer wrinkled his eyebrows in bewilderment at the blonde's last remark. Not the 'bye' part, the part about…

"Secretary…? I _have_ one of _those_?" The confusion changed slowly into an expression of elation.

Sliding down his chair with eyes full of mirth, the vocalist crawled along the floor until he reached the same door Tohma had just left through.

Reaching up from the ground to turn the door handle, Shuichi opened the door just wide enough to take a peak at the hallway.

And sure enough, there was a large desk to the left of the door. There a petite female with light brown hair and huge glasses sat at the station, typing away busily at her PC.

An enormous smile spread across the singer's face as he began scheming his way out of the paperwork.

The poor secretary, unaware of the evil being plotted against her, felt a chill run down her spine as violet eyes watched her every move.

**New York, New York:**

Yuki stared at the item he held in his hand.

'Gravitation,' by Uesugi Eiri.

Yes, the premier novel by a brand new author.

For this book wasn't written by Yuki Eiri. No, that author no longer existed.

A small grin formed at the corners of his mouth as the blond writer repeated the title over and over again in his mind.

It had a nice ring to it.

Mizuki-san would be furious once she found out he had published a book without her.

Ah, so was life. That's how the dice were rolled.

Sorry, Mizuki-san… no credit to you this time.

Yuki, or rather Eiri, chuckled quietly to himself.

By next week, every bookstore and library would have a copy of 'Gravitation' displayed in their windowsill.

Now this was worth his interest.

And then, within another six to eight months, 'Gravitation' would be translated to Japanese and sent abroad.

How fun.

Eiri gave another chuckle.

Indeed, this would be very interesting.

**Shareholder's Meeting:**

"And so the profit margin NG Corps has earned via sales from records, concerts, and memorabilia has risen exponentially in the past two years. Our leading bands are of course Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck, but our efforts in smaller bands have not gone to waste."

Nervous pause.

"My recommendation to the shareholders would be to continue our venture with these smaller bands, but not to highlight them as of yet. In my opinion, there's much growth needed before we can consider pushing them any further. Our best bet would be to continue as we are. This concludes my report, arigato for you attention." Shuichi bowed quickly before sitting back down.

Applause filled the room as the singer took a moment to catch his breath. Throwing an anxious glance at the President of NG Corps, the pink-haired boy crossed his fingers.

The presentation had sounded accurate and official enough, but he still was too sure if it would fly.

Did it make sense? He didn't know. Half the things he rambled about were simply words he memorized from an outline his secretary had given him.

Violet eyes full of apprehension, the singer looked at the President.

Tohma had been watching the vocalist thoughtfully throughout the entire presentation, and upon noticing the uneasy gaze; he smiled and gave a slight nod of approval.

Shuichi sighed in relief, as the clapping dwindled. He had survived his first meeting with flying colors!

The President of NG stood to round up the meeting.

"Arigato Shindou-san. We will consider your recommendation and discuss it at the next meeting. Ladies and gentlemen, I think that enough for tonight. I adjourn this meeting and wish you all a good day."

With that, the shareholders rose from their seats and made their way out of the room. The blond executive motioned for the vocalist to stay behind.

After everyone else had left, Tohma gave a small chuckle.

"Nice job, Shindou-kun. You caught on faster than I expected."

"A-arigato, Seguchi-san." Shuichi stuttered at the praise given to him.

"I assume you were well assisted by your secretary?" The older man's eyes twinkled with hidden meaning.

"H-hai." The pink-haired boy blushed at the reference made. Of course the executive would figure out who had _really_ done all the work.

"Well, can't say I blame you. And I have no complaints. It was well done. Well, have a good night." The conversation ended abruptly and the President of NG Corps left.

Shuichi breathed a sigh of relief.

So ended the singer's first executive meeting.

**One Week Later:**

The members of Bad Luck along with a few select members of their entourage and technicians boarded the private jet owned by NG Corps.

They were finally leaving for the United States.

The previous night had been hectic. With lots of last minute details to be handled, it had been a tense evening.

Sakano had fainted twice and cried three times.

There were eight new bullet holes in Bad Luck's studio, courtesy of one K.

A nice coating of blood covered the floor tiles due to Shuichi's incessant bleeding.

Hiro snapped two of his guitar strings and ripped some of his hair out.

Fujisaki actually lost his cool and kicked a brand new keyboard.

Yes, it had been very stressful.

But at the end of the night, all was well.

Bad Luck's new album had been completed and a title finally agreed upon.

Now, there was only to release the album… once they were in the United States.

**New York, New York:**

Eiri was checking his e-mails.

Fifty-seven fan letters. Nine marriage proposals. Two complaints about his new book's 'inappropriate' content. One memo from his editor. One memo from his publisher. One death threat. Six advertisements. One Bad Luck update.

He deleted the fan letters. He deleted the marriage proposals. He saved the complaints to laugh at a later time. He saved the memo from his editor and the one from his publisher. He saved the death threat to laugh at a later time as well. He deleted the advertisements.

He read the Bad Luck update.

"**The spokesperson for Bad Luck has release a sudden change of plans for the popular J-pop band.**

**As of June eleventh, Bad Luck will begin a three-month tour through the United States beginning in Los Angeles, California and ending in New York, New York.**

**This mini-tour will hit one major city every two weeks, so tickets will sell out quickly.**

Call Ticketmaster for information pertaining to the concerts. Availability is limited so if you're a fan in the United States, get your tickets now!"

Eiri raised a single eyebrow at the last comment via e-mail.

A small grin wavered at his lips.

_Now the question is… am I a fan?_

A low chuckle broke the silence in the hotel room as he answered himself.

_I'm not a fan of the music… just a fan of the musician._

A familiar voice added it's own two cents.

_**It's about time you admitted it!**_

**Next Day:**

"Mou, Hiro… I'm sooo tired!" The longhaired guitarist didn't bother to even turn in his best friend's directions. They had just arrived in the Los Angeles airport not even ten minutes ago.

The crew of Bad Luck hustled around the luxurious jet, trying to gather their belongings so that they would be able to exit promptly.

However, jet lag seemed to have immobilized the pink-haired singer, who was currently draped over a reclining seat.

Ryuichi, who had just awoken from a nice nap, showed absolutely no sign of jet lag whatsoever. Stretching for a moment, the God of J-pop snatched up the limp Kumagorou lying beside him and proceeded to glomp the weary boy.

"Shu-chan! We're here, na no da! Aren't you excited? The lights are so pika pika, ne Shu-chan?"

After a brief struggle for oxygen, Shuichi managed to take a deep breath. Wincing slightly at the force of the energetic embrace, the younger singer managed a small grin for his lover.

"Hai, hai Ryu-chan. Very excited indeed." The words came out with a hint of sarcasm, but if the God of J-pop noticed it, he paid it absolutely no mind.

"SUGOI! Kumagorou _loves_ traveling, na no da! It's his _favoritest_ thing to do besides eating ice cream! He say it's fun to visit pika pika new places! Don't you think so too, Shu-chan? Don't cha, don't cha, don't cha!"

The lead singer of Bad Luck cringed as the volume increase dramatically inside the small aircraft. However, the enthusiasm was contagious and the boy's lethargy was quickly shaken off.

"Hai! We're finally here! It's time to spread some Bad Luck, ne?" A mischievous glint awakened in the violet eyes, not unnoticed by the older singer.

"Not just Bad Luck, but some Grasper magic too, ne?" Ryuichi's tone changed dramatically to one of total seriousness… a sort of challenging tone.

Shuichi grinned back at his koibito, knowing that their competition still existed and both had something to prove.

Their war for dominance in the music industry was as strong as ever… no matter what, neither would ever settle for second best.

"Hmm… maybe. But everyone is expecting a fresh, young, talented Japanese band called Bad Luck… not some old, outdated, second-rate, has-been band called Nittle Grasper." The pink-haired singer's tone was both playful and taunting, but that didn't prevent the multiple veins in Ryuichi's forehead from throbbing at the jibes.

"N-NANI! Are you implying that I'm _OLD_? Why you little…!" The Grasper became impaired with a severe case of speechlessness to the point he began to turn crimson with indignation.

Shuichi merely began to laugh hysterically until he too turned odd shades of red and purple.

Ryuichi continued sputtering in a rage. Both were ignorant of the fact that they alone were the only ones left inside the aircraft.

After a few more moments of sputtering and hysterics, the silence around them became obvious. Pausing to take a look around, they both started giving each other puppy eyes.

"Mou… Ryu-chan… they left us!" A pout form across Shuichi's lips as they realized the situation.

Ryuichi's eyes began to fill with tears as over-imagined fear took root inside the Grasper's head.

"Wah! Shu-chan! How could they forget us, na no da? We're too kawaii to forget! And what about Kumagorou? He's _especially_ too kawaii to forget, na no da!"

Bad Luck's vocalist narrowed his eyes in annoyance at the exclamation as he argued with his lover.

"Forget Kumagorou! _I'm_ the _kawaii-est_ of all! How could _they_ forget _me_!"

The God of J-pop growled in displeasure at the comment as he raised his beloved plushie, ready to attack.

"Infidel! Traitor! How _dare_ you taint the sacred name of _Kumagorou_! Your life is forfeit, na no da! Charge! Kumagorou Miracle Beam!"

And with that, the pink bunny flew from the older singer's hand, aimed towards the pink-haired boy's head.

The stuffed animal hit its mark, and upon impact, Shuichi raised his arms in surrender.

"Itai! Itai! I yield! Itai! Forgive me oh kawaii one! I beg for your mercy Kumagorou! Itai!"

However, Ryuichi wasn't one to stop his assault and merely resumed by snatching up Kumagorou repetitively and continuing to bounce the object against the boy's body.

"Hai hai! Thou shall bow down to the almighty Kumagorou… and his right hand man, pika pika Ryuichi!"

At the imperious comment, Shuichi dared to snicker and threw a teasing remark from behind his upturned arms, which barricaded him.

"Heh heh… don't you mean Ryuichi and _ON_ his right hand, Kumagorou?"

The Grasper gasped in mock rage as he gathered the pink bunny into his arms, preparing to attack once more.

"Treason! Kumagorou Miracle Beam!"

"Itai!"

At the exit of the plane, a longhaired figure watched in amusement at the antics of his best friend and Nittle Grasper's lead singer.

After a few more minutes of watching the two make fools out of themselves, the man coughed loudly to make his presence known.

"Eh-hem. Am I interrupting anything important? Or can you continue this later?"

Both vocalists froze at being found out in the midst of such a ridiculous display. Turning to their single audience member slowly, they blushed crimson in embarrassment.

Shuichi tried to laugh it off and began scratching his head in an attempt at being nonchalant.

"Hehehe… ano… hey Hiro! We thought you guys had left us."

Hiro smirked at his friend as he gave an explanation as to why he returned.

"We did. I came back after realizing you'd probably get lost if we left you on your own. I know you can't speak English to save your life."

The pink-haired boy began to pout again, but before he could respond, the man-child beside him answered excitedly.

"Kumagorou and Ryu-chan know English very well, na no da! We've lived here for five years and come back to visit lots of time!"

Shuichi raised a single eyebrow at the declaration, slightly surprised at this new discovery.

"Ryu-chan, you can speak English… fluently?"

The Grasper nodded enthusiastically, as did the pink plushie upon his hand.

"Hai hai! Both Kumagorou and I can speak it perfectly!"

Hiro rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"For a Grasper fanatic, you sure didn't keep up on Sakuma-san's life in the U.S. He's very well known here- and most of his songs were in English too."

The pink-haired singer crinkled his nose at the veiled insult as he raised his chin to respond.

"Of _course_ I knew his songs were in English, but I just thought they were translated _for_ him."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Shuichi knew he had said the wrong thing.

Bad Luck's guitarist winced at the obvious lack of knowledge as Ryuichi gasped in horror. The younger vocalist quickly covered his mouth with both hands and stared wide-eyed at his lover.

The Grasper continued to gape at his koibito shock. Hiro turned his back on the two lovers, hoping against all hope that there wouldn't be any unnecessary bloodshed.

A howl of outrage and several screams of 'Kumagorou Miracle Beam' later, Hiro turned once again to face the two vocalists to find Shuichi huddled under a reclining chair and Ryuichi crouching beside the pink-haired singer, poking him aggressively.

Shaking his head in despair, the guitarist rolled his eyes and decided enough was enough.

"Alright, let's go. You can finish this later, ne?"

**New York, New York:**

A few clicks after the Bad Luck update, Eiri was perusing the Ticketmaster website. Within a couple seconds, Bad Luck's list of performances was displayed across his laptop. The smallest of grins tugged at the corner of his mouth.

There, in all his pink glory, was a photo of Shuichi in his concert apparel.

A devilish light in his violet eyes, the singer was dressed in skintight black leather from head to toe.

He looked delicious.

Full pouty lips slightly open as if he was about to speak. Wide sparkling eyes outlined in black eyeliner. Shocking strawberry hair ruffled as if a light wind was brushing through it. And his signature dimple in his right cheek.

He was breathtaking.

Staring at the image for a minute before continuing his search, the writer turned his attention to the concert listings and scanned them quickly.

Whistling softly, his eyebrow arched at the numerous entries. It was obvious that Bad Luck was determined to make its mark within the short period of time that they would be visiting.

In the three months that they would be in the United States, they were scheduled for a total of thirty concerts in six different cities.

The first four taking place in Las Angeles, California.

Eiri smiled widely as he scrolled down the list and reached the last city in the tour.

There were seven concerts scheduled for New York.

A low chuckle broke the silence in the dimly lit bedroom.

The blonde knew that he would be there for at least one of those seven concerts.

**NG Studios:**

Meanwhile, all the way at the other side of the globe, another blonde-haired man sat alone inside his enclosed office. There wasn't another living soul inside the NG building; after all, it was deep into the night.

Tohma sat in the darkened room, the only light being the reflection of the pale moon peering through the window.

He had been there for several hours now- he had received word of Bad Luck's arrival in the United States only a few minute before.

The executive did this often. It was his only place of total solitude in his ever-chaotic life.

And now more than ever, he needed to contemplate that life.

The previous day had been a whirlwind of activity in which there had been no time to digest the events of the past few weeks. After all that had happened, he had stolen away in his favorite retreat away from all the bright lights and noisy people.

Away from the spotlight.

A bitter grin twisted the handsome face as he rolled the thought around in his head.

It was funny, each member of Nittle Grasper had their own reason for bringing the band back together… perhaps his own had been the most selfish though.

He knew the truth behind Ryuichi's facade… and it broke his heart every time he peered into the chocolate brown eyes masked over in a false light.

Because from the very beginning, he hadn't been there when Ryuichi had needed him the most. He hadn't been the one Ryuichi had clung to.

He hadn't been the one to catch Ryuichi when he had fallen.

And he'd wanted to… so desperately. If only he had been the one to pursue Ryuichi on that fateful night. If only he had paid closer attention…

But no… it was far too late for any of that. Even now, he wasn't the one Ryuichi relied on…

It was Shuichi.

Tohma gazed at the pale orb high in the night skyline. On such a dark evening as this, it seemed as though the moon glowed even brighter than the sun.

Just like Ryuichi.

It the midst of all the darkness surrounding him, the vocalist always shone.

It was a shine that Tohma could never obtain.

The blonde had loved that shine more than anything, but circumstances prevented him from ever taking it for his own… for taking Ryuichi for his own.

Because from the very beginning, Ryuichi had always belonged to someone else.

Yes, Tohma loved Ryuichi.

But it was a love that would never be requited.

A few stray clouds drifted across the moon and the office was dark once more.

Closing his eyes, Tohma contemplated his marriage to Mika. On his desk were legal documents that would free him from his farce of a marriage.

She had asked for a divorce several months before, but as proud as he was, Tohma had refused to sign the papers.

She knew their union had been one of image and tradition, not of love. And after so many years of pretending to be happy, Mika had finally given up on trying to make her husband fall in love with her.

But to Tohma, agreeing to the divorce meant change. And more than anything, the blonde hated change.

Change was inevitable though… as was the divorce. As was Ryuichi falling in love with someone else.

So maybe it was time just to accept the change… and move on.

The bitterness dissipated from the Grasper's expression as he opened his eyes… his gaze drawn to the papers waiting on his desk.

With a reluctant sigh, Seguchi Tohma leaned forward and reached for the Mont Blanc pen lying next to the documents.

**Las Angeles, California:**

The blinding array of colors flashing across the stage at the Staples Center only added to the euphoric high Bad Luck was riding on.

The crowd was phenomenal… their first concert could only be defined as a hit. Sold out and filled to the last seat- thousands of people were roaring in the audience.

For their final song, Bad Luck had left the decision to Shuichi… and he wasn't about to disappoint them. After a few whispered agreements, Bad Luck made their final entrance on stage.

Using the few words he had memorized in English, the pink-haired singer waved the crowd to silence and made his announcement.

"Thank you everyone! This has been a sugoi- I mean an AWESOME concert! For our last song, we'd like to bring a special guest on-stage with us… you should remember him! He is none other than… Ryuichi of Nittle Grasper!"

The audience went crazy as the lights focused on the entrance of the Grasper. Throwing a victory sign high in the air, Ryuichi made his way to the center with a wink and a sexy smile.

"Are you ready? Let's end this party with a showdown!" The God of J-pop nodded to his lover to explain.

"As you all should know, Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper are head to head for the top spot! We'll leave it to you to decide who's going to get it! Here's our first debut of 'Glowing Bright', which will be our first single in the United States!"

With that, the lights dimmed until only two spotlight remained- one on Shuichi and one on Ryuichi.

As the soft but vibrant strains of guitar played, the heavy underlying beats of the keyboard only added to the tense atmosphere.

Raising his microphone, Shuichi began first.

"**Brighter than the stars,**

**Brighter than the sun,**

**Brighter than the moon,**

**Shining…"**

With a nod, Ryuichi took over for the next verse.

"**If I could shine brighter**

**Than the stars, the sun, and the moon**

**Would that be shining bright enough for you?"**

A provocative tango began between the two vocalists as each seemed to dared the other to do better than they had. With long eyelashes veiling his violet eyes, Shuichi began once again.

"**Cuz I'm looking at that streetlamp**

**And its glow is shining bright**

**Then suddenly a rock shatters the glass**

**And it's swallowed by the night."**

Biting his lower lip, Ryuichi cast a longing look at the dancing figure of his koi before raising his mic once again.

"**It's light is gone forever**

**And the glass lies broken on the ground**

**In the sudden darkness I'm wondering**

**If I can be broken like that now."**

At once, both singers froze. The music became silent for another couple of seconds. Starting again suddenly, both vocalists went into motion again, dancing a mirror image of each other as they sang in unison.

"**If I could shine brighter**

**Than the stars, the sun, and the moon**

**Would that be shining bright enough for you?"**

Shuichi began the next verse with a wink to his lover.

"**Cuz I'm staring at that candle**

**Getting warmth from its hued spark**

**When suddenly a wind blasts through**

**And the glow is lost to the dark."**

Sauntering down a small runway from the main stage, Ryuichi reached his hand out to the fans beneath him, barely able to keep himself on the stage due to a few overenthusiastic ones. After regaining his balance, the idol gave a short laugh and began his verse.

"**All that's left is a wisp of smoke**

**And the slowly hardening wax**

**In the sudden cold I'm wondering**

**If my warmth can be stolen like that."**

Still chuckling after watching the scene with his boyfriend, Shuichi waited for Ryuichi to return to center stage before starting the chorus.

"**If I could shine brighter**

**Than the stars, the sun, the moon**

**Would that be shining bright enough for you?"**

Still in unison, the two singers faced each other for the finale.

"**But I know I can shine farther**

**And I know I can last longer**

**And I know I can't be broken**

**Cuz I've been down that road before."**

Drawing closer and closer to one another, they were soon close enough to feel each other's breath. Exchanging a private look, they continued.

"**So throw the sharpest rock you've got**

**And send blowing your fiercest wind**

**And when the lights do go out**

**We'll see who's left standing tonight!"**

Jumping atop a ledge, Shuichi sang his verse as he raised his face to the sky.

**"I'll shine brighter than the stars."**

Following suit, Ryuichi did the same on a ledge at the other side of the stage.

**"I'll shine brighter than the sun."**

Shuichi licked his lips provocatively into the camera as he sang the last solo line.

**"I'll shine brighter than the moon."**

Jumping down simultaneously, the two vocalists met in the center of the stage to sing the final line in unison.

**"Yeah, I'll keep on shining…"**

As soon as the last verse was sung, the stage blinked into total darkness. The roar of approval from the crowd rose into a crescendo.

After a couple minutes, the lights returned and only the three members of Bad Luck remained onstage. They bowed deeply as Shuichi grasped the mic and waved to the crowd.

"Thank you minna! You've been a wonderful audience! Thank you!"

They bowed again. Hiro and Suguru retreated to backstage as Shuichi made his final announcement.

"As you know, we will be touring through several major cities within the next three months, so you'll be seeing more of us along the way. In two days, our new album will be released. Please be sure to look for it! It's called "Vision"! Thank you once again!"

And with that, Bad Luck's first concert in the United States ended in complete success.

**New York, New York:**

All the way in New York, a certain author stared at his TV with an expression crossed between shock and sadness.

He had chosen to view Bad Luck's first concert live on Pay Per View… and now he half regretted it.

For if he hadn't, he'd have never known… about _them_.

About Shuichi and Ryuichi.

Because it had been obvious from their secret looks and the way they sang together… that they were... in love.

In love.

Eiri felt his eyes burn slightly as he continued to stare at the screen, even though all that was playing was the end credits.

A single tear fell across his pale cheek.

TBC…

Kami-sama… I hate the way I ended this chapter… it made ME cry. But then again, I'm a sap. Arigato minna for all your support… and gomen nasai again for not updating a lot. Bear with me… I'll get back into it! I love you guys so much! Onegai REVIEW!


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